Early Onset Demetia Question

[KristalK]

There are plenty of on line reference sites but I'm asking if anyone has personal experience of early on set dementia. My husband is in his fifties and over the past few years his memory and manner are changing and deteriorating. Yes we all forget things and I sometimes find myself upstairs in the bedroom with no memory of why I've gone up there but this is different. He asked me the other day how to spell 'The'. The last time we drove somewhere together on very familiar roads he went the wrong way then argued he hadn't, said it was a more 'scenic' route. He is going from happy go lucky to grumpy and intolerant. I've tried to get to the bottom of it, is he depressed is there something troubling him he says no. There is a history of demetia on both his mothers side (mother and grandmother) and his fathers side (Uncle). I can't get him to go to our GP he says 'its stupid there is nothing wrong with me'. I say well if that's the case he has nothing to worry about. So, am I on the right track with a possible dementia prognosis or could it be something else, male menopause? Has anyone been in this situation and how can I deal with it. If it is dementia the longer its left the worse the outcome for him I'm at my wits end.

[bhg481]

It's a long while since but it sounds exactly like my mother who developed dementia in her late 50's. You can only try to persuade him to go to the doctor.

[jno]

there isn't really a male menopause, so that's not the answer

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/male-menopause/Pages/Introduction.aspx

This isn't my specialist subject but anyone who forgets how to spell The has got something wrong with him. How you get him to a doctor I don't know, but I'd say he needs to be investigated.

[KristalK]

Thank you for prompt replies. I have to go out now but will come back later and hopefully someone may be able to help further. I agree, forgetting where you've put your car keys is one thing but forgetting how to spell everyday words rings warning bells.

[pixie373]

The only way to find out is by going to the GP. I'm wondering if he's reluctant because he is aware something is wrong, but isn't ready to face it. There is no point asking if he is depressed. He isn't in a position to diagnose clinical depression and that isn't how it's done. It wouldn't affect his spelling either. I think you'll have to wait until he feels he wants some help.

[ferlew]

Sounds exactly like my OH.
In the end, myself and the boys sat with him and explained how much we felt he had changed, and that we were all concerned. We said to him that a quick visit to the GP would decide it. He did not want to go, but we pleaded with him "just to put our minds at rest".
Anyway, he went, he was diagnosed with Alzheimers Disease, and was put straight onto Aricept. This has helped no end. While it isn't a cure, it hasn't got any worse in two years now, apart from the odd times he gets crabby about having the condition.

[ferlew]

Exactly Pixie, OH told me he had suspected for a long time, his mum and gran also had it, as has one of his sisters.

[slaney]

A diiicult situation for you, all you can do is keep trying to get him to see the GP - for a physical check-up perhaps.
The Alzheimer's Society have a help line which may be worth trying
http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=2430

[Khandro]

The trouble is pixie, I don't think he will ever think he needs help, - well, my mother didn't, and was unaware that anything was wrong at all other than physical problems, right to the end (94). I wonder if you could get him to see his doctor under some other pretext, if the doctor was pre-warned, he might be able to say ' while you are here how is .....etc.' Is he due for any sort of general check-up? Could his doctor not send a note to say he is due for a check-up? I think you should talk to his doctor yourself.

[boxtops]

Kristal, this page looks really helpful, particularly the 10 warning signs list http://www.alz.org/what-is-dementia.asp

what you could do is broach with him about the changes, and ask him to go to the HP for your sake, just so that the possibility of a problem can be ruled out. If you put it that way, he might be willing to go - but the GP will be used to dealing with denial about things like this. If the changes have crept up on him, your husband might not even have noticed them, or be very frightened by the prospect (I know I would be). Tell your husband how much it's worrying you, so that he can think he's going to see the doc to set your mind at rest. You may have to be a bit devious in getting him inside the surgery door!

I don't know how old your husband is, but in England GPs are initiating 50+ health checks. If your practice is doing that, you could ask them if he could have an appointment and they'd send him a letter - that way, it's them initiating the appointment, would that work?

[pixie373]

Khandro, that sounds perfect for your mother, although, again, i would be very surprised if she had no inkling at all. Kristal has done what she can, in bringing the subject up and getting him to think, but while she can find help and support for herself, you can't force someone to face it. He has every right to say no, or not yet.

[leolash]

Not early onset, but I managed to get my mother who point blank refused to see her GP, by contacting GP myself. GP came up with some ploy to get her into the surgery. Once we were there, then the ball started rolling from there. Presumably his GP could get him in for prostate check or blood pressure. If it is dementia, see a solicitor. It is of paramount importance to have Power of Attorney in place, before they deteriorate too badly.

[Khandro]

Good advice leolash, but the problem about power of attorney is that Kristalk would need his permission, and if he refuses to see a doctor it isn't likely he would give it. I'm not sure, but it might be possible to have a mutual clause for p.of a. put into a will.

[bhg481]

//but it might be possible to have a mutual clause for p.of a. put into a will//

I don't understand that Khandro - the will won't be active until death.

It might be possible for Kristalk to get POA if she can persuade him that BOTH of them should do it now "just in case".

Having had my mother get dementia when she was 10 years younger than I am now, I am very conscious of the problem. Hence my wife and I have just applied for POA, with each other and our daughter as attorneys.

[woofgang]

There are other things it could be other than dementia. Can i suggest that you go to the GP on your own and tell him/her what has happened? ....and do it now.

[KristalK]

Thank you everyone for your input. I can't give a best answer as there are so many good points being made but I'm now reassured that he needs to see a GP for every ones peace of mind. Stage 1 I'm going to our GP next week for a check up and will mention my concerns. Maybe she will know how we can get him to the surgery. Problem is he's seen 3 relatives suffer with dementia and must be frightened its a head in the sand situation. He was with his mother when she was assessed for POA and I think he thinks that's how they test you for dementia. He said last week he would pass a dementia test because he can recite the months of the year backwards and knows who the Prime Minister is.....I've tried to explain that's not what they will do and now thanks to the links posted will download some literature for him to read. I am so sad my lovely hubby may be suffering with this but must stay positive and if he cooperates we can at least halt it and who knows in a few years maybe better treatments will be discovered. I will post any feedback as I get it. This was a bit of a heavy post for a first time user but I was guided here by the great Google God lol! Maybe next post will have to be a question on cookery or kittens . Thanks again much appreciated .
Kristal x

[murraymints]

an assessment can be done at home!

[gness]

Hi, Kristal.....so much good advice here. Minty is also correct. My mother wouldn't go to the GP so I had a talk with him.
He suggested that he "pop in" telling her that it was a new rule that doctors visit everyone over seventy to see how they were. She believed that...thought he was wonderful and from then on it was a little easier to get her to go to appointments to please the nice doctor.

Do remember that dementia is not the only cause for these symptoms.

I hope you get help soon....it's hard to deal with I know....Gx

[Old_Geezer]

In my experience one worries about oneself, goes to see the GP, they send you for a blood test which you go and take, and that's the last one hears of it :-( I think the NHS seem to think you should be forever battering on their door in order to get them to do their job.

My best wishes for the outcome KristalK.

[pixie373]

Gness is right. My daughter has 4 out of 5 of those symptoms with ADHD. Best of luck. Let us know how you get on xx

[Connemmara]

My friend's husband was diagnosed with it at 56 - he is now 64 - and has turned into a little baby - wife refused to put him in care but he is doubly incontinent and has turned violent - even then she is willing to look after him.

His wife always thought it started off with him having depression. But bless him he was a lovely guy and he is only a shell of what he was. Good luck Kristalk - there is a long road ahead of you but if I was you I would take all the help you can get as it is truly a heavy burden.