is being 25 and single a bad thing?

[splodge24]

im 25 and thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend who i have been seeing for 6 years. But am i getting too old? i always pictured myself with a house, marriage and children before i was 30. Am i running out of time? i feel so confused. please help me guys!

[lissyl78]

I've been in your position and know it's hard but you have to end the relationship if it's not what you want. It's so tempting to stay when you want to get married and settled down but imagine if you had all those things with the man you're with now: you'd be even more unhappy because by being married it's harder to get out of, and with children putting additional strain on your relationship (the lack of sleep alone can make the happiest of couples bicker), you'd then feel guilty leaving because of taking the children away from their father.

You're lucky that you haven't got any of these ties at the moment and you ARE still young enough to get the life you want, but it has to be with the right man.

Good luck, stay strong and remember that if you're unhappy enough to want to split and your problems can't be resolved, you're wasting both your and his time and sacrificing both of your happiness.

Lots of love x

[I_Tried]

Hiya splodge, I go with Lissy on this one. I think you would be committing a grave error in trying to start a family with your current b/f for :

     a) You feel you're getting too old

     b) This is the wrong basis to start a family.

I like lissy, would say to you get out of the relationship you are in now look for a chappy that you actually love and feel comfortable around and then ask yourself have you both got the happiness between yourselves which will be enhanced with the addition of a child.There are too many "bad relationships"around that involve the seperation of partners but the real sufferers are the children.

So get out of the relationship you are in look for a decent guy and lets face it you're ONLY 25,still young and plenty of time to start a family and buy a house. Hope it didn't seem like i was on my high horse :)

Good luck  which ever way you decide xx

[KittyGlitter]

I've noticed that people seem to think that 30 is the cut-off age for achieving all the things they hope to achieve. But why? It's only a number and doesn't mean anything. There is no rush.  The most important thing is your happiness. Do you want to spend your life with a man you don't really want to be with? Please don't stay with him out of fear.

[I_Tried]

 lol kitty if 30 was the cut off age i'd have long given up :P

[splodge24]

cheers guys, i guess i see as 30 as a time that my life should be in order because so many people around me have already sorted theirs and i am the only one not married etc.

[georgit79]

splodge- I'm 25 and single, and I haven't even started thinking of any of those things yet! There is no right age to do stuff- it'll just happen when it happens, and you have to accept that.

My stepsister is exactly the same age as me, married and trying for a baby. She went out with her husband for 8 years before marrying him. I haven't been out with anyone for 8 minutes yet, let alone 8 years, but who knows, I could meet someone tomorrow and know right away he's right for me...

Calm down, and don't follow others. There is no right or wrong- just go with the flow!

PS: 25 and single? Sounds like you and I are in an envious position, quite frankly!

[woofgang]

why is being married with kids seen as having your life sorted? What about success, happiness, contributing to society??

[Supernick]

I'm 25 and single (for 5 years). None of my mates are married and they definitely don't have kids unless they're all keeping massive secrets from me. If I had 30 down as some sort of cut off point I'd probably just sink into a massive depression! Age is nonsense, happiness is important, so just try to put yourself in positions where you can enjoy your life to the fullest.

[georgit79]

woofgang- because, I think for most women, kids is still the ultimate goal.

[Miss Zippy]

You are so going to be left on the shelf! :o)  Unfortunately it is often only with hindsight that we realise how fortunate we are � when we�re in the prime of our life we don�t even realise it because we�re too busy worrying about whether we should be on the property ladder/married/have kids/higher up on the career ladder/(pick insecurity of your choice). Just enjoy life and concentrate on making a good life for yourself and everything else will follow. Corny, but true. I do know when you�re coming from though because I�ve been in your situation and I thought for a while that I�d missed my chance by letting a good man go, but if you no longer love someone the way you should then you absolutely must follow your heart (unless kids are involved, then I can see there are reasons when you might have to stick with it). You should have lots of goals in your life and marriage and children is just something that will happen when the time is right, it shouldn�t be your only destination in life. Good luck!

[Hermia]

An older and wiser friend of mine told me that she got panicky in her late 20s when she realised that all her friends were getting married. Then she got to her late 30s and found that all those friends were now getting divorced! Just because people seem to have achieved these goals by a certain age doesn't mean they are going to be any happier or more successful than people who don't. I'm a great believer that things will happen when the time is right.

[metagirl]

sorry to point this out, but you are not married so you're already single.

[rosie posie]

hi splodge ,first of all if you arnt in love with your boyfriend then you have to end it . theres no right time, the emotions will just run its course, and you both will come out the other side, wiser and stronger. im 30 and why would you think 25 is to old ,..to old for what,a house = morgadge round your neck, marriage = 7 yrs later i cant stand the way you do that , even though it was the firs thing that i was attracted to in the first place. children= well let me tell you that is probably the hardest job in the world, its not just the cute little bubba, its the financial the worry ,are they doin well at school, are they safe playing on the street,exct...... chill out go mad , travel , break from the norm , its a great world out there , if you let it.

[woofgang]

yes georgit79, I find that sad

[splodge24]

thanks so much everyone, you have really helped pick me up. it just feels like a scary life-changing decision!

[Otrere]

Hiya Splodge - also agree with Lissy and I Tried on this. I was with my ex for 11 years and wouldn't dream of marrying him so we split in the end.

Then I met my now husband at age 28 (my age). At age 29 we were living together in the house we had bought. By nearly age 31 (Nov 2003) I gave birth to a beautiful little girl who is nearly 3 and in September 2003 we got wed.

There's plenty of time for you to meet the man of your dreams and do your settling down thing and it will happen when you least expect it.

Good luck with your decision xx

[splodge24]

thanks otrere, i guess i just need to take everything a day at a time and not try to plan the next 5-10 years of my life! it's such a good feeling knowing  there are so many people who are or have been in a similar position. sounds cliche but knowing i am not alone makes me feel stronger and more positive. thankyou so much everyone!

[dribfunk]

Once more I find myself on the 'single' scene.  I'm 29, with my really nothing but debt and psychological scarring to show for my years.

However, I compiled a list of things to do before I'm 30 a few years back and not one thing on that list involved family, relationships, employment, money or commitment.

There are so many things to do out there that it's a shame we have to be of a certain age to do them.  The youngsters are growing up faster and the oldies are getting older later in life.

I've dated women older than myself (by quite a few years) and whilst they're settled, they've missed out on bits of life that I wouldn't have turned down for the world.

You're still young - go with your head and your heart will follow.

[MsBehave]

Well im 25 and single and here here is all i can say. Yes I have times where i wish i had someone special but i have good friends and family instead. Personally, i like being single because it makes me feel more powerful (please avoid any Spice Girl power jokes!) I get to go out and flirt and have a great time and dont have to worry about upsetting my boyfriend. Some of my friends are single and some are attached and to be completely honest the single ones have more fun and seem happier in general. Im all for getting married one day and having babies but i refuse to rush into that because its a serious step in life, one which i believe will just happen for me one day so i dont panic about it. You should have fun and enjoy life while you are young. Like dribfunk said, go with you head and your heart will follow. Makes you think huh?

[spk]

I was very similar to you, in love with someone for 7 years but we just werent right for each other, as much as I deeply loved him. So I left him, and im now 26 going on 27- single, heading off on a round the world trip to Oz etc. Life is so so short- look at those poor people in New Orleans and you really never know what is round the corner. 25 is still incredibly young in this day and age and you have 10 years worth of good breeding in you yet !! Carpe diem- he who dares wins