Complicated Sex Life

[pumpjack]

ex wife was a model, wife after her was stunning, ive never had a problem with finding / dating woman, though for some years now i find that i go off sex with same person very quickly.
hate to say it but i used to cheat on my wifes with fat ugly woman for one night stands ,
so, what the hell is wrong with me, i dont want to be like this anymore.....there is a new woman in my life and she is absolutely gorgeous but i know this is going to end the same way and im going to get bored.....
spoke to my doctor about this years ago, he told me i have a problem getting emotionally attatched , whatever he meant , i didnt push it or go into great detail but obviously there is some underlying phycological reasoning behind this.

[BagPussAA]

You remind me of a good friend of mine. He starts relationships with wonderful women, they are the "loves of his life" but within 3 or 4 months of the relationship starting, he is already looking for a girl on the side. He says he does it because he has a higher sex drive than the women he dates. He doesnt want to end the relationships but doesnt get the level of sex he needs or the excitement of experimenting.

You may have a similar issue. You might just need to find the right woman who will keep you interested in bed. You get bored with the vanilla, lights out on a Saturday night sex and might do one night stands simply to get more variety. Have you tried looking for a woman who can provide you with more variety, that will experiment more with you?

[Peter Pedant]

God this has more twists and turns in it than if he had tied it in a knot!

I favour cold showers - I do

[spathiphyllum]

"i have a problem getting emotionally attatched"

If you're able to cheat on a wife / partner then you have no respect not only for your commitment but also for the other person. The doc means for you to be able to cheat you must not be emotionally connected to the person you're in a relationship with. This may be maturity issues or as predicted you may only be able to think with your penis. It is physiological but bordem doesn't come into it and it's not an excuse.

Have you spoke to partners about this? Have you tried to initiate sexual relations in ways they may see more "turn on"ish rather than desperately needing a stimulant?

[spathiphyllum]

Do you ever feel unworthy or that your partner may leave you?

[Old_Geezer]

Does anyone get the level of sex they ideally want ? But only some look for the excitement of experimenting with the gamble of ruining a relationship they've invested time & effort building up over years. With the internet there are other ways of keeping one's hand in the game.

[Sqad]

O_G

"Does anyone get the level of sex they ideally want ?"

Yes, I think that they do, particularly the ones that are note too interested in sex or are happy with the basic maneuvers,so no problem there.
However, for many men, sex is important, essential and they are always looking for something different which is rarely endowed with one women and hence the multiplicity and inevitable boredom of many partners.

spath:

"If you're able to cheat on a wife / partner then you have no respect not only for your commitment but also for the other person"

In my opinion that is not necessarily the case and is far too simplistic an explanation.A man can be "in love" with more than one woman at a time and respect those relationships (at the time).

[spathiphyllum]

Then he should respect them both and his relationship with them both and let them both know his situation. It's only cheating when the woman is not aware. If they are then it's not cheating, its part of the rules.

Cannie slip through that one, Sqad ;)

[Sqad]

Spath....I don't like, or often if ever, use the word "cheating" ...it is man (woman) made and really doesn't offer a biological explanation for polygamy in some cases....;-)

[spathiphyllum]

Relationships have bog standard rules, if those are broken but the game goes on, then you are a cheater. You have to have respect in a relationship. How could you "cheat" on a partner and then look them in the eye the same way, with the same respect? You can't because the respect has gone the moment you childishly go behind their back.

If a relationship is set up with polygamy in mind, then i'm sure the rules can be adapted. If polygamy becomes a factor later in the relationship then it needs to be discussed and the rules edited as to not hurt someones feelings. Because that is also what you need respect for, their feelings, honesty and character.

[spathiphyllum]

BTW these "rules" and generically unspoken.

[Sqad]

spath....I am afraid we will never agree on this one, but all you say is strictly correct, but biology and in particular human reactions and normal inbred frailties rarely work in such a perfect society that you quite rightly subscribe to and describe so eloquently.

[spathiphyllum]

"but all you say is strictly correct"

Then it seems we agree ;)

As for animals on a planet Sqad, i agree with you. However, humans(society) have made the world exactly that... Human and filled with emotion, which could be seen as hysteric.

[BagPussAA]

I agree with you Sqad. You can respect your partner, love her and still be sexually active with someone else whom you also love and respect. Poly relationships accomplish it very well and this may be the kind of relationship that pumpjack needs to look for. If he is in a relationship with someone whom he doesnt get bored with then he will be less likely to seek pleasure behind their back. Whether that is by swinging with a partner or having a full poly relationship.. it might be your best bet.

[cassa333]

Give up marrying beautiful women and marry a fat ugly one and see if that turns the tide.