Meeting NSA women

[jonny7]

Hi, I'm new to AB but a previous question has prompted me to write one of my own.

Basically I am in a great relationship, I love my wife, but there is one problem. Our sex drives differ greatly. Mine being a lot greater than hers. I'm lucky if I get sex a few times a month.

I don't want to end the relationship, but sometimes I get very frustrated and this causes issues in the relationship.

I've heard about people having nsa relationships and am thinking of this as a possiblity. My questions is this - how do I go about meeting like minded women? Are there any avenues I can go down? The only one that comes to mind is dogging, but that's a bit sleazy for my liking (although each to their own).

Sorry to seem like a total git, but I want to preserve our relationship, and feel that such an outlet will mean less conflict.

[{Dakota}]

Hi, can I first start by asking what NSA is?

I am picking up that you wish to continue your relationship with your wife but maybe fulfill your sexual needs elsewhere?

If this is the case (NSA clarification required) then this is something you BOTH need to consider seriously. Do you think your wife and your relationship could handle the strain of such a set up? How do you think *you* could handle telling your wife you're off out for the evening to while uou fulfill these needs, knowing she is at home awaiting your return? Can you try to turn the situation around so that it is her wanting this to happen, how do you think you would feel knowing she is with another man?

You need to talk to your wife about how you feel about your sex life, and maybe try ways to change how it is right now. Ask her why her sex drive has diminished somewhat. Have you children that are maybe running her ragged and she's just tired, therefore making love to you is the last thing on her mind? Could it be that it has got into a predictable routine (no offence intended)?

There are other avenues for both of you to explore before you go down the route you are talking about. There are many sex therapists these days and they *can* help you as a couple.

If it turns out that your wife is agreeable to your suggestion, then I guess there are plenty of escort agents available to you. Prostitution is less sleezy as it was and if you go through an established agency you will find that the women are tested for STDs and paperwork can be provided to you. These women are as normal as myself and doing it purely for the extra/only income.

I am very interested to know the outcome, if you don't mind letting us know?

[Chessman]

I can understand your problem, but the greater problem, is if you go ahead and meet other women, your wife will find out, you may be able to keep it a secret for a time, but not indefinately. there must be an underlying cause for this, birth of a child, age, I don't know your situation. Have you talked to her about it.

However, if you want to go ahead, there must be plenty of sites out there, just google them.

[Chessman]

Dakota, thats a very good reply, I too would be interested in the outcome.

[Chessman]

NSA is 'no strings attached'

[Scarlett]

I think you need to accept that men and women are very different- we don't have that MUST SPREAD SEED feeling that you constantly have.Sorry to be unsymapthetic, but that's what w****ing is for. If you have NSA sex with someone else your wife will ultimately find out, and leave you. Then you will have no sex every month.

Alternatively you could find a nice man to have sex with- he would have about the same sex drive as you.

[{Dakota}]

Thank you Chessman, that was quite a compliment, I'm blushing at the meaning of NSA - that should have been obvious LOL :)

[maggie01]

I would try to sort this out with your wife. Do you have children? Maybe she is doing most of the chores and is just tired. Maybe you are thinking of yourself and forgetting to think about her. I personally never think this sort of thing works out. If your wife finds out and turns a blind eye, I'm sure inside she would feel devastated. The no strings attached doesn't always work out that way either. Perhaps you need to talk and meet each other half way.

[lady_p_gold]

I couldn't work out what NSA was either so don't blush. Do you know this is such a common problem. The thing is, if your partner has a different sex drive they either have to find an outlet on their own, or with some internet porn or an actual sexual outlet with someone else, with all that is brings. That is why I think it is far easier all round for the one who is not so keen just to do something for their partner .... I mean Jonny says he is lucky to have any sex more than a couple of times a month, but couldn't his wife, even if she is not in the mood, lovingly give him oral sex and then there is not a sort of resentment building - I mean its not difficult is it. I know its difficult with kids around and things and I do not know Jonnys circumstances but it seems to me he is approaching this in a caring way and she could help the situation a lot more than she is. I would hate the feeling that my husband was all frustrated and not knowing what to do.

[MangoPete]

What is it you are looking for ?
Is it intimacy or sex?
Often our need for sex is really a need for intimacy and acceptance.
You need to understand why you feel as you do.
The reason I say this is because I have been in the same situation as you.

Dogging is for some people, this is just sex for sexes sake. Tthose who do it are often no oilpaintings and it turns what is a very inimate special thing into something worse than masturb8tion as you can catch and spread many different sti's to your wife and others.


There are swinging sites, some who are regular swingers enjoy this. There are many lonely men who use sex to get intimacy from many avenues. Try to identify exactly what your feelings are.
Maybe you can't work them out BUT
You love your wife so do try to share with her maybe with a counsellors help. You never know it might open up a whole new sex life with her.
Good luck

[Morrisonker]

Scarlett - i think that masterbation is a poor subsitute for sex, I'm sure many people would agree. I've got a higher sex drive than my boyfriend and I crave the intimacy more than the actual sex.

I'm not sure it's the same for men, but this is the second post you've mentioned men having a 'need' to have sex while women don't. I think that the vast majority of women would disagree with you there, and probably the same amount of men. You can't make generalisations like that about sex, this is truely a case in life when everyone is different.

Jonny7 - you need to talk to her, but also try and work out if anything has happened recently to make her sex drive take a dip. If she's always been this way then you might just have to realise that you can't change her. Try and ignore your urges for a while and don' ask her for sex or makes moves on her. Rest assured, she know that there's a problem and if you keep mentioning sex and bringing it up she's going to feel uncomfortable and threatened. Maybe try having a romantic night in, some wine, lovely food, shared bath or something and just take time to be together and then *not have sex*.

[suzi-q]

I just wondered what your ages are? As one of the previous answers said when a woman is busy juggling kids, work, home etc, it can be really difficult to feel sexy.

Also from experience, the more pressure you put on your wife, the more she will feel stubborn and it does build up a kind of resentment in both of you You will feel rejected because she doesnt want sex and she will feel hard done by because you expect her to have sex when she doesnt really want it.

The only reason I mention age is that I was in a similar position in my 30s but when you hit 40s - sex drive comes back big-time. I dont know if other ladies are the same. It was just all the pressure I was under and kids are very demanding. the last thing you want is a man being demanding too.

You could try putting the idea of sex into her mind with a complimentary, loving and sensual text in the afternoon and keeping up the compliments throughout the evening so she feels appreciated, desired and loved. Also a nice sexy kiss which leads into sex rather than a direct approach? And dont get the hump if it doesnt work first time.

By the way - in my experience - NSA never really works out that way. Cos ladies in particular do get emotionally involved even if they think theyre not going to.

Good luck, hope you can sort things out.

[mimififi]

Don't know if this is relevent, but, When we got married (my husband and I) a very elderly man that we knew took my husband to one side and said "Sonny, if you want to make love to her on friday, you have to start working at it on Sunday morning."

I don't mean to be rude, but I'm just wondering if whether this problem is actually a symptom and not a cause. Barring all the usual such as illness, sleepless nights with a new baby being postnatal, antenatal or prenatal, etc...it could just be that she is feeling a little unloved.

I don't think that this "NSA" is ever solution. It is very sad to think that this is how modern relationships think they can sort themselves out. Loving someone is about putting their needs and them first every single time.

Introducing a third party, however "NSA" is very, very wrong for all three of you; for your wife, I think it would mean rejection and betrayal and possible contact with STDs; for you it will mean time away from your partner when you should be with her, a time of juggling and hiding, and possibly lying, and contact with STDs; and also for whoever it is who you go with who feels so little for herself that she is able to just sleep around with any tom D*** or harry.

It'll mess with your head, steer clear. SOme people are alone in this world, you have someone who loves you and all you can contemplate is how you don't feel you get 'enough'. Shame.

[Scarlett]

Morrisonker!

I am generalising, and of course everyone is different, but I think if you did a huge poll you would discover that men need/want sex more than women, as a general rule.