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Thanks so much for all your answers – believe it or not, much of what you’ve said I can relate to – but as Boxy indicates, some of us are not good at baring our souls. No one is pressurising her – she’s too ‘touchy’ for that. I only wish she would go out just for a little while, as Flump suggests – but she won’t. She tells her husband she goes for a walk every day, but he knows she doesn’t – and I’ve suggested she seek psychiatric help but she says she’s seen a psychiatrist and ‘it didn’t work’. (I know she hasn’t – her husband wants to pay privately if it will help, but she refuses to go).
She is in a dark place, and I know (again from personal experience) that the only person who can really help her is herself, but she doesn’t acknowledge that. There is no joy in her life; she criticises everything and everyone. In her mind, her problems are created by unavoidable events, such as deaths in the family, and by other people. For example, she doesn’t drive but won’t get in her husband’s car because they had a near miss once a long time ago and now, suddenly, she says she doesn’t trust his driving skills – which gives her a reason not to go. She was fine before she joined Facebook, but since then she has gradually deteriorated. It has become her life – she is obsessed with it – and having looked at her ‘page’, it appears to be the only place she has anything happy to say. She chats away there as she used to in real life. She tells me she can’t find any interest in anything apart from that. She doesn’t read books any more, has no hobbies or interests any more, has abandoned her friends, won’t go out, watches little evening television, and falls asleep on the sofa early most evenings often staying there until 8 in the morning when the computer goes on again along with the television for the daytime gossip shows. She’s definitely unwell – after refusing all invitations, she spent three days curled in a chair crying over Christmas – maybe because her Facebook ‘friends’ had other things to do. I don’t know. Helping her to find the impetus to begin to help herself is the real problem. I turn it all over in my mind trying to find some new words of encouragement – but I’m running out of words. I suppose I’m looking for ideas really.
Linzi, thank you. I have said I think she’s spending too much time on Facebook, and I’ve been trying to think of a way to say that it’s controlling her life – but it’s not easy when someone instantly rejects every suggestion.
Baby_Sham, she sees her GP regularly for her medication. He organised counselling for her recently, but as I said, she went twice and decided the counsellor was ‘stupid’, so that’s the end of that.
Flump, I’m not on Facebook. This lady is a family member who has been an important part of my life forever. I talk to her practically every day.
Pixie, I’m rapidly reaching the conclusion that she doesn’t want it to change – but that’s a symptom of her illness I suspect. I hate to say it, but I’m beginning to think that this is rather more than depression. I’m seriously starting to fear for her future.
Boxy, thanks for the offer of a throwaway email address – you’re very kind. Incidentally, it might surprise you – and others - to know that at one time it used to take me about 5 hours to muster the courage to go to Asda – then two minutes away – and often I didn’t get there – so I’m not unsympathetic. Quite the opposite.