To end or not to end!

[Headless Rat]

If you really like someone (and you've been seeing them for a year!) but you get the feeling that they aren't as into you as they used to be (even though you asked them and they said they still were and don't want things to end) should you still end it because you feel their actions, or lack of, speak louder than the words?

[andy-hughes]

If you are not sure - and by definition you are not sure, or we wouldn't be having this cyber conversation - the best thing to do is nothing.

This is a stressful time of year - Christmas, cold, lack of light, bills, etc. all make us feel sluggish and pretty ugh all round - it's not the time to be making life-changing decisions.

You have asked your partner if all is well, and been told that it is, so maybe you are reading into the non-verbal signals something that isn't there?

Keep an eye on your feelings. If you feel this way in spring, and the non-verbals and verbals are still giving you conflicting information, then it's time for a conversation, but by then you'll be better placed to see things clearly, and move on from there.

[WendyS]

Sometimes individuals go through uncertain periods with relationships but arn't always ready to acknowledge the need to end them because they're either not ready to confront the conflict involved or haven't yet thought through "what happens afterwards and where do I go from here?" Sometimes, they will simply continue as a habit because it's easier to have somebody around for company than an empty vacuum.

Relationships do change in nature as they mature and this can manifest itself in different ways. What is the body language like? Is your partner still affectionate to you physically or do you sense a certain distancing? Does the topic of conversation get moved swiftly to another subject if you veer it towards discussing your relationship. Is your partner less enthusiastic about the activities you do together and anxious to have more "personal space".

It may just be, as Andy has suggested, that it's been a distracting time of year. Give it a couple of months and if you're still getting "distancing vibes" perhaps it's time to suggest you have a break from each other. Your partner's reaction to that (relief or sadness) may give you some idea of her real feelings.

[woofgang]

excellent advice I am in a 30 year marriage. Sometimes all one of you wants is a bit of peace and quiet or some down time, especially at this time of year.

[maggie01]

Perhaps you need a break from each other. They do say absence makes the heart grow fonder. It does work sometimes and you realise that you miss the other person and try that little bit harder to show them.

[Vics]

Andy is right. you are reading too much into it. You must trust your partner H Rat and if they say all is fine - then all is fine. Some people don't /can't necessarily display lovely doveyness but that doesn't mean they don't love you.. Now if their lack of lack of actions is annoying YOU and you want to end it then that is a different matter!! Give it a bit of time H Rat. Good Luck

[GraceAnais]

maggie ...'absence makes the heart grow fonder' or 'out-of-sight-out-of-mind? i haven't quite made my mind up on that one.

[maggie01]

GraceAnais. That's the point. If it's out of sight out of mind then you don't really mean much to them.

If it's absence makes the heart grow fonder, then you are always in their thoughts.

[gucciman]

sometimes though you tell your partner things are fine when their not really because ypour hoping that the doubts your having about the relationship will go away. or your scared of ending it in case you hurt them or end up alone yourself

[Rubyrose]

My boyfriend told me he loved me everyday and always showed it too. Then on the 20th of December (2005) he broke up with me and said he wasn't in love with me anymore. (We was together 5yrs). Can you ever really know whats going on in someone else's head?