manic depression

[greeneyes]

has anybody fell in love with somebody whom has manic depression(bi-polar disorder)? im frightened my life will be hell.hes on lithium

[WendyS]

Unless you are prepared for one hell of a roller-coaster ride for the rest of your life, walk away now. Harsh advice but are you strong enough to take what will almost inevitably be coming your way? Get down to the library and read all about this condition and understand how it affects the individual and those in a relationship with them. Ask yourself what difficult situations you've already coped with in your life and multiply them by ten. Do you have the patience to cope with all the ups and downs? If you're still prepared to go ahead, good luck. You will probably need it.

[Drusilla]

Bi-polar disorder is a treatable medical condition and the medications are improving all the time, but living with a sufferer is not easy.
Your partner's energy levels will vary greatly, depending on the phase and he/she will suffer extreme changes in mood and thought, some of which may prove frightening to you.
Having a relationship is possible, but you will have to be emotionally strong and patient. You would also be wise to be in touch with a support group who will be able to help you both. www.dbsalliance.org has a lot of useful info, but it's not a British site, but will give you a basic understanding of the illness.
I believe Spike Milligan, Jeremy Brett(Sherlock Holmes) and Linda Hamilton (Terminator films) have all been sufferers.
Best wishes.

[nfn]

My friends hubby is a Manic Depressive and takes Lithium. He is probably the calmest, gentlest most balanced person I know! His Lithium levels are monitored regularly and if any adjustment is needed it's done immediately. By my description you might think he's slightly docile, I can assure you he isn't, he's sporty, very active and fantastically funny. Manic Depression is a manageable illness like many others. You can have a life of hell with someone with no medical conditions, someone who is treated properly is no different to you or me.

[greeneyes]

hi everybody,thank you for your comments.i think i may have worded my question wrongly.

i cant help but love this guy..he is caring,intelligent and the funniest person i have ever met.i have read up on his condition and try hard to understand him and support him.i have suffered from depression myself in my youth and try to be compassionate.

the problems is that he views everything with a negative attuide and lacks motivation,which sometimes disturbs me as i feel by doing things together will improve the situation.we dont live together,in fact we live 300 miles apart,but we are really close and confide in each other.sometimes he tells me i deserve better than him,which upsets me,and he also says he is difficult to live with.but at the end of day.he has good morals and values,and is the most interesting person i have ever met.

IN A PICKLE..IT WOULD BE NICE IF YOUR PARTNER COULD POST AN ANSWER.thanks xxx

[tellboy]

Just my point of view.
People diagnosed with bipolar disorder by a physchiatrist as opposed to a GP or just think they are BPD are going to be OK. so do not worry.
The manic bit is not Jack Nicholson wielding his axe in the film "The Shining" but is everything being wonderful and in super technicolour, songs are beautiful, with moods of 9 and 10 you are very creative, need no sleep, try to keep impossible schedules , spend money like water and though you think it is great you get on other peoples nerves..
The swing into depression is everything opposite and you want to be left alone. When it is really bad you can only feel anywhere near OK and calm again by planning to end it all.
This is luckily very rare though. You allow yourself to be calm for a bit then just accept you are going to suffer for a bit by feeling very down.
It is worse for the partner and it is best if they are involved with any treatment or counselling.
The trouble with the treatment is that you really miss the highs, you think they are good for you.
Hope this is helpful (it is supposed to be from my point of view)

[greeneyes]

thanks to IN A PICKLES partner for his postive response,and i agree with you that i could be with somebody who makes my life hell(most of my friends are).i do love this guy,and as you say i am getting used to his highs and lows.i think what attracted him to me the most was his sense of humour(mad and ott),but i still have never found anybody that makes me laugh as much as him.i hope i am a strong enough person to support him,i suppose you dont know until you try..im happy that i have recieved comments from you and your partner..it has helped a lot.take care xxxx

[greeneyes]

thank you TELLBOY for your point of view,it has helped me try and understand the illness better.i have ordered some books,an unquiet mind by kay jamison,i hope to learn from them.take care x

[milkybarkid]

i have a friend who is manic depressive and i think that its too harsh to tell her just walk away. if you love him, which it sounds like you do, then it sounds like you will cope. my friend is hard to cope with sometimes but i wouldnt change her for the world. people with manic depression have original, different views to the world and judging without understanding these is just prejudice. if you get to know him well enough then eventually you can help him through the highs and lows, which is probably what he needs.

[polar_bear]

Milkybarkid and Tellboy have got it spot on. Don't ,however,think you are likely to be a "carer" for the rest of your life it is effectively treatable thanks to the armoury of pills they have now it is just difficult getting them right and you can't just switch from one type to another in a few days more like 6 months. I know and it took me 2 years. My perception now is that I am normal but who knows. It is also no use just saying "take lithium" everyone is different and that is the problem

Try and read this book. From Amazon. Coping with Depression and Elation Dr Patrick McKeon. Aimed at the families as well as the sufferer.

Has your partner read the replies ? and just being nosy (if I am allowed to be if not please ignore). Just a shot in the dark ....is he an obsessional perfectionist with a very precise and rigid approach to life and hard on himself meeting his own targets frequently disappointed in other peoples faults. If the bus is late or someone is late for an appointment or not prepared or just not up to scratch as they should be does he point out their faults with the statement they need to know etc..etc..and if so does this embarrass you. Might not be like this for him but I was and this was always a sign of the real "bad downs" approaching but days later " absolute elation" and everyone and everything was wonderful

Good Luck.....

[Stwild]

Hi greeneyes I also love someone who is manic depressive. Unfortunately my friend refuses any kind of medication. He was my first boyfriend and came back into my life after 30 years. We were together five and then he was diagnosed. It seems like as soon as a name was put on his problem he just shut down. My question to everyone is when do you know it's time to give up.