Body Language-How Would You Interpret?

[Scarlett]

I am rubbish at this so I wondered what you thought. Imagine you meet someone and spend a few hours with them one to one, and get on well. Then you have a second meeting a week later (after a few emails) only this time they struggle to make eye contact but still smile a lot- they look a bit shy or embarrassed. Do you think that this is because they like you, or that they THINK you like them, and are wary or embarrassed by this? If you struggled to make eye contact with someone, why would it be? It's a boy with the eye contact thing, and a girl asking the question, if that makes any difference!

[woofgang]

who set up the second meeting?

[Scarlett]

It was a business meeting- an initial one and he asked at the end whether we should meet again in a week or a fortnight. I said a week.

[woofgang]

so you have had two business meetings with him, no dates?

[Scarlett]

No dates, no. Just two meetings which were friendly but the purpose being to work together.

[pixie373]

He sounds uncomfortable, whether he is shy or thinks you're behaving inappropriately is really hard to tell from that post. If it was just a business meeting, did you talk about anything personal?

[factor-fiction]

Maybe he's uncomfortable because he's not quite sure of the purpose of the meeting or because he thinks you fancy him a little.

[grasscarp]

If they are business meetings he may be aware that you are interested and trying to keep things professional by not gazing into your eyes.

[factor-fiction]

Sorry pixie- yours wasn't there when I started

[Scarlett]

Not really no, it was more about the projects. But lots of laughing and he was quite tactile at the end when we left (I'm not a tactile person and he clearly is, but it did seem just friendly).

[pixie373]

No problem, factor :-)
Scarlett, are you worried that he does fancy you, or that he doesn't?

[Scarlett]

I would be embarrassed if I had given the impression that I do, as I am much older than him! That's not to say I didn't like him- he was lovely. But I thought I was just being friendly and nice. I was surprised that he couldn't make or maintain eye contact this time, without looking away.

[grasscarp]

If you are going to work with him Scarlett don't try to make something out of his tactileness or eye contact etc. Just be a work colleague. Only time will tell if something else develops. I decided long long ago never to mix business with pleasure and have stuck with it from 16 to my 60s. Best way IMHO

[pixie373]

Oh, fair enough. I really wouldn't worry, then. He'll soon realize and relax.

[woofgang]

I suspect that he thinks he went too far at the first meeting!

[Scarlett]

What was too far, woofgang? Being tactile? Or something else?

[woofgang]

well tactile prob part of it...but maybe generally in the not keeping it businesslike way?

[boxtops]

Some people do find it difficult to make or maintain eye contact, and if by any chance the chap is from a different cultural background, some cultures believe it to be disrespectful to look others straight in the eye.

You don't have to like people to work with them. if you are pleased with his working relationship, I would leave it at that - you are there to work together. If I were having 1;1s with someone, I wouldn't be wasting my energies wondering what vibes they were giving off - it does sound to me as if he's getting mixed messages from you and can't look you in the eye.

[boxtops]

..and what do you mean by tactile - hand shaking?

[Scarlett]

Box- this isn't work that we are being paid to do, it's an artistic project for fun. But still work, rather than social or dating. He didn't seem to have any problem with eye contact on the first meeting, that's why it seems weird. And his culture is the same as mine. Tactile = holding my hand with both his hands at the end, and standing up and giving me a hug.

[boxtops]

Ah - not work-work then. Hmm. I suspect he thinks he might have gone too far with the tactileness at the first meeting then, and doesn't know how to play it, the second time round. Social meetings are more difficult to field than in the work environment!