Grandson Self Harming

[DarceyK123]

My grandson is 10 and whenever he gets stressed he claws at his face, rocks himself and bites his arms.

It's getting so bad that the school ring on a regular basis. They just don't know what to do with him and neither do we.

We have asked him why?, what's wrong but he just shrugs and says he doesn't know.

They have taken him to the doctors but he just won't speak to them, they have refered him for Counselling but there's a waiting list.

[Tilly2]

How long is the waiting list and how long has he been self-harming?

[Mamyalynne]

He may really not know why he's doing it or certainly can't verbalise it.

Hope the counselling gets sorted quickly, keep badgering them if you can.

In the meantime give him some diversionary techniques to use - stress balls and similar can help to deflect away from harming.

Something is obviously making him very unhappy, has this started suddenly?

[woofgang]

has he been assessed for autism?

[DarceyK123]

Thanks for all your replies. He's been doing it on and off, sometimes it goes months withou an incident, for about 18 months.

The waiting list is a couple of months but they are trying to get it sooner. Woofgang, he hasn't been assessed for anything my thoughts are similar to yours.

[Buenchico]

The local authority is likely to have their own Educational Psychology Service, separate to the NHS provision available through your GP. It's worth enquiring about it.

It's also worth seeking out experiences which will leave your grandson with a sense of achievement, such as indoor climbing walls (or whatever he's interested in).

[237SJ]

I was thinking the same. He might be on the autistic spectrum.

[DarceyK123]

He is quite a bright child but gets very upset if he doesn't achieve. EG if he doesn't get 100% in a test he gets upset. 98% would not be good enough.

[237SJ]

Children on the autistic spectrum can be very bright.

[pixie374]

My son used to do that, he's autistic too. He was told to push as hard as he can against a wall or wrestle with a pillow or something. He hasn't done it for about 4 years now. He's 13.

[Buenchico]

People on the autism spectrum are often 'perfectionists' and get furious with themselves if they get something wrong. (I know that only too wellm, because I'm on the autism spectrum myself).

For example, somebody might stop me and ask me for directions. Later in the day I'll realise that I sent them the long way round, adding a minute or two to their journey. I'll feel really bad about it for days and the experience will keep haunting me for decades. (For example, I still keep kicking myself about some poor directions I gave to a motorist in Sheffield 35 years ago, even though he will have still have reached his destination without needing to ask again. Even thinking about it now is making me tense up).

So, if 98% in a test is never good enough for your grandson, he might well be on the autism spectrum. (For me, getting 100% can be equally frustrating because I then start kicking myself that I can't do it every time).

[DarceyK123]

Thanks Pixie374 I will pass that on. The problem is when he is at school he can't do that, they just ring his Mother to collect him and to be honest that's when it happens mostly, but he says he likes school and won't take a day off even when he's ill.

[pixie374]

Mine had a stress ball at school. Distraction is best.

[anneasquith]

A brave post Chris . sorry for intrusion Darcey.

[pixie374]

Could they just take him outside for five minutes or another room?

[DarceyK123]

Did you ever get to the bottom of it? Was it stress related?

[pixie374]

Nothing obvious, Darcey. He was also diagnosed with sensory processing disorder, which has some very similar symptoms to autism and are often confused. As Chris says, it could be anything or nothing.

[Mamyalynne]

After discussion with School, my Grandson was allowed a stress ball or allowed to make a small signal and leave the room for a moment if things were getting too stressful - but of course the school will often work more closely with you if there's a diagnosis of sorts.

He was diagnosed Autistic very early.

[DarceyK123]

Jono1948, don't think there is anything wrong at home (hope not anyway) nothing new but yes he was/still is being bullied at school. They do know about it but don't look like they are doing anything much.

Though the strange thing is GSon still wants to go.

My Son is trying to get him moved but there are no other spaces available at the moment.