revenge?

[bohochick]

a girl has wronged me won't go into details but i can't stop thinking about revenge. most days i'm fine then other days it hits me and i get really angry that she has done this to me and want to make her feel as bad as i felt. (we're not talking anything physical here) will i be able to get over this and get on with my otherwise happy life or am i just kidding myself? any thoughts or previous experiances would be appreciated.

[Gevs1966]

without knowing the details, its quite hard to answer as we can't relate our answer to anything really

[bohochick]

lets just say it involved my husband

[jno]

the anger will wear off, and you should try to let it do so. Peope who let themselves be consumed by dreams of revenge usually wind up bitter and twisted. (They're often the ones who devote their lives to lawsuits, for instance.) For your own sake, try to put it behind you. If the opportunity arises for you to get your own back, by all means grab it, but don't devote your life to looking for it. You have a happy life already - concentrate on that.

[andyjevs]

I'm personally all for revenge so plan it carefully and go and do what you have to....then tell us if it worked.

On the other hand, there's a phrase i use a lot......"sit on the river bank for long enough and you will soon see the bodies of your enemies float by"

Good luck

[Robinia]

Please don't distress yourself by churning over in your mind these thoughts of revenge. In my experience, and I'm very old haha, what goes around comes around. Try hard to rise above whatever this person has done and carry on with your life as happily as you can because that's what she will be doing. Do you honestly think she is agonising over how she's hurt you?

Would revenge really take away the hurt or change what she did? By walking away you'll maintain your dignity and in time you'll see you did the right thing.

All the best bohochick.

[stanleyman]

I would say this is fairly normal, you either let her know how bad you feel and hope she has a conscience or she doesn't see how you feel and you forget her as if she didn't matter and did you a favour. We all at times find we would like to get revenge if there is no legal way but why give them that status of being able to get to you, in reality they are not worth the bother and the sooner you can let it pass the better. You will get over it.

[stanleyman]

I rather liked your phrase andyjevs, the last time I had someone causing me problems involved trespassers and claims on our private river bank and moorings. Seeing their bodies float past would have been nice, I did think about it but a bit too obvious for the police to figure out!

[Drusilla]

Thinking and planning revenge could eventually eat into your life as much as your thoughts and make you miserable. I know its not easy to just 'let it lie', but it would be awful if her actions consumed your waking days and made you a less attractive individual to those around you who love and care about you.

[FTVS]

Revenge is a dish best eaten cold. If you still feel teh same in 6 months hence then review. Don't act out of anger now. In my experience, everything I have done based on angry feelings was a thing I regretted soon after. However if after six months you still feel this way, you migt consider my favourite petty revenge: sign her up to every junk mail subscription/catalogue/petition/e-mail alert/sex toys catalogue you can possibly find.

[natalie_1982]

I'd agree with FTVS, I have always regretted my actions when I done something in the heat of the moment when I am angry. Easier said than done I know, but let it rest for a while, concentrate on being happy yourself and review how you feel about her in a few months.

Also if what she did with your husband is what I am assuming, then it takes two to tango and she may be an easy target. Think things through, I mean did she know he was married for example? Good luck X

[4getmenot]

Leave it, whenever I have got revenge I've always hated myself afterwards for lowering myself to the same pettyness as them. It solves nothing and it only makes them smile if they see they have annoyed you. And I love andyjevs reply. Ive never heard that one, but oh so very true. :-) But if it involved your husband in the way I'm thinking always remember it takes 2 to Tango.

[4getmenot]

Wow me and Natalie_1982 are on the same wave :-)

[Litchick]

I agree -- try to put it behind you (I'm FULLY recognising how awful it feels to be wronged) and trust that fate or the gods or whatever it is you believe in will take care of the situation for you.

Good luck.

[bohochick]

thank you for your replies. i agree that it does take 2 to tango but i feel that he has been punished and she has got away scot free! she did know he was married and had a new baby which made it worse for me. i agree that i have to put it behind me but when will i stop thinking these vengeful thoughts! (sound like a mad woman i promise i'm not ha ha)

[joko]

only bother if you have a foolproof way to really stitch her up- if you just irritate she'll laugh at you& tell everyone, making you look petty-it would have to be something that'll really hurt & embarrass

don't bother with junk mail-who cares?-you just bin it & laugh at the saddo who spent hours signing you up & spent money on stamps to send off forms-it only works if you can be sure it costs them loads of money, which mostly it won't-texts and emails mostly have to be confirmed before charges& can be easily cancelled or blocked,junk mail catalogues etc goes in bin(sorry FTVS) at best its a minor irritation

However,i lived in a house &guy there started getting porn catalogues sent to me,so i opened them in front of him &everyone else,laughed at the contents & the cretin who thought this would offend me-"what an idiot" Then a few very weird looking sex toys arrived(cost to him,not me! Durr!)& i laughed& thanked 'whoever' sent them,"saved me a fortune" "have some fun with these" "what a fool this 'stranger' is" His face!! When i moved,he'd open the catalogues,turn them inside out in the clear plastic sleeve& forward them to me so everyone could inside.In the pub i laughed, told him me and my postie had a good laugh & said, in front of the whole pub that if he wants to look at them he should just keep them instead of forwarding them,as everyone knows i didn't order them,some sad loser did& how desperate he is to open someone elses mail just for a glimpse of some porn-he looked a complete fool.I also said i'd returned it to him as he obviously wanted it,but i couldn't remember his address anymore so I'd returned it to his mums address nextdoor(I didn't)He looked horrified.So it backfired on him bigtime

if you haven't got anything good-don't bother- but if the opportunity arises...

[saffyj]

these feelings are natural, we are only human after all.what matters is that you recognise you are angry and want to talk about it, and get some support.I wont tell you how to stop feeling angry, been there etc.

its only time ( and a gorgeous distraction) in-between that will dull the anger.we all have to go through stuff like that, at least you can get other people's experiences on here.you will get through it, chin up :-)

[jno]

to be honest... I would suggest she isn't the one who's wronged you. She didn't owe you anything, after all. Are you directing anger at her that should be aimed at someone else? I'm not saying you should shoot him, just that - again, for your own peace of mind - you should be clear in yourself about exactly what your feelings are. (Not saying this is easy.) It won't help your baby, or you, if you're spending a lot of time dreaming about throttling someone, however justified that may be.

[tigilou]

If it was me from what you have said i would want to do exactly the same what a dirty low you know what..... like everyone has said revenge probably is not the best choice give it a nice happy smile if you see her that will kick her in the head more than anything, you don't have to lower yourself by doing anything else you can pretend youve bashed her in crutch hold your head up high and give her a nice big happy smile after all yove got to feel sorry for the tramp what a sad life she must lead shes not a patch on you. I feel angry now for you. Good luck and best wishes

[Ethmer]

We all, at times, make mistakes. Whether she wronged you intentionally or accidentally you should allow yourself the maturity of forgiving and attempt to forget the incident.

To hold a grudge about the incident will only lend to you continuing to build more negative energy about your life which can rear an ugly head in many future ways.

Replace the negative thoughts about the situation with positive thoughts about the girl and/or your husband.

Best wishes!

[bohochick]

thank you again for your replies. Ethmer i don't know if you read all the posts but believe me there won't be any good thought heading her way from me!!! it has really helped me to hear other peoples unbiased opinions my thoughts of revenge are fading