Lost And Lonely

[Thisoldbird]

A bit of a ramble ..18 months ago I lost the love of my life after 63 years happily married. 

I am totally lost without him and miss him 24/7. 

We led a happy busy life always out and about in our retirement, lunches, visiting friends, entertaining friends etc until his health gradually failed.

Even then we were busy with many medical type carers in and out daily. 

Once he passed my life became pretty stagnant. I no longer drive, my mobility very poor so only get out if I picked up or use a taxi. 

Most of our friends have either passed or like myself unable to get out much. 

I used to enjoy baking but no point just for me. 

I had a mobility scooter but gave it up when so many cars and vans park on footpaths. 

I have a pass to use a mobility scooter in town but haven't used it as I can't carry any shopping. 

Consequently I'm stuck at home seeing very few people. Family message or txt, the occasional phone call..I have no children, our only son passed away during covid. 

I go to bed late get up late and waste most of the day..seldom watch tv as my hearing is poor due to tinnitus. I have hearing aids. I'm so lonely and isolated. 

If yours till reading, any ideas to fill my time, Please. 

 

[Arksided]

Meditate

[237SJ]

I`m sorry that you are lonely.  Do you have any community centres in your area that provide activites for older people?  Some centres have voluntary drivers that will take you there as well

[jno]

switch on subtitles on your TV - I wouldn't be without them.

More broadly - have you any particular interests or hobbies you'd like to pursue, maybe ones you never had time for before?

I'm sorry for your loss, I've been in the same boat, though I'm lucky to have a son keeping an eye on me.

[pastafreak]

If you have a look on these 2 threads, you might find something suitable to keep you from loneliness. The OP has also recently lost his long term partner, and is going through a similar period of adjustment with isolation being a major problem. I feel for you, and hope the advice given to another ABer is helpful.

https://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Body-and-Soul/Question1859188.html

https://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Body-and-Soul/Question1859491.html

[Buenchico]

Contact your local WI.  I feel sure that they'd welcome you as a new member and could arrange for other members to provide you with transport to and from their meetings.  (Your baking skills might be welcomed by them too!):
https://www.thewi.org.uk/wis-a-z

Another AB member (Noseynose, who recently lost his gay partner after half a century together) has signed up for this telephone service.  Perhaps it might help you too?
https://www.ageuk.org.uk/services/befriending-services/sign-up-for-telephone-befriending/

Age UK also offer face-to-face befriending services in many areas.  Contact your local branch to ask for details:
https://www.ageuk.org.uk/services/in-your-area/

Check out your local village hall or community centre to see what activities they offer there.  For example, our local community centre has monthly 'Community Chinwags' for the over-60s, together with a weekly lunch club, with minibus transport available to some activities (and with volunteers happy to help out with transport too).

More suggestions here:
https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/feelings-and-symptoms/loneliness-in-older-people/

[ladybirder]

This doesn't help with your loneliness but I have bought a couple of jigsaw puzzles online from Amazon, as I can't get out due to my health problems, and have really enjoyed doing them.  Not massive ones, just 500 pieces to start.  The funny thing is, visitors to my flat all have asked can they have a go at it as they haven't done one for years. They do pass the time.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/s?k=500+piece+jigsaw+puzzles+for+adults&;crid=1C5Y1HVEYVEKH&sprefix=500+piece+jigaw+puzzles%2Caps%2C167&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-doa-p_1_23

Or, have you spoken to the Samaritans?  They are lovely, I have a friend who is a volunteer for them.

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/

Also, check if you have a "next-door" web site in your area where people local to you chat about events in your area and what's going on.  You could say Hello in there and see how you get on.

I hope at least one of the above will be of help to you.  If not look at your local Council's website there will be help on there if yours is the same as mine.

Good luck TOB, I hope you get some help. xx

 

[barry1010]

I am sad you are feeling this way, old bird.

I hope you take the advice already given, and I hope to think you get some distraction, company and comfort from AB.

[naomi24]

I'm so sorry, Thisoldbird, but good for you for trying to do something to improve your life. 

 

Just a few ideas.  

 

All sorts of on line games here ….

 

https://cardgames.io/

 

… and if you play chess, you can play against real people on-line (and share messages with them), or challenge the computer.  It caters for all levels from absolute beginner to expert.  If you don't play perhaps now's the time to learn.

 

https://www.chess.com/

 

I've also had a look at the University of the Third Age to see if they have zoom meetings for members who have difficulty in getting out.  It might be worth your while contacting them and asking.  If they don’t do that now they're always open to new ideas.  You could be a trend-setter!

 

https://www.u3a.org.uk/

 

I wish you well. x

[Redhelen72]

morning tob, could you get a little basket fitted to your scooter - say 1 at the back of the seat 1 at the handle bars - even if they are big enough to carry a pint of milk some eggs and butter.

It means you can go out every couple of days and see people.  Also contact you local churches and see if they do lunches for the lonely (terrible title I know) my MIL goes and now loves it.

Most importantly you need to tell your family how you feel - you say you have no children do you have grandchildren or nieces and nephews?  I bet they would be shocked to hear that you feel lonely

[rowanwitch]

No matter how old you are learning something new is worth a shot,  you could try painting, a needle craft, like patchwork, card making,   supplies are easy to source online, and there are loads of books and online videos to show you how.   I joined a few stitching groups when my OH died,  built up a life of things I loved doing.   I am losing my mobility gradually but  reckon if it means taking the the odd taxi to stay involved it will be worth it.  

And I have an animal companion..... Didn't want one but he turned up one day soon after Dave died, it's a flipping canary, noisy little b***** but he makes me smile, except when I am trying to concentrate.  An older rescue pet if you don't have one helps you get up in the morning, and is a bit of company....

 

[Thisoldbird]

Thank you to everyone that has taken time to reply. 

I'll  try and answer each one. 

 

I do use sub titles but most programs especially the news the subtitles are way behind the news reader. I then miss part of the next article. Frustrated I often just turn off. 

I do online jigsaws most nights in bed..well into the small hours. I enjoy them. 

My mobility is pretty poor so walking around I can't manage. I can't stand for long. From back problems over many years. 

I have a feeling the few clubs / meeting there was locally never got back off the ground again after covid. Even Age UK is  no longer in our town. 

Animals: I live in an over 55's estate where animals aren't allowed.

I do have a very old friend who belongs to a few local churches. One or another seem to have activities lunches coffee mornings etc. She has various people transport her. Seems very well known..never once has she said why not come along! 

I occasionally  visit my sister less than a mile away..under 2 miles round trip. It cost £14. I can't afford to do that often. 

Never mind, its how life is just now.  If only I hadn't given up driving 2 years ago I'd be free as a bird to get myself out and about. 

 

Thank you again. 

[andres]

I agree with you regarding the sub titles. Maybe a pair of headphones would help. 

[Buenchico]

If you'll tell us the name of the town that you live in, someone here might be able to find something to help you that you've overlooked up until now.

[NoseyNose]

Hello there Thisoldbird

Gordon here,I am the person that pastafreak is referring to.

I too lost my partner of 49 years very sudenly on Nov 16th 2023.he had a heart attck while we were shopping in Sainsburys.

I live in an isolated bungalow,down a country lane,with very few near neighbours.

I cannot tell you just how much love,support and encouragement the guys here at AB have given me,without them I might not be here to tell you this.I did not believe that there was a light at the end of the tunnel,in fact I could not see ANY tunnel! LOL

This site "The Silverline" helped me,and it is open 24/7 for someone to chat to, and support you.

There are wonderful people on AB,and many minds to give you suggestion,support and comforting love.

It helped me so much,I know that it can help you.

[NoseyNose]

Sorry,forgot to post the link:~

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/services/silverline/#:~:text=The%20Silver%20Line%20Helpline%2C%20run,that%20many%20older%20people%20experience.

[Tilly2]

A lovely post, John.

[Tilly2]

...Gordon!

[jaydj]

Im so sorry for your loss, I lost my mum a few months ago and my dad last year so I understand how being lost feels like.

I try to stay positive and think that our loved ones would not want us to be unhappy and sad and they want us to remember the good times

I have joined a club that we meet up every week and that has helped me to see new people and make new friends.

Reach out to people you know and also make new friends too, There are some good people in this world so take care x

[Thisoldbird]

Thank you for the link Gordon.

I'll look closer at it tomorrow. 

I came on this site a lot when my husband was so poorly on end of life care. Everyone was as you say lovely and helpful. 

In the past I've knitted, sewing cross stitch  embroidery..my arthritic hands are too painful for the repetitive movements  now. 

I ought to make myself settle to read the dozens of books I have on my kindle. 

My husband used to go to day care and loved it. He loved meeting people. It was £45 a session. That's a lot of money I couldn't commit to. My funds halved once I was alone. 

Anyway my friends I'll plod on and hope by spring I'll cheer up somewhat. 

I try not to be a bother to the few relatives I have. 

 

I'm off to my bed. Nite nite all. 

[NoseyNose]

This poem gave me comfort,hope and some consolation,when my partner died last November:~

Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
That, we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?

I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.

All is well.