Divorcing Where Children Are Involved, I Think Its Wrong , But What Choice ?

[beezaneez]

i have a very beautifull wife and daughter, though me and my wife have not been getting on now 5 years since she became pregnant, she is allways filled with anger and this makes me not want to touch her, i am to blame too, i go away on holidays alone when not working and i have slept around with bar girls . prostitutes in thailand, yes i am to blame and i feel dirty and totally discusted with myself. our lives have been full of ups and downs ,more downs, she wants for nothing and has more than things and money than most if not all of her friends but besides the point i know she is not happy with me, i am not happy with her. we go to a restuarant and we dont talk, our child seems to be the centre of our attentions and if our child isnt there we will not go out together for walks or cafes etc. i want a divorce, i have done for couple of years now but i cannot for the life of me hurt my child, she is my world, everyday , every hour she comes to hug me and tell me she loves me, everytime i go out in car my daughter allways wants to come with me, she never wants to stay with her mum although her mum loves her to bits she is allways angry and aggressive, she never ever hits our daughter it is just the shouting and tone of her voice. anyway i am now sacrificing my life being with someone who i do not have any intimacy with, i love her as a person but there is nothing there. how can a father leave his daughter, it would be plain down right selfish , children do suffer through breakups and children do grow up to keep suffering after breakups . what is your views on this. i have not the heart to leave. i want her to divorce me .

[jennyjoan]

My cousin's husband walked out on her about 20 years ago leaving her with a young son and a daughter on the way.

He went on to have 7 more children with another woman.

I say it was the best thing ever to happen to her as she moved on (never had a partner again) but reared 2 wonderful kids alone.

Young son suffered a bit emotionally but got through it and went to university etc. Daughter never knew him and calls him a sperm donor.

MOVE ON - your kids are probably unhappy anyway cos they pick up the unhappiness with the parents. Please do the right thing and good luck. JJCon

[China Doll]

I think you're selfish staying with a wife you don't love or clearly respect who it seems may feel the same way about you, cheating on her and generally contributing to the sad state of your marriage which probably will effect your daughter way more than a divorce would. Grow some bloody balls and take control of your life.

[China Doll]

(I'd say similar to your wife minus the cheating but she's not the one posting).

[naomi24]

Children are better off raised by one happy parent rather than by two unhappy parents.

[DaisyNonna]

Widow. You said it yourself.

[EcclesCake]

This is probably going to sound harsh, and I apologise if I offend you Beezaneez.

I can only measure you from what you have posted on here but you come across as a self indulgent, self obsessed, shallow and a dreamer.

You frequently ask for advice and I sincerely believe that you should seek some professional advice on how to get you life on track as it seems to be something of a car crash life so far. You are concerned for you child's future, and I believe you have another older daughter, for their sakes get you lifestyle in check and behave like a grown up.

As far as divorcing your wife you are being incredibly selfish to want your wife to initiate the proceedings. Your young daughter will be better off IMHO the earlier the separation occurs, young children find it easy to adapt.

Stop fretting about dirty trainers and curry stains on your new wooly pully and sort your life and that of of your family out!

[hc4361]

Are you worried that your wife will go back to Thailand, taking all her children with her?

As I understand the situation your wife was a prostitute in Thailand. If this is the case it is no wonder she has emotional issues and doesn't enjoy sex.

On top of this you have contracted HIV from her friend since you were married. This would make any wife very angry and reluctant to have sex.

She is living in a foreign country with limited English so she is at a big disadvantage, totally reliant on you. If you are leaving her home alone a lot, whether for work or otherwise, she is going to be resentful and unhappy.

You seem to have no empathy at all with her situation, totally lacking in empathy. Your wife has had a hell of a life and maybe you did 'rescue' her but I get the impression you expect her to be continually grateful for that.

You need to have a long, hard look at yourself. If you can't see a way to improve your relationship with your wife you really do need to discuss divorce with her.

[Sqad]

Where has beezaneez said that he is HIV+?

I can't seem to find it.

[EcclesCake]

Sqad, it may have been on a removed thread but if my memory serves me Beez contracted HIV from a friend of his wife that was using one a property of his as a massage parlour and has been blackmailing him.

[Sqad]

Thanks Eccles.

[sandyRoe]

Oh what a tangled web we weave...

[hc4361]

The thread is still there:

"ok , heres the kicker - she has given me HIV. this is not a joke !! my life is in a complete mess, the doctors diagnosed me on 24 october 2 months after i had sex with her, i wasnt sleeping with anyone else ."

http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Law/Question1299885-2.html

[Sqad]

hc....right!

[Graham-W]

Squad
Last post on page two. http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Law/Question1299885-2.html

[Graham-W]

Ooops. Too slow. Thanks hc4361.

[Sqad]

LOL...thanks all.