Stuck Between A Rock And A Very Hard Place

[dieseldick]

im seperated a year now, tough going, wifey with another guy etc. we have 1 daughter aged 6 years old who im very very close with. here is the sticking point, im unemployed at minute, offshore worked is finished, theres zilch offshore its over. only work i can get is in london with decent money maybe 23-26 an hour. if i stay here in belfast i can get work for £10 an hour thats it - £280 week or thereabouts , ive an apartment at 450 pcm to pay out of that too , so staying and working in belfast not an option. london is only place i can earn decent money for what im used to getting. but....i have to leave my child, she was crying today when i told her, its breaking my heart. as i say we are really close, i take her to school everyday , make her dinner, leave her home, she sleeps over , she allways wants to be with me and not her mum ( her mums from thailand ) she has 2 half brothers but they dont play with her, they dont talk to her, she confides in me that shes lonely staying in her mums , a 6 year old feeling lonely !!! its not right. she tells me she cried a lot and even now to think of me and her mum seperated, i feel for her, she has no aunts or granny or anything in her life apart from me and her mum..hence im stuck - should i stay here the rest of life in belfast or should i go away to work ? bearing in mind i,ll get back to belfast only about 3-4 weekends per year.
what would you do ? be selfish and go or stay .

[EDDIE51]

Your child lives with you but your ex wife 'claims' for her? That is wrong and illegal. If the parents are separated the parent with whom the child lives gets the child benefit , tax credit. housing council / tax benefit and the rest! Your wife has another man to 'keep' her. She is claiming illegally . The benefits you are rightfully entitled to would make a really huge difference to your income.
I was wrong earlier, as a single parent you can get the maximum child tax and working tax credit by working just 21 hours a week.
(it is 24 hours for a couple).
Jourdain is right as well, by the time you take off the costs of living (travel & Housing) in London it can actually be worse than living where you are.

[ummmm]

Eddie, the child lives with the mother

[wolf63]

Eddie - I think that his little girl stays with her mum but spends lots of time w
ith DD

[Islay]

Depending on how is the main caregiver and how many days the child spends with each parent - If couples can't agree HMRC will make the decision

[EDDIE51]

^^ If the child shares time between two parents on an official basis organised by the family court each parent can get a % of the relevant benefits. That is what happens with one of my granddaughters, my daugher has her 25% of the time and gets 25% of the benefits.

[Islay]

Sorry Eddie that is not correct, child benefit and child tax credits is paid to one parent only it is not split.

[EDDIE51]

OK then it must be an arrangement between the two parents, my daughter gets 25% of the cash but she and the father are on friendly terms , which I know is not always the case.

[cupotee2]

I am going to say what I have been known to tell other people with a similar situation.....stay where you are for now. Love you child as she loves you.

The nice car and holidays are not as important as your little girl right now. Ok it will be a struggle, but children grow up so fast please don't miss any more than you really have to.

Before you can turn around she will be all grown up.

Think of all the fun you can in the coming few years, have making fun with day trips together, picnics, and little adventures, not too far away...together.

I used to walk my Grandson along a river bank where we'd chat as we walked talking about all the things we could see around us making plans to return later to see what changes over a few weeks...he is in his 30s now and often talks about his adventures with Nan in the school holidays.

[hc4361]

Have you thought about the child maintenance you will be paying for your daughter? To put it simply, the more you earn, the more you will pay so you could be in the situation where you are earning great money in London but keeping very little for yourself after the high bills and cost of living. You could end up no better off in London than you would be in Belfast and lose contact with your daughter. Long distance relationships with your children are difficult especially if you only see the kids two or three times a year.

You need to prioritise. Get a job in Belfast, pay your bills and make sure you eat well. With your health problems that is paramount. You won't have a lot left over for luxuries or non-essentials but it's been said on this thread already. Being involved in the day to day life of your daughter is the greatest gift you can give her. As well as the routine stuff that has to be done - school runs, homework, chores - there will be time for fun and 'togetherness' which need cost nothing or very little.

She has had a lot of disruption in her life and you can give her the stability she needs, just by being there for her.

[Bathsheba]

Well said hc.....

Baths
x x x

[jourdain2]

I just hope DD read all these responses.

[dieseldick]

yes jourdain, much appreciated.............. thanks