Is It Acceptable To Go To A Funeral But Not The Wake?

[anthro-nerd]

It's the funeral of a very close family friend tomorrow and I know I'm going to be so upset. I am going to the funeral, but I wanted to miss the wake - but don't want this to be seen as disrespectful. The reason being that it's going to be a huge affair (hundreds of friends) and my they'll be primarily my mother's friends too... who passed away 8 years ago. It's going to bring a lot back. So I want to pay my respects at the funeral, but would it be disrespectful to miss the wake?

[Jackdaw33]

Not at all.

[EcclesCake]

I don’t think so. I didn’t even attend my own Mother’s wake!

[naomi24]

Yes, perfectly acceptable. Offer your condolences to the family and just say you can't join them.

[anthro-nerd]

Eccles, my mother's wake is still the best party I've ever been too... I even lost my dress at one point! (No funny business, but a funny game gone wrong!)

[MargoTester]

I don't think so, if you feel it necessary just explain your reason for not attending the wake. The funeral is the most important thing in my opinion.

[whistonian]

Not at all Anthro.

[Barmaid]

No it isnt.

Very often you will have the opportunity to see the family after the service, you could just mention that it was kind of them to extend an invite to you, but unfortunately you cant attend. If you need to say anything at all.

Dont feel bad.

[anthro-nerd]

Naomi, it's very unlikely I'll get to see the family at all... the service is being held at a cathedral... and the wake is at venue at a local theme park (i.e. the numbers are going to be huge, this man was a legend).

[Cloverjo]

I almost never go to wakes. No one minds. Give your condolences, and leave.

[Quoi]

I dont think disrespectful but i couldnt face the wake after my sisters funeral - i wanted some time to myself. I had many questions afterwards about why I wasnt there.
didnt consider not going before the funeral though as you are.

[emmie]

no, go to the funeral, and explain because of circumstances you can't make the wake, sure they will understand.

[anthro-nerd]

He's going to be buried in the same graveyard as my mother, perhaps if I don't get to see the family, I'll visit him at the weekend and say goodbye.

Gosh, the more I think about it, the more I'm tearing up

[naomi24]

anthro-nerd, oh right. I didn't realise that. In that case just leave after the service. It really is perfectly acceptable.

[Barmaid]

If that is the case, then just dont go to the wake but dont feel bad about it. With that many people there, they probably wont notice (dont take that the wrong way).

[anthro-nerd]

Barmaid, you're right, I won't be missed! Not in a bad way, just in a numbers way!

[Barmaid]

If they do them in your area, do fill in the card left by the undertaker so they know you were at the service.

[anneasquith]

Wait.........decide tomorrow after the funeral, there is no right or wrong .

[Peter Pedant]

No it is quite OK
I do this quite often - it is the other way round people object to.
and yes ' I was too upset' is very acceptable

the first time I did this was a commemoration of a suicide and the orator said:
"and then of course as we know - the professor visited him and told him he would never work again !"
I was too upset to do anything besides drive home

[jourdain2]

It's perfectly acceptable to miss the wake, but do ensure that the family know you were at the service by expressing your condolences. You don't have to say why you can't face the wake, just that you can't attend.

[Peter Pedant]

you could always WRITE and say that you enjoyed well whatever the funeral and were not able to face the wake