Lending My Boyfriend Money?

[celinemc]

Ive been with my boyfriend a year now and in the first 4 months he confessed to having a gambling problem which put him in a financial crisis with job. He learned his lesson and got a job in construction that were not paying him the full amount they owed him for 3 months which made him keep asking me to lent him money for his rent. Since then he has found another job but another when he had to move into a new flat. he carried a small deposit of £300 in cash in his jacket pocket and it was too late to transfer the money into the landlords account. He claimed the money had been taken out of his jacket on the way to the flat and so he asked me for £200 to replace it. As of recently he told me he had his credit card cloned and £300 taken out which he is able to get back and needed £200 for the rent. Given his history of gambling, would you say this guy either has the worst luck ever or hes lying to me about his money?

[Jackdaw33]

I'd say he's telling porkies. No one, not even me, has that much bad luck.

[ummmm]

Lying, without a doubt.

My dad was gambling addict.

[celinemc]

ive heard gambling is a tough habit to kick, i dont really have any way of knowing if he does it still as i dont live with him. I genuinely believe hes a good guy, but i just feel like im at the point where, there always seems to be a story with him.

[Bathsheba]

celinemc.....get out now, if not sooner.
x x

[ummmm]

Just refuse to give him money...point blank. That's exactly what he's giving you, stories and excuses...

I can't say leave him because my dad was a good guy but it did bring a lot of heartbreak with it.

[celinemc]

Yeah ive promised myself im not lending him anymore. I dont wana be perceived as a walking cash machine. Its been a difficult 2 weeks for him and i do not to put up some boundaries before it gets out of control.

[ummmm]

And you need to stick to it.

I assume at the moment you don't want to end the relationship? But do take into consideration that if he doesn't get the money off you he'll try and get it from somewhere else. You should try and get him to be honest with you...

[celinemc]

Yeah im not ready to end it just yet, im hoping somehow the financial nightmare with him will end at some point because nobody would want to be in that situation themselves.

[ummmm]

Sorry...it doesn't work like that. They chase the win, they are always chasing the win.

It's like putting £10 in a fruit machine excited you might win...then realising after you've lost it that you'll need it...so you chance another £10 hoping to make up for the lost £10.

I've known people blow their whole months wages on pay day.

Be very wary.

[Cloverjo]

I agree with everyone else. I was involved with a gambler, and he would say anything in order to get money, and avoid paying it back. He still owes me money but I know I will never get it back now after almost 20 years, even though I still see him around sometimes. Get out if you can.

[celinemc]

thanks clover. Thanks guys for your answers. Really helps me put things into perspective alot.

[slinky.kate]

its very hard,i was in the same situation as you,believe me he will go to any lengths to get money of you,cheating,lying ,stealing,i have been through it all.they never change.i nearly lost my house,friends,divorce.i had money lenders etc on the phone threatening me.i had to pay off his car,he always got stuff put in my name,so I was liable for everything.i met him 30 years ago and we are still friends,one of the kindest people I know,every now and then he gives me a couple of hundred pounds,any work needed done in the house he does for free(he is a painter and decorator)he says he knows what he done was bad, I cant forgive what he done but I've learned to live with it(compulsive gambling is a horrible illness)I think he still gambles but not as much,but i'll never know,the excuses is unbelievable.by all means continue your relationship,but to keep it NEVER'lend or give him money.

[VHG]

Dump him now. A person with a gambling habit, and one who lies to his girlfriend, is not worth keeping.

He will have this gambling habit all his life and if you say with him you will suffer as well.

A lady friend of mine was married to a gambler and in the end he lost so much they had to sell their house and they finished up homeless.

Please dont be so gullible and lend him more money.

[Old_Geezer]

I'm surprised you felt the need to ask for confirmation.

Be assertive with him, or leave. Whichever you decide, insist he gets professional help to conquer his addiction. Point out he'll never have a decent life until he is free from it.

[grasscarp]

At times I was stupid. I used to hand money under table to boyfriend so it looked like he was paying. Esacaped eventually.

[TWR]

Once a liar, always a liar, get out before you are drawn into HIS" debts.

[smurfchops]

You may end up claiming it back on Judge Rinder ... Sounds like you would win the case

[Hopkirk]

You can do SO much better than this waster.