Men, can you help me understand men??...

[muses_queen]

Hi all, I was recently contacted by an old friend (male, I'm female) He was always very affectionate with me and I knew he probably would have liked a relationship with me, but he never persued it. We have always been in touch on and off for 10 years. He got in touch a few months ago and we started chatting etc... I think you know what I mean. Anyway he gave the vibes that he would like to start a relationship or at least meet up to see what happens. Then when I started to become interested he backed off. I didnt here from him for a month or 2. Then he contacted me again saying sorry. We have spoken on and off for a couple of months but not how it was, no jokes or fun stuff, just talking as though we were strangers!! I told him I didnt want to go further than friends if it ruined our friendship and look what happened. I text him and he didnt reply but then he will send me a photo out of the blue. I'm so confused as he was the one who approached me and started speaking about a relationship etc. I will leave him alone (again) but was wondering if anyone can tell me what this behaviour is all about. Im quite straight forward and open with my feelings so I dont understand when people shy away from things they started.....

Can anyone relate to this??

[Chessman]

As a point muses, once you take that step to go further than friends, you are no longer friends, it sounds like this is what he wants, but is too scared to take that step. In the end, its what you want, if you'd like to go further, give him a hint, he may be one of those men who need to be asked by the woman.

[Vics]

Hi Queeny. I believe that this man still appears to like the "Thrill of the chase". I would be friends with someone like this but definitely no more else you will get hurt. Perhaps a man on this site may have a different perspective for you. Vics X

[snapdarlich]

...well, sorry, but I wouldn't be surprised if he was drunk, lonely and regretted his actions the next day.

[saraswathan]

i put it straight...... he is unsure of his own standings regarding you...... so checking him from going beyond friendship is good for u...... cause the man who is doubtful of his own feelings couldnt understand of a womans....

[funnywebsite]

He might of been hurt in the past so scared to get close to someone again. Maybe it was a woman, maybe it was a parent that left him.

Just stay as friends and don't go down that path because you might get hurt again.

[DavidUK]

He sounds to me like someone who wants to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it! With no consideration for anyone else. I've had friends like this in the past who will contact you when it suits them but will ignore you if they've got something better to do. The fact that he can't be bothered to reply to your texts says it all (assuming you are sure he received them).

In my opinion, if someone is unreliable like this, then they will only bring trouble. It's just not worth it, even if you do enjoy their company when they deign to be with you.

[stanleyman]

I can relate to this. He has probably fancied and fantasised over you for years. When it did happen it was not what he had built it up to be (no offence but the grass is always greener etc.) and the fantasy had gone.

You naturally expected or hoped this to continue into a relationship and he feeling guilty now, allowed you to think that, but realised he couldn't do it. He has been trying to back out every since and can't do it because he knows you too well and probably just wants things as they were.

This is no reflection on you and is his loss. It was never to be so move on and find someone else and I think you will find he will be so relieved. You might stay friends but sometimes a clean break is better.

[metagirl]

I find it best not to overthink men, because you won't get anywhere to actually understanding them that way. I've had a few situations where male friends have criss crossed the boundaries of "platonic" friendship into something more - and back again.

Basically, I can tell you that he is probably not interested in pursuing a relationship - that doesn't mean he wouldn't be up for a friendly shag when both of you are available and single, but otherwise, no dice.

His fickle sounding behaviour is natural for someone who is not really interested in pursuing something deeper and long lasting - but who knows what words to say to you to get what he wants. Try not to be hurt by it - its not worth your worry!