Name Change And Marriage

[Alex8491]

After some advice please.

I legally changed both my surname and forname around 5 years ago now.

Around 2 years ago I met my current partner and I've never told him about my changing name.

Fast forward to now and he's proposed and we are discussing wedding dates etc, not a church but a small registry service.

To marry him I know I have to produce my birth certificate and deed poll documents to the registrar but do I have to tell my partner this?

It's not a case of being dishonest I have nothing to hide from him but feel bow 2 years in it would raise questions as to why I never told him before.

Do I have an obligation to tell him? Legally? Morally?

Can I produce the documents to the registrar myself?

Thanks in advance

[JimF]

Would you rather he found out from you directly or in some other way?

[jno]

just the registrar, I think. But what's the problem exactly? If you're going to marry him why not tell him you've changed your name? It's not required legally or morally, why wouldn't you?

[Canary42]

Legally no, but I still think you should tell him - TRUST is the basis for a sound relationship - I'm sure he'll reailise this "come clean" is an assurance of your commitment now that you've decided to 'tie the knot'. If he backs off because of it, then he wasn't worth it in the first place.

[Mamyalynne]

Tell him well before you go the office, throughout your married life there may be other formalities that ask about former names.

He loves you , not your name.

[THECORBYLOON]

Would your husband not notice you handing over more documents than he does?

The Registrar may mention the change of name just in passing and your husband might hear.

I'd not worry about it, just tell him.

[Alex8491]

Thanks all for the replies. It's not so much as not wanting to tell him. My parents and long time friends all know and have accepted and been calling me my new name for 5 years now. My driving licence and passport are in the new Name, pay slips, bills etc. The only thing that remains of the old name is my birth certificate. It was changed for quite important reasons due to an abusive ex partner.

I just feel that it would present alot of questions if I were to tell him now.

I am me, legally my name now is my name it's who I am and who I've been since he met me.

[Canary42]

///I just feel that it would present a lot of questions if I were to tell him now. ///

I understand your trepidation, however so will he surely. And doesn't he deserve answers to those questions. I know some people do manage to conceal such secrets throughout their lives, so it's up to you in the end.

/// I am me, legally my name now is my name it's who I am and who I've been since he met me. ///


Yes, and I'm sure he'll agree.

I wish you both a long and happy marriage.

[jno]

how will your husband feel if he finds out some day that all your family and friends know, and only your husband doesn't?

[waterboatman]

I think you should tell him. If he every found out, and it does happen, what then? He wouldn't be able to trust you. If It was me I would want to know, so that if any mischief maker in the future told me I would be able to say 'I know!'

[bhg481]

Starting off a marriage with a secret is crass stupidity. Just don't do it.

[murraymints]

tell him..what's the big deal ? I couldn't care less if oh was Mickey Mouse before...it's who you are now that matters , not just a name...

[DTCwordfan]

minty - that's amazing detective work if Alex's name is Minnie....

Just tell him, Alex....best unload and be honest, no need for skeletons in the cupboard - don't tell me you put the ex in one....!

[murraymints]

EEK !! peep in the cupboard ! that may cast a different light on things

[waterboatman]

Or turn the light off!

[woofgang]

If all your family know then you can’t rely on keeping it a secret......just be honest with him.

[jakep]

Most troubling that you do not include him in “friends and family”
You must tell him. He will ask questions, you should answer them. Then hopefully move into a good marriage with a solid base and no secrets.

[dannyk13]

Is it your name or your ex partner that you want to keep secret?

[Kathyan]

I changed my surname by deed poll and it's on my marriage certificate as D******l formerly J********n. So unless the rules have changed, he
will find out.

[ummmm]

I'm with the 'tell him' brigade. You have legit reasons for changing your name.

[steg]

If your name was John, Fred, Dave or similar I wouldn’t tell him