Childhood

[cymruambyth1]

I was just wondering if you think your childhood can change the way your relationships and friendships are when you are older. My mum had two failed marriages and both are them were very upsetting for me and my brothers, Now i do seem to find it hard to trust people, I have one really close friend who is male, and then just people i talk to really, I just find it hard to trust people, my partner says i shouldnt expect so much from a friend, does anyone else feel like they find it hard to trust?

[georgit79]

Definitely definitely definitely. I have to have something/someone to blame (!) for that fact that, at 25, I still haven't had a meaningful relationship as I don't feel worthy of men giving me attention, and above all, love.

So my scapegoat is my parent's failed marriage and the way in which they conducted their divorce. But in honesty, I think anything is insurmountable. I can probably apportion a certain amount of blame to this, but in the end i'm just being a scaredy cat and not opening up to anyone.

[happy_face]

I had a loving "normal" childhood and have never had any problems with expressing my feelings or trusting someone. But my best friend had a troublesome childhood and is experiencing similar things as you both have mentioned. She finds it hard to trust and open up to people and have in the past been let down because she trusted the wrong people. She has also been single for a few years because again the boyfriends she had let her down. This has then cemented the "fear" in her even more. It's almost as if she attracts these kind of people. I have perservered and I feel that she trusts me, although I know it'll be a long time before she lets all the barriers fall. But I love her and I will always be there as a friend. I have all the time in the world to wait for her.

cymruambyth1 of course you should be able to trust a friend 100%. Maybe you just haven't met the right friend yet. I have been with my boyfriend for over 10 years and I consider him my best friend but there is nothing like having a best friend who's a girl. There are things only other girls will understand.

[Englishbird]

I do believe that everyone's childhood has a very strong effect on who they are and the way they see the world around them.  I'm a mixture, i had a very loving 'normal' childhood and yet I have been through times as you describe.  I used to find it very hard to trust, but as i've got older and have become happier in myself I have found it easier to trust others - and more importantly, less bothered when or if they let me down. 

I think maybe then, that it's more about your own self esteme (which may well have been damaged by your parents actions).  If you can work on that, and become happy with yourself, relationships and friendships are a lot easier too. good luck x

[webby27]

childhood is possibly a factor but I also had a healthy 'normal' childhood as well but I find it difficult to trust people because i've been let down so many times by so called friends and family in my adult life,I think i always trusted people to easily and often, now tho people have to gain my trust,I have many people who I know but I wouldn't trust many of them I do have the same best friend since I was at school and I trust her enormously cause she's never let me down and vice versa.

[andy hughes]

I think childhood has a very definite effect on our relationships as adults. I had a very bad relationship with my father. In adulthood, I had to reconcile the fact that I just wasn't the son he wanted, and | spent my entire time knowing I 'let him down', and being unable to do anything about it.

As an adult, I am emotionally independent / isolated (take your pick) but i have forged excellent relationships with my children, and i affirm them at every opportunity, and love them the best way I can, with no 'expectations' to burden them.

[mycatis]

I hate my father (in fact I dont even call him that) I know that's a terrible thing to say but trust me, he deserves it. I really believe he is the reason or at least the main reason that I dont trust anyone.  I do think that at some point in your life though you have to decide if you're going to let a bad childhood affect the rest of your life. My son will never go through the things I did so hopefully he will grow up to be as open, friendly and trusting as he is just now

[Peahead66]

Your childhood does have an effect on who you are but also who you are (your inherited traits) also affect how you perceive your childhood and people around you. As the twig is bent the tree is inclined.

[ianess]

It scares the hell out of me that I may be turning out like the ba****d who fathered me.  I've tried to do my best but am accused of being too strict, unsympathetic,bad-tempered and just plain downright rude.  I don't mean to be but it seems to be in the genes because all of his side of the family seem to have similar problems.
I've only really got two people who I would consider to be true friends [over 50 years] and the rest are just passing aquaintances.
  I find that I would like to trust people but have been let down so often that I'm becoming more and more reclusive and dependant on medicines just to see me through the day.
    Speaking with my sister just before she died her memories of our childhood were totally different to mine. It was hard to believe we had the same parentage.

So cymruambyth1.....you are not alone.....keep smiling........DLTBGTY.