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Hi guys,
I was hoping for some advice. I am 28, have a good job (if a little uninspiring at times!), earn a decent wage, have just got married, have a wonderful husband, roof above my head, plenty of friends etc etc. Except I always want more, I am constantly starting projects that turn into fads that I lose interest in after a few weeks. I am always looking at other people - and comparing myself to them "she's pretty, I like her hair - maybe I should get my hair done like that" - then I will get a bee in my bonnet about my hair and won't be satisfied until I do something. Same with clothes, I can be just watching tv and I will be constantly looking at people and if I see something I like that they are wearing I stop thinking about it - except I can't afford to constantly buy clothes / change my appearance! I am not unattractive, my husband compliments me all the time yet I can't feel happy about the way I look. I want to - that's the problem, I just don't know how! Any advice would be really appreciated x
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For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.Believe me, I do go out and buy new clothes (probably too many!) but this doesn't make any difference. I think the only way I will be able to stop feeling like this is to become happy with the way I look / dress - to become generally content with my life because I know I should be.
I just don't know how to go about this and it's really frustrating because everything I want (and feel I need) is so materialistic and in actual fact I don't need any of it, I know none of it is going to improve my life - I know this yet don't know how to go about changing my outlook / feelings!
Argggh - I have changed my username and now I have had to re-register so please note that this is now 1977Nicky formerly known as nickymanley - I now have to subscribe to my own question!
Thanks for all the advice. I agree with yuo Wendy, I think I do have a low self-esteen. I would try the self-help route but there are so many books out there I wouldn't know where to start - any recommendations? Self-help books has been one of my "fads" before - I saw a picture of Geri Halliwell reading "A Road Less Travelled" a few years back so went out and bought that - I still haven't read it!
You also suggested hobbies - trouble is I have hobbies coming out of my ears at the moment, that is part of the problem I think, I start things, throw all my ebergy at them and then either get bored of them or frustrated that I haven't got enough time to do them! At the moment I would list my hobbies as the gym, cooking, reading (I have an overwhelming pile of books to get through), aromatherapy, designing, photography, finding a new computer - it'll probably change next week! Have just read your response lady_p_gold. My job is in designing! Just a more rigid and functional design than I would like - I have just been given a subscription to Computer Arts and have my latest copy in front of me to inspire me!
As for what people think of me - yes I do worry and am probably too concerned about what they think. Trouble is I recognise all of this - yet can't seem to see a way to change or even a way to begin.
Spend a little quiet time each day, just being still and letting your mind rest. When you feel deeply relaxed, think of all you have in your life that you can, and should, be grateful for. Actually, it's worth writing them down, listing them and seeing them there, right in front of you (as if for the first time).
Now, visualise yourself being content and happy with what you have, and feeling gratitude for it all, and also enjoying the process of reaching for something more, without feeling any strain or anxiety about it. If you take these few moments to settle your mind and organise your thoughts and desires, I think you'll find that these urges to endlessly compare yourself to others and to feel envy or jealousy or just anxiety will tend to fade away.
Truth is, we all take way too much for granted, and that causes no end of problems. Once you start to really appreciate what you actually have you invariably feel a whole lot better. I'm not suggesting this is the answer to all your problems, but it will help, if you give it a try, and stick with it - it only takes five minutes or so each day.