Bereavement Help Please !

NoseyNose | 17:55 Mon 20th Nov 2023 | Body & Soul

152 Answers

My Gay partner of nearly 50 years,died very suddenly last Thursday(16th November) from heart attack, while shopping with me in Sainsbury's.The Medics did their best,but to no avail.

I am completely lost.

We live in a remote part of the country,and he was the only driver.

There are so many things that I have to do,but we don't know anyone around here.

I have contacted the friends that I thought would help.

But none of them suggested visiting me,I just need some human contact,and help.

I am feeling very sucidal,I haven't eaten or drunk much since that horrible Thursday.

I called 999, was taken by ambulance on Friday to the Conquest Hospital.but they just left me on couch(for 4 hours),knowing full well that I was Diabetic(no food etc) also Bipolar,I discharged my self.

Luckily my partners brother had come down(and took me back home),but after two days(without any advice) he went back to his home in Yorkshire(we are in East Sussex)

ANY comfort or practical advice would help.

This is a real cry for help, I cannot go on like this.

I have realised that Bill will not come back, and as he organised evertything for 49 years,I don't think I can go on without him.

I am in a deep dark place,and can only think of one way out.

To Barsel

Hearing Aids -Battery Life - Nathos Nova

Answers

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Lie-in King

Best Answer

With no specific request from him & having read that Gordon's situation is known to the authorities; also after a long chat with an old & trusted friend, I now think that my offer could conceivably complicate matters.Therefore - for now, at least - sadly, I feel that withdrawing gracefully is the correct thing to do. I hope neither Gordon nor my fellow AB'ers...

16:51 Fri 24th Nov 2023

Go To Best Answer

Floko

I'll now stop posting here

NoseyNose

Question Author

This afternoon,I had a visit from the police.I assume someone at AB (Admin) called them maybe?

They seemed satisfied with my answers,and left.

But nobody else has been near me,so I am back to square one,where I am stuck in a (catch 22) rut.

Sorry guys,I know really you mean well,but........

Atheist

Gordon. I'm not qualified to lecture you. I just repeat; what would Billy want you to do? I suspect he might not recommend that you put an end to your own life.

It's your life and you can choose.

I wish you well.

Floko

Hello Gordon. It must have been AB who contacted the police. It was not me or my wife

Ellipsis

Gordon, you are not in a rut, and it's not Catch 22; people have made very generous offers and you have refused. If you take those offers then things will be different. You have a choice.

Tuvok

Hopefully you'll see that people - total strangers - are there for you.

Here's some suggestions - don't know if things work the same way in England as they do in Scotland:

Contact the council - I would ask for the social work department, it may not be the right department, but seems the logical one. You may be entitled to services eg. meals on wheels. They may give you contact details for voluntary services, so you may be able to get a volunteer driver to take you shopping etc. If they don't automatically suggest voluntary services, ask them for details.

Are you on a bus route? If so get the timetables for the bus(es). If you're not on a bus route, there may be an on-demand/bookable bus - again it might be run by the council.

Seek out any local charities that could offer services that you could make use of.

You might think that you don't want to get involved with any of the above. You might not need their help long term, but for now until you get into a new routine if they're there, then use them.

And remember there's always your new friends on AnswerBank. We may not be there in person, but we're only an internet connection away!

Lie-in King

Therefore - for now, at least - sadly, I feel that withdrawing gracefully is the correct thing to do. I hope neither Gordon nor my fellow AB'ers think I'm being frivolous - I've thought long & hard over this decision.

Gordon - I wish you all the very best & hope you can find the strength to regain your health, to carry on & I'll look out for further posts from you 🙂

loulou111

Contact your local church they may have some friendship groups. Try this to https://www.thesilverline.org.uk/

Countrylover

I think you've made the right decision Lik. You've been so very kind. I see that Gordon is still looking in, and that is very encouraging. I think that all on this thread will welcome him back when it's right for him.

Night night Gordon x

Countrylover

An early goodnight from me Gordon. I'm logging off early this evening to watch Strictly. Thinking of you x

seekeerz

Ok, I'm going to stick my neck out here - having seen that Nosey has checked in a few times I'm delighted to think he is still hanging in there and perhaps someone is with him, keeping him company and maybe helping with all the problems he is facing.

I know I'm not the only one to be encouraged/relieved if this is the case - I can't believe anyone should have to cope with this situation alone, I'd be there to help - trouble is I'm half a world away.

if I am correct and I sincerely hope I am, please keep it up, Gordon, and perhaps one day you might feel like coming back...we can only hope xx

ferlew

I hope you are right too Seekerz, very best wishes to Gordon if he peeps in :)

NoseyNose

Question Author

Sssh,(creeps in) I am slowly,slowly,getting somewhere.

I don't know exactly where it will be,but now I have two gay(couple) friends,who are real Angels(They do exist),who are doing so many small (and large) things for me.

Also my Landladies Daughter,who lives about 12 miles away is coming about twice a week to help me domestically.

So much love to everyone, you kept me going when there was nobody else.

Gordon.