Crosswords13 mins ago
What to do with my Aunt?
I have a problem with my Aunt. She is 50 years old and is in a desperate situation which she seems unwilling to get herself out of, and my dad, her brother, is too chicken to say anything to her. She seems to think that she can make a living out of all of the junk and c*ap she has bought from boot sales, stuff like cruet sets and other pottery and ornaments that you or I would give to the church jumble sale or Oxfam, its all totally worthless but she can't see it. My gran died in 2002, my aunt was my grans official carer, and she always said she would be able to find work again after gran went, 4 years later, she still has no job, and has no interest in getting one. She won't even keep her house clean and tidy. Please advise me on what to do, if I wait for my dad to do anything, I'm in for a bloody long wait!!
Answers
No best answer has yet been selected by madein1978. Once a best answer has been selected, it will be shown here.
For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.I wouldn't worry too much about the boot sale stuff - hopefully it's not taking every penny she has & is something harmless she's chosen to focus on.
Could you have a light hearted chat with her, maybe even tell her gently that you're worried she's not her old self? How about suggesting you go for a nice lunch or shopping trip to cheer her up. Maybe she'll open up & you can take it from there. She might need a little help from a GP but she needs to choose to do that. If you suggest it she just might withdraw or get angry.
Gently does it - good luck.
If your Aunt was once your Nan's official carer, it could be that she is so lost without her & just can't see the wood for the trees. She may very well be suffering from depression, or just likes living with what you may look upon as old toot, but she doesn't.
You may not like my Victorian memorabillia, angels, fairies, pixies, cherubs & owls, etc., but it's what I like - the same applies to your Aunt's personal things.
Treat her to a nice bunch of flowers & share a cup of tea with her - I'm sure she'd really appreciate that.
At this stage, your Aunt's car boot collection should be the least of your concern for her - that can always be sorted out at a later date, if that's what she wants.
I still think, initially taking her flowers, sharing a pot of tea with her & then gradually leading up to asking whether there's anything you can do for her, is your best bet.
I've done this with certain people in the past & have found that talking is the best remedy. It usually leads to them opening up & pouring their hearts out - that alone can play a very big part in getting back on the road to recovery.
Good luck.
P.S. One of my sister's is currently having treatment for bladder cancer & although having cut down, she still smokes. She has tried everything from patches to hypnosis, but all to no avail.
I being a non smoker, her consultant & others, have all tried to tell her how much further damage she could be doing, but she already knows that. Like your Aunt - it has to come from her.
why not help her onto the internet so she could sell some of her stuff on ebay?
If something is in millers guide it is not rubbish! if she is sellling stuff cheap then she is not getting the full worth.
suggest if she really wants to see what is worth a lot, take photos of all her stuff (and a shot of the base of ornaments for any markings etc) and send them to christies or southeby's for valuation. they will know if any of it is worth anything, then she can safely do a boot sale and get rid of the rest cheaply.
don't try to organise her life for her, she is a grown up and can do what she likes, whether you or your dad approve or not. if you try to force the issue she may just retreat and start avoiding you.
does she make any money at all for this stuff or is selling things ridiculously cheap?
people buy this kind of stuff so i wouldn't be so quick to say its rubbish - if something is unsaleable even charity shops will bin it.
perhaps this is just a hobby, something to fill the void your nan has left - let her have a hobby, but suggest she opens some kind of account to put savings in - a certain amount each week, by direct debit, that she cannot touch except for bills, food etc.
could she even open a little shop? or astall in a market?