Am I Mad?

[nailit]

I seriously think I'm mad. Ive had a few 'wobbley pops', granted but I dont feel normal. I know some of my thought processes arnt right. (thats why i drink, im trying to blot out the cr*p in my head). I get through most days appearing-and feeling-quiet normal and then I get these black moods where I feel capable of anything. It scares me. Ive been prison before because of whats happened when I get these 'moods' and yet no matter who I try to tell it falls on deaf ears. Its always 'address your alcohol problem' when in real life I drink to find some relief from my head, if only for a night...like tonight. I have a care co-ordinator with the mental health service but trying to get an appointment with him is like knitting fog. Have tried to contact him several times in the last few weeks but he doesnt return calls. The way my thoughts have been in the last couple of weeks really scares me. I'm afraid of what I might do. To others or myself.
perhaps I am really just a loony tune....

[boxtops]

You're very honest, nailit.... surely there is somewhere else you can contact if your care coordinator is unavailable, how about ringing a central unit for your mental health Trust?

[wolf63]

I am the last person who could help you.

I am Bipolar and my brain is usually the enemy.

If it makes you feel any better - you are not alone in feeling as you do.

I don't know what the solution is, but I just try to struggle on in the hope that I have some good moods at some point.

[EDDIE51]

Nalit don't give up hope especially after what you have been through!
You are not mad, you have a problem 'yes' but you can get over it.
Still having problems with the mental health lot then? I don't know what more you can do they really are 'not fit for purpose' can you get any help from your probation officer, even if you are over your probation time they should still try to help.

[nailit]

Thanks Boxy and Wolf.
I dont know who to contact Boxy. Tried to contact a centeral phone number a few times last year only to have the phone put down on me.
Thanks for your post Wolf, at least I know im not alone in this.

[tamborine]

Take it out on the settee......bash it, kick it, bite it till ur nakkered

[boxtops]

It doesn't seem right that there is only one individual for you to phone (particularly if they don't answer, perhaps they don't work there any more). Would your GP be able to help?

[EDDIE51]

Nalit , in another thread a week or so back you mentioned a school teacher who abused a child and got away with it, am I correct in thinking that child was you?
Sorry, I do not want to upset you, but if I am right that could be the root cause for all your mental health problems. If I am right you must try to talk about this to someone with who can provide specialist help. Accept my apologies if I am wrong.

[nailit]

Thanks EDDIE, My probation officer has contacted my care co-ordinator and he has promised to get in touch but he hasnt...nor will he probably. That was a month ago and I have tried several times to contact him. I *** give up.
Im trying to address my problems and yet if I ever came before the courts again (which im sure i will) it will be the same *** different day. everybody will 'claim' that they did all they could for me while in actuallity they did sweet FA.
I am seriously scared at the moment, my thoughts and emotions arnt in the best of places

[nailit]

That child was me EDDIE yes.

[boxtops]

Time to get in touch with the probation officer again?

[EDDIE51]

Nalit there are a lot of Bipolar help groups out there here is just one of them
http://www.bipolaruk.org.uk/
Loads more if you Google 'Bipolar Help'
They run phone and online help and are free, they may be better than the mental health team, please at least try one of them.

[nailit]

in all fairness to my probation officer she feels like shes banging her head against the proverbial wall.

[nailit]

Thank you EDDIE as always but i havnt got bipolar (or at least i havnt been diagnosed with it) just get these moods where I want to blow up the entire *** world and myself with it.

[EDDIE51]

Nalit one positive to come out of the Saville affair is that a lot of help groups for abused children have been set up. Please try to get in touch with one of them or tell someone from a 'bipolar help' group about this, I know it is hard but you need to do it. I really do think this could be at the root of your problems but I lack the knowledge to help you.

[EDDIE51]

Bi polar help groups will still help you even if your condition is not specifically 'bipolar. Please try one it has to be better than what is happening now!

[anneasquith]

mad. oh no. frustrated angry lonely. yes, but I know you are aware that when you feel like this you may get into bother again. I see your attitude as positive, at least you know when you are fragile. and who would I be at this time to say the alcohol isn't helping, when it appears to give you some respite from you're issues. stay on line. there is always someone to chat with.... wolfe you are very brave.

[pixie373]

We are having the same problem. Have been trying to get hold of my daughter's psychiatrist for 6 weeks now. He is supposed to be doing a weekly review, as he gave her new medication. It's also a controlled one- so if she hadn't stopped taking it, she would have run out weeks ago. He doesn't know she's stopped, or why, or why we are trying to contact him. It's scary.
We have gone back to the GP now and they are trying to help in our behalf. Good luck x

[murraymints]

There will be a crisis care help number for anyone with any kind of mental health issue...your social work dept will have it...or local hospital ? Hope you find peace nail....Good luck ...it's a sh@@e life sometimes....you'll get there ! Xx..

[flump1]

No nailit, you are far from mad. If you were mad you would not consider the question. You sound extremely anxious and depressed. So many people are being short changed by the NHS Mental Health Service, I hear it a lot. Mental health disorders are as if not more painful than anything physical. I know, I have them ! The services that should be helping with the most vulnerable people seem to be the most under resourced. You are not alone . (((HUG))) xx

[scorpiojo]

Have you ever contacted MIND, nailit?

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helplines/