a patient told me today his wife is having an affair

[nfn]

they've been married 40 odd years and he found out in October that she started seeing his BEST FRIEND in April this year. It's not really advice I'm after, just support really. You see this patient is the lovliest chap and he just broke down this morning. I can only offer what I can give as a professional but this one has really got to me, because apparently she started the affair whilst he was in hospital during his heart bypass. Any words of wisdom or offers of support will be most gratefully received.

[lindapinda]

Don't think I can give you any advice nfn,I just wouldn't know where to begin. I presume he would find it helpful to maybe talk to someone who had personally gone through a similar ordeal.I can understand that you would be affected by this,cos there appears to be such betrayal going on here.,and the fact that he's so nice,must make it difficult for you to remain detached.No words of wisdom,but I sympathise with your predicament.

[kaktus]

I'm sure you've already have thought of this/is doing it already, but being willing to listen can give great comfort. In my experience people who are going through a hard time really needs that ear that will listen and listen and listen - again and again.

Sorry I can't be of more help. I really hope he will get through this in the best way possible.

[MangoPete]

Dear nfn
This is an awful situation , but it happens often
Has he spoken to a counsellor about this?
Has he discussed this with his wife?
Are you sure she hasn't had other affairs or even had this affair for longer?
He maybe a really nice chap, good steady reliable but just doesn't light her candle any more.
50% of marriages in this country break up after the children have left home. People find they have spent so long working and living apart that they are left in a house with a stranger. Maybe she was just doing the right thing before

Maybe he changed with his illness, maybe she was afraid of losing him , losing her support in life his best friend was there to consol her and the tragedy of his illness/operation drew them together.
There are so many questions before you can begin to counsel.
Are you able to talk to his wife, could she say mind your own business?
Is she just looking for sex or consolation after her husbands illness. WHat have they done about this since April
He needs to see a councillor with his wife if she is prepared to.
They need to get this out in the open and decide what they are going to do. They need professional help or at least he does to understand where he is and support him now his whole world has fallen apart.
Be careful not to let this drain your energy, you are a caring person , but in your position limited to what you can do. You can listen and be there for him but do refer him on to professional help.
Good luck
What is this guy

[nfn]

thanks folks, he's due to see me again in february but I often bump into him in our village, hopefully I'll be able to suggest counselling to him. They're both a bit 'old school' though and not quite sure how open to that suggestion they'll be. We have a counsellor attached to our surgery so hopefully they'll be able to get in to see her. Thanks again.