Should I Write A Letter?

[Sceptre]

My daughter and son in law have been trying for a baby for the last two years, without success.

They sought help from the NHS and “eventually” have completed all the tests required. The final appointment before referral is now not until, the end of May.
My daughter is 34 and feels that time is slipping by.

Her mother in law is desperate to have a grandchild even to the point of making comments like, “I’ll never be a Grandma” at family gatherings in front of my daughter.

Now. The Rub...... she is a very, very, very, comfortably well off woman, and could easily afford to pay for them to go private, but she hasn’t offered. Even when my daughter told her last year that the waiting list is so long and they would have to wait. No offer was forthcoming.

Should I pen a letter to her asking if she could help them? My daughter has said no, but I feel time is running out for them. If I had the money, I would gladly help them. What does anybody think?

[Mamyalynne]

I would keep out of it in that regard, though I understand your feelings.

[anneasquith]

Stay out of your daughter and her husbands business .

[cashier]

No I wouldn't, especially after your daughter said No.

[Patsy33]

No, definitely not.
There's still good time left. Be patient.

[Sceptre]

Really? All of you saying “no” so far. I’m surprised.

[woofgang]

If your daughter has said no then there is an end to it. She may not want to be so beholden to her Mil. If it was me though I would be taking her (Mil) aside and telling her that if you hear her commenting once more about not being a grandma, you will be digging a big hole in the garden and it won't be for planting a tree. IMO its one of the nastiest things that can be said to someone who is TTC and having trouble.

[anneasquith]

Your daughter said no ?

[Sceptre]

Yes anne. But it’s not because she doesn’t want to be beholden to her. I think because her husband hasn’t asked, she feels she can’t either.

If it was offered, it would definitely be accepted.

[woofgang]

last time last comment. Stay out of it. Its your daughter and her partner's business, they are grown ups if they want to ask they will.

[EDDIE51]

It's a NO from me as well. Your daughter has said 'No' to your idea. Do not go behind her back.

[jakep]

No you should not write a letter. The consequences for your relationship with your daughter could be very negative.

[Gromit]

No.
It is very rude telling people how to spend their money.
If his mother hadn’t offered, it is because she does not want to spend her money that way. Assuming there are no medical impairments, they will have children naturally anyway, eventually, for no cost.

[Sceptre]

Fair enough all. Thank you for your thoughts. I’ll keep schtum.

[237SJ]

"It's very rude to tell people how to spend their money" Personally, I think it is very rude to tell other people that they should be having kids. I would give the NHS a chance to help the situation and then rethink at a later date.

[jourdain2]

Delicate situation. If M-i-L were to help then family would be beholden. I didn't know at the time (if I had, I would have advised strongly against) but my daughter and s-i-l accepted considerable money from his mother to enable them to buy a better house than they could otherwise have afforded. Pigeons are now coming home to roost and the marriage is in danger.
Unless you and m-i-l can come up with a shared donation I would strongly advise against it. Very often, if couples give up trying and go for adoption then nature takes its course. She's only 34, time yet - but start saving.

[-SharonA-]

I say no too.

[yogi-bear]

Sorry, Sceptre....another NO here....it's not your business to do anything...your daughter has told you 'no' also, so you should respect her wishes.
Perhaps your daughters husband may mention something to his mother.

[hellywelly4]

Definite No from me too. Perhaps your daughter should speak to her husband about it - it's his mother, so any approach should surely come from him.
If it had been my MIL I would have spoken out before now. How insensitive.

[pastafreak]

No...no...no!
It's no one's business but theirs, and to bring money into it whether as a loan or a gift changes their relationship with the mil.

[jno]

No, stay out of it. M-I-L should keep her mouth shut but that’s not your business either.