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Moving On And Ptsd
10 Answers
OK please bear with me, this is a long one.
I lived with a guy for a few years. After about 3 years he started accusing me of having affairs. I wasnt. I took a lie detector and passed it but that wasnt enough. For the next 3 years I was subject to accusations, abuse and general nastiness. He put a tracker on my car, hacked my emails, took my sim card out my phone, photocopied private banking records, bugged the phone, "investigated" my friends etc. By the end he was interrogating me for 7 or 8 hours at a time. Unfortunately, it took me a long time to realise that I was in an emotionally and sexually abusive relationship. Thankfully with the support of good friends and family and some professional help, I separated from him and then left. Over the last year I have built a new life for myself alone.
Now two significant events have occurred. Firstly, I was the main witness in a criminal prosecution against him. In the week leading up to the trial, I became paralysed and completely unable to deal with life. I was diagnosed with PTSD and given some pills short term but referred to counselling. The trial concluded last week and since then I have slept like a baby. No more nightmares no more anxiety and I do feel free. The Counselling referral came through last week.
Secondly, I met an old friend and he became more than a friend. We have become a committed couple. Yesterday he asked me to move in with him.
My two questions. Do I need to follow up the referral for PTSD? At the time I sought it I was very fragile. But now the trial is over I do feel quite free. I sleep well, I get on with life, and I have no anxiety.
Secondly, do I move in with my beau? Some very good friends of mine, with whom I have complete trust and who know the extent of what I went thru have gently given me pause for thought. Is it too soon? Am I on the rebound? There is no pressure, the gentleman concerned will wait. But ultimately, I do love him and I want to commit to him.
Am I in danger of dismissing the counsel of good mates who have stuck by me? Or should I follow my heart on the basis that the worst that can happen is that my relationship with my gentleman friend will disintegrate. Part of me thinks the worst that can happen is it doesnt work and we go our separate ways.
I'd be interested in views, please. Objective views from people who dont know me...
I lived with a guy for a few years. After about 3 years he started accusing me of having affairs. I wasnt. I took a lie detector and passed it but that wasnt enough. For the next 3 years I was subject to accusations, abuse and general nastiness. He put a tracker on my car, hacked my emails, took my sim card out my phone, photocopied private banking records, bugged the phone, "investigated" my friends etc. By the end he was interrogating me for 7 or 8 hours at a time. Unfortunately, it took me a long time to realise that I was in an emotionally and sexually abusive relationship. Thankfully with the support of good friends and family and some professional help, I separated from him and then left. Over the last year I have built a new life for myself alone.
Now two significant events have occurred. Firstly, I was the main witness in a criminal prosecution against him. In the week leading up to the trial, I became paralysed and completely unable to deal with life. I was diagnosed with PTSD and given some pills short term but referred to counselling. The trial concluded last week and since then I have slept like a baby. No more nightmares no more anxiety and I do feel free. The Counselling referral came through last week.
Secondly, I met an old friend and he became more than a friend. We have become a committed couple. Yesterday he asked me to move in with him.
My two questions. Do I need to follow up the referral for PTSD? At the time I sought it I was very fragile. But now the trial is over I do feel quite free. I sleep well, I get on with life, and I have no anxiety.
Secondly, do I move in with my beau? Some very good friends of mine, with whom I have complete trust and who know the extent of what I went thru have gently given me pause for thought. Is it too soon? Am I on the rebound? There is no pressure, the gentleman concerned will wait. But ultimately, I do love him and I want to commit to him.
Am I in danger of dismissing the counsel of good mates who have stuck by me? Or should I follow my heart on the basis that the worst that can happen is that my relationship with my gentleman friend will disintegrate. Part of me thinks the worst that can happen is it doesnt work and we go our separate ways.
I'd be interested in views, please. Objective views from people who dont know me...
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Thank you. Caran, its not a case of wanting more time, because I actually feel ready to commit to this remarkable man.
Spikeybush - that is advice I shall take, thank you. My situation was nothing like Afghanistan and I shant denigrate you in any way - no one can imagine what that was like and I feel a slight fraud. But I thank you very much for your input and I shall take the treatment offered. Thank you for being so open.
Spikeybush - that is advice I shall take, thank you. My situation was nothing like Afghanistan and I shant denigrate you in any way - no one can imagine what that was like and I feel a slight fraud. But I thank you very much for your input and I shall take the treatment offered. Thank you for being so open.
I would be loathe to end treatment before the medical profession advised it.
I'd also suggest that if you have such doubts about whether it is too soon to move in with another that you post asking, then you might consider that you have no need to rush. You can still meet up regularly and enjoy each other's company. You said that he'll wait. Talk it over with him.
Maybe come up with a flexible date when you hope you might know for sure. Personally I think the choice of if and when to move in is yours, so would not want to give a yes/no reply. But to repeat myself, there seems no rush. And you probabily want to be more sure this time after your previous experience.
I'd also suggest that if you have such doubts about whether it is too soon to move in with another that you post asking, then you might consider that you have no need to rush. You can still meet up regularly and enjoy each other's company. You said that he'll wait. Talk it over with him.
Maybe come up with a flexible date when you hope you might know for sure. Personally I think the choice of if and when to move in is yours, so would not want to give a yes/no reply. But to repeat myself, there seems no rush. And you probabily want to be more sure this time after your previous experience.
If it were me I would definitely go through with the counselling, PTSD is not something that completely disappears, in times of stress it can pop up again very easily. Given what you have gone through I can understand why your friends and family are urging caution not to rush into living together, Your man will wait, he knows your situation, give yourself a bit of time to recover from the trauma of last few years.
Why do you think your relationship with your new guy will disintegrate? If his feelings are true he will not need you to make a big serious commitment to him at this stage when the past is still raw, give yourself time to heal.
Why do you think your relationship with your new guy will disintegrate? If his feelings are true he will not need you to make a big serious commitment to him at this stage when the past is still raw, give yourself time to heal.
Your ex has already claimed enough of your life, so don't hesitate to live and do whatever you want henceforth. If you are afraid to take a leap of faith, your worthless excuse of an ex still has part control.
Do what your heart tells you but do follow up on the counselling where you can.
What was the outcome of the criminal trial?
Do what your heart tells you but do follow up on the counselling where you can.
What was the outcome of the criminal trial?
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