Putting things in perspective

[Andy008]

I'm currently going thorugh what I consider to be a rough patch. My sister keeps telling me that I don't in fact know I am born. I would be interested to know about anyone's experience, current or otherwise, that would put my current plight into perspective.

Thanks.

[Drusilla]

I was divorced last year because I could no longer continue a sexual relationship with my husband and needed to explore my sapphic tendencies. Frankly, these new experiences have been a disaster. Additionally, I am to undergo tests for MS this month, which will include an MRI and a lumbar puncture, I believe. To top this off my ex husband who joined my daughters and me for Christmas dinner with his new girlfriend (I did invite her) wants us to get back together. Oh, and the kitten my girls got for Christmas has taken to slashing my ankles and tearing at my settee.
But I cling on to the childish hope that I'll wake up and it was all a dream. Some hope!!

[lil_jenny]

Well it's hard to answer because you haven't explained what you're problems are. All i know is that everyone has problems and it's your attitude who makes you the person you are. People can bring themselves out of any rough patch by focussing their attention on a positive future maybe by starting something new and productive. The ABSOLUTE best thing to do though (and has the best results) is pleasing others. Just see how they react. You only get what you give!

[lady_p_gold]

Perhaps you could share with us what your rough patch is all about. The fact is that one can always find someone else worse off but that does not always ease the pain that you might be feeling. There is terrible tradgedy and abuse and misery in the world but there is also joy and hope and humanity .... it all depends on how you view things. Hopefully you will be able to get over your rough patch and go on .... and I think it is the way we get through those bad times that then make us go on and continue through life. How many people are born, meet Mr or Miss Right, have 2.4 children, never have a medical or financial worry and all their kids grow up to be perfect .... it just doesn't happen ! So never mind your sister, never mind anyone else, evaluate your life and if necessary change it.

[lady_p_gold]

PS Drusilla that is sooo interesting !

[lady_p_gold]

-d

[Vics]

Andy - as lil Jenny says - it is rather hard to answer by the way you have asked the question. The worst thing in the world you can do is compare yourself to others - which is basically what you are asking to do I think. For we may think for 1 second oh my problem's therefore not as bad as I think because person X has had all their family wiped out plus a tripple by pass - but if you are not confident in yourself you will just lapse back into the doldrums whatever person X has suffered. So be yourself,, be strong, be confident and try too take positive steps to emerge from your rough patch. Good Luck Vics X

[Dreaming]

Hi Andy, We all go through rough patches, and have to deal with them in our own way. Maybe your sister doesnt understand how low you are feeling. I may now come across as a pessimist, but I read the papers daily, and read all the horrendous things that happen to others, and for me, that puts things into perspective. And those things stick in my head and make me realise how fortunate I am, even though I may be having a tough time. Maybe you could let us know what your problems are and we could try and help. Sometimes just talking about something helps.

[Drusilla]

I assume you're being sarcastic lady_p_gold, but the question does ask for anyone else's experience, so I gave an example of my present situation. I don't think I was whingeing, just stating the facts and I hope it helped Andy realise we all have problems, but our worlds don't stop.

[snook]

Andy, sorry mate but it�s true what your sister and the others are saying, you really don�t know you�re born � we all tend to take everything for granted, and only time and circumstances teach us to appreciate what we do have. And EVERYTHING we have is of value, if only we take the time to appreciate it � even the so-called �little things�. The more we do that, the better life gets. It�s like a deal with the Universe - I appreciate, give thanks, enjoy, participate, really live, and the Universe just keeps on supplying wonderful new opportunities for enjoyment, for fulfilled living, etc. The flip side is, I take it all for granted, and the Universe retracts, pulling back its hand of friendship, and life gets tougher, opportunities dry up, circumstances seem to conspire to make life difficult. Ask yourself, if you had a friend and you gave him one gift after another and he just shrugged and never showed any appreciation, how long before you decided to stop giving?

And Drusilla, about the MS, I�ve been there. I hope it goes well for you. I could hardly wish for anything better � after a diagnosis of MS several years ago, many of my symptoms have stabilised and life is relatively normal, and believe me, I�m very grateful for that. Being �hit� with MS was a major learning thing for me, and helped me to begin to really appreciate life. Once you�re faced with the very real possibility of losing out on so much that you take for granted, it�s hard not to become a believer in how wonderful life actually is.

Oh, and make the kitten a scratchboard! And if she�s still scratching at the settee, try taping bits of orange peel to it for a while, or spraying it with something that smells of citrus, they say cats hate that smell � it�ll train her to go elsewhere, hopefully the new scratchboard.

[Robinia]

When we have a problem, whether it's a small one or a huge one, the point is that it is a problem to us at that moment. We don't know what yours is & if we did no doubt some of us would think you were complaining unnecessarily & others would sympathise.

I've had some horrendous problems to deal with in my life but some days I get just as angry & upset about the trivial annoyances. I'm just human.

Whatever is troubling you why not set aside one hour in the day to worry about it, plan what you can do about it, or talk to someone about it - probably not nearest & dearest, they're not always the best listeners. At the end of the hour ask yourself what's the worst that can happen and you might see that it's not quite as bad as you thought. By allowing yourself to have a little time to feel unhappy without feeling guilty (or anyone else making you feel guilty) you'll get through it. You're only human too.
All the best.x

[sanlou26]

Hi Andy,

Sorry your going through a rough patch at the moment. I'm not sure comparing problems or situations is helpful, as eveyone feels and reacts differently.

The last ten days have turned my world upside down. I have just been diagnosed with a brain tumour and while the out look and prognosis is good, I still get times when I feel overwhelmed. Friends and family tell me constantly "things could be worse", and I know they could, but it doesn't stop me thinking and worrying about how serious and uncertain things are for me at this moment in time, in this situation.

People are different and react to things in different ways. I have found trying to focus on something positive has helped and I too try to put things into perspective, although I have sometimes found this hard. Not entirely sure this has answered your question. Good luck and take care.

[mydogsandme]

Hi Andy- hope things look better for you soon, you too Drusilla.

[PhilBy]

Perhaps watching the world news may put your preent circumstances into perspective?

Hope tomorrow bring you a better day.

[Lonnie]

Juat a suggestion, contact a Special Needs school, and ask if you could be shown around during classes, believe me, you'll come out of there a happier and more thoughtful person than when you went in, these kids, the ones that are able, will be all round you, asking to be cuddled, picked up, or shake your hand, its a tonic i'd reccomend to anyone. But that aside, hope things work out for you.

[joko]

ignore your sister. some people just can't accept it if you are feeling down when they think they have more to feel down about.

its like when you say to someone "oh no this has happened" and, instead of talking about it and trying to make you feel better, they say "well what about me hey...i had this and that etc" in an indignant tone, just because their plight may be a bit worse than yours. they feel the need to remove your right to react to a bad situation. levels of hardship are not the issue as there is always someone much worse off than yourself but that doesn't mean nothing can ever hurt you.

of course some people are just selfish and whinge about nothing and think its the end of the world if they can't have a new bag or something, and its very hard to feel any sympathy for them.

sometimes people just get blue and don't really have anything to put their finger on thats causing it - but in a way that makes it worse because you feel daft and you can't talk about it because when someone says "whats up" you can only say "nothing".

could it be SAD? seasonal affective disorder? or anaemia? or a mild depression? or has something actually happened?

[peeriesooky]

hello, i can out things into perspective for you. I am 25 yrs old and about to get the family member who abused me locked up. it is a really difficult time for me. No matter how bad things are for you there is always someone worse off. hope that helps

[snook]

Well said, Peeriesooky, and well done! You must be a strong person to pursue that course of action. It certainly does put things in perspective. I hope you�re successful and, whatever happens, don�t let the situation beat you. Some years ago a sibling confided in me about abuse that had taken place many years ago, and which was now causing a mental breakdown. I highlighted the abuser (also a family member) because that person still had access to children (nephews and nieces). Even though, as it turned out, there was a witness to at least one incident, my family responded by treating me like an outcast and a troublemaker. That was fine with me since it merely showed them up for what they really are, and they�re no great loss. I simply don�t regard them as family anymore. I did all I could to safeguard those kids, and I don�t reproach myself for anything I did.

Congratulations on getting up the courage to take control of the situation and not let the abuser get away with what they�ve done to you.

[kovac]

Your sister may (or may not) have a valid point - but when you are in the midst of feeling really low and unhappy - you'll usually find that hearing about others tragic experiences compounds your own feelings of desperation/anxiety or whatever it is you are experiencing.

If you feel you are in a hole you can't get out of - talk to someone. Your sister, is possibly trying her best to make you 'snap out of it' because she feels powerless and unable to solve your problems.

Seek counselling, talk to your GP - but do not submerge yourself in BBC News24 as it will only make you feel worse. Nor should you berate yourself for feeling this way. We all have problems, and we all feel lost from time to time. Hopefully, the moment will pass - but look after youself.

[Drisgirl]

I have been through a few years of constant hell - my brother says I should write a book and even then people would think it was fiction.

Anyway I got through it by people not mollycoddling me -which I have to say I did want at times-but I have came through it knowing I can almost like everyone else deal with the hard knocks.I believe its being cruel to be kind and thats what I suspect your sister is doing at the moment.

It works-sink or swim and I chose to put 2 fingers up and swim (well doggypaddle at times!)

You'll get there on your own - believe me.x