Really Struggling At The Moment.

[Traci66]

Husband died three months ago, I thought I was coping okay, this last week has been really hard though, literally can't keep any food down, crying, can't sleep and feel so alone even though I have family around me. My question is, why now?

[scorpiojo]

Have you been trying to cope by not letting your feelings show? Having family around is not the same thing though...have you been to the docs or contacted Cruse, or anything, Traci? xx

http://www.cruse.org.uk

[Traci66]

Not been to docs or contacted cruse, and yes you're probably right, have been trying to be string, mainly for the kids sake, holding them together.

[murraymints]

oh dear Tracie ..3 months is no time at all..and whether or not you have family around you you are bound to be feeling tearful....your relationship with your husband was very different to that with family and you will feel a sense of abandonment even with a loving family around you..I lost dad just over a year ago now and mum is still very teary and upset..have you talked to your doctor about counselling..cruse are very good and there may be a befriending service local to you that can match you with a lady who has been through the process for you to talk to at low times....you may benefit from short term anti depressants also....this is a very emotive time of the year when a loss will be felt more acutely..talking is good and I urge you to see your GP soon..will be thinking of you through this difficult time xx

[Traci66]

I just feel as though I am 'going through the motions' when I get up each day, no enthusiasm for anything, even my job which I love.

[woofgang]

It hits when it hits Traci. Its been 5 years for me now and I still get bad patches

[david small]

It is well known in Chinese medicine that after a traumatic shock illness may manifest itself often about three months after the initial tigger incident. This may be the case. Suppressing deep emotions causes emotional conflicts. I do feel for you. I am not religious, but, am certain that there is a continuation of the spirit after death. Time will heal you......slowly. Be strong.

[Traci66]

Is it normal that I feel guilty that I didn't react like this when it happened?

[scorpiojo]

Yes, but there is no reason to. Let yourself grieve xx

[murraymints]

perfectly normal Traci...delayed shock/trauma..you must go see your GP....xx

[Mamyalynne]

Early days Traci, and yes guilt can come as part of the package too - there's no pattern to how long things take.

But it does get easier I promise.

[Tilly2]

Yes, it is. Initially, you have so much to do and organise and other people to consider, that you just hold yourself together and get on with it.

It's now that you can really grieve and, in time, with luck, each day there will be a slight lessening of the pain.

[Jennykenny]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I can't say that it will get better soon. There is no timetable for grief, and when people, who mean well, but who usually don't know what they are talking about, tell you this, they are wrong.
Having lost my husband of forty years, two years ago this month, I think that I am coping, and then I get chatting to another widow in the supermarket and suddenly we are both in tears.
I read something about how grief affects us. It is a bit like being on a boat out at sea. For a lot of the time we can sail along fairly calmly and then suddenly, for no reason we are suddenly overwhelmed by the emotion of the loss, and swamped and drowning in tears.
Traci, I'm sorry to say this will go on for some time. Your grief will come and go and you mustn't feel that there is any question of 'why now?' Take your time to understand that this is a tremendous loss. And come back to Answerbank to let us know how you are coping.
When I lost my husband I had amazing support here.

[Traci66]

The hospital sent me the 'diary' they kept when he was in intensive care for him to read 'when' he pulled through, but I can't bring myself to read it yet,

[anneasquith]

So normal, try be good to yourself, eat sleep when you want, talk about oh if you want, what about writing down your feelings each day, you need not reread it or you may get some comfort in the future, take care .

[murraymints]

too too soon Traci....you will go through a whole range of emotions..numbness..anger..loneliness...utter loss and emptiness..as others have said there is no time scale and everyone grieves in their own way in their own time...there is no right and no wrong way..but do take full advantage of any help offered...

[yogi-bear]

Firstly, I'm very sorry for your loss, Traci.

Why now? Because it's probably a delayed reaction to everything that's happened in the last three months..... you've been strong and coped admirably and never hurts to mourn, my lovely....no matter how late.

Your family must be proud of you, and supportive in these last few months and never forget there is always someone to talk with, whether a chat with your GP to let him/her know what your feeling.....help organisation's who will listen to your worry's and thoughts, and sites like this that have good, quality, and fine people who will try and give you advice and help.

Nothing wrong with grieving, Traci,..... I know it sounds a cliche, but time heals.... it really does.

Stay strong and send you lots of love and hugs

Yogi xx

[grasscarp]

My husband died a year ago. I have been alright this past year and suddenly recently find myself in last few days feeling really sad. I believe we will meet again in the next life when it is my turn to go and this helps a lot. So the why now is unanswerable. It can be any time. You will get through this Traci. xx

[murraymints]

hugs to you too carpy xx

[grasscarp]

Appreciated Minty. thank you x

[yogi-bear]

Me too, grasscarp xx