Lack Of Intimacy

[Snafu03]

Is talking to your partner about lack of intimacy in a relationship a strategy that produces a solution?

Or is it like trying to talk someone into liking cabbage?

[Snafu03]

I can understand both sides of what is being said here as people are talking from personal experience. I guess its not a deal breaker for me, maybe 15 years ago it would've been a bigger problem with more testosterone running around my system!

I just think talking may create a false situation whereby intimacy is there in a contrived way, but will only be short lived, a token effort.

[Mamyalynne]

Yes, you tried and that's all we are suggesting - bring the topic into the open and go from there.

It may not work but is better than not even attempting to save what was there.

[Mamyalynne]

Sorry my last reply was to Nailit.

[Snafu03]

' a bit more info would be useful...if its not to taboo.. '

I remember when those 50 shades books came out and she literally bought the trilogy and couldn't put them down. got a bit of action off the back of that, but not deluded enough to believe it was anything other the books putting her in the mood rather than my sexual magnetism! lol!

[Mamyalynne]

No, Snafu on that you are right - for someone to feel obliged is not the answer - you have to work as a couple.

If love is still there and you can cope then it's your decision after all.

[nailit]

Ive long thought that women don't go 'off' sex. They just go off sex with you and then get their jollies with 'woman porn'... like 50 shades

[nailit]

(while berating their men for watching a bit of slap and ticlke on the computer)

[woofgang]

I don’t think you will “talk them into it” but you might find out what the reason is and if there is anything that can be done to change it....or whether your partner even wants to.

[Snafu03]

woofgang, the only danger is I think I'm likely to get a cop out answer which doesn't paint the full picture.

Saying 'I don't fancy you anymore' may make her feel threatened in her position in the marriage and what that will mean for her if its no longer there, financially etc.

[woofgang]

Is the lack of sex a dealbreaker? because if it is then she has no marital security anyway, its just that she doesn’t know it.

[nailit]

//Saying 'I don't fancy you anymore' may make her feel threatened in her position in the marriage//
Or it might make her buck up a bit and realise that there are two of you in this marriage not just her..

[Snafu03]

'Or it might make her buck up a bit and realise that there are two of you in this marriage not just her.. '

that's the trouble nailit, it need to come from her own free will and desire, not the result of feeling threatened into it. That's only short lived, after a few times we'll be back to 6 month gaps between intimacy.

[pixie374]

She might not know why- there might not be an obvious reason. What else have you tried? If she is on the pill- that really won't help either.

[nailit]

Snaf, its not about threatening though is it. You have a desire for a relationship with your wife. Youre trying to SAVE your marriage and your wife doesn't seem interested and wont be interested if you let this situation continue

[Snafu03]

'Is the lack of sex a dealbreaker?' no, tbh if given the choice between a sex life or being a full time Dad to my daughter, would choose being there for my daughter every time.

[Sqad]

Why do you think massage parlours, prostitution, escort agencies and infidelity are flourishing? Because one of the "partners", usually the male, but not always has got bored with sex. Very simple really.
What is the answer? if this asexual life is not a big deal, then there is no problem, but if sex is important to the male/female then the status quo cannot be allowed to continue.
What can be done to alleviate the situation?
Discussing the problem is the adult way forward, the sensible way forward but unfortunately the results are disappointing and one just gives up.
Marriage counselling........my gut feeling based on the encyclopedia of life is that success rates are equally low.......SO
Prostitution, escort agencies, massage parlours, mistresses and maybe masturbation..........all flourishing. The French and Greeks in particular have already accepted this solution has have many other countries.......but not the Brits.
So.....try and talk it over.......but "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

[Berniecuddles2]

sqad excellent answer

[Snafu03]

Lol, can see what Squad is saying but I'm just not of the mindset to dish out money for what is basically a soulless experience.

[Sqad]

So Snafu03.....then live with it.^^^^^^

[Snafu03]

I kind of am. I'm not at the end of any tether, or about to walk but just would be nice to get it back on track.