Married Men

[Gerbil Girl]

I've recently been engaging in some txt flirting with a guy I met on a recent night out. I have since found out that he his married. What do I do, he now wants to meet up again, and whilst sooooooo tempted, not sure it's the right thing to do.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated?

[noxlumos]

Well most people don't have open relationships, so chances are amazingly high that his wife will have no idea that's he's seeing you and will quite possibly be devastated if she finds out.His marriage is already in deep water as he's considering meeting you and may well come to an end of it's own accord, however you have to ask yourself if you want to be embroiled in that should you be discovered.If you think he may be "the one" which I doubt after just a bit of text flirting, then carry on, but you might get badly burned with this so give it some careful thought.

[Goodsoulette]

back in the days when I had no morals I had a couple of flings with married men. Do I feelguilty about them? NO! They treated me like I was an absolute princess. I even embarked on a year long affair after months of flirting with a guy and becoming his stag shag. I do however hate how my dad cheated on my mum and 10 yrs on now that he is marrying his other woman I still get jarred off about it.I however am well aware that when it comes to sex, love etc I am not the best adjusted person. If you want to be a part of potentially causing a woman emotional pain, who we will presume hasnt done much wrong (despite i am sure her husband will tell you different, lest we forget all cheating men are liars), then of course meet the guy.

[burnhal]

What we musn't forget is that for every cheating man there is a cheating woman- it takes two to tango. I dont suppose I am that qualified to reply having being happily married for 26 years (there are probably more of us than you realise!) but as far as I can see it will end with at least one and probably three people ripped to pieces.

[Goodsoulette]

not to mention bitter bitter kids.

[woofgang]

only one answer, don't go there...I think that you know this otherwise you wouldn't be asking our opinions!!

[Tillymint]

Does this man have children? I have been in a similar situation myself quite recently!x

[4getmenot]

How would you like it if you were in his wifes shoes. But I know how difficult it could be for you. Forbidden fruit and all that.

[Miss Zippy]

If you have no self esteem and no self respect and so think you don�t deserve to have a man devoted only to you, then go for it.

[Tillymint]

you cant help who you fall for tho!! It really depends on his circumstances!

[laurence2]

you meeting him only brings you down to his level {gutter], sorry to be so rude but i bet your not the first one he has txt flirted, as some of the post have picked up, are you bothered about his wife/kids, obviously not.

i think you would like to fulfill what goodsoulette posted, how anyone can get sucked into something like this beggars belief, just take a step back take a long look in the mirror and ask yourself if this is right, if your happy to go ahead so be it, but read these post if nothing else and you can see what most think.

be very very careful

[Miss Zippy]

Tillymint - I accept that you can't help who you fall for, but Gerbil Girl hasn't fallen for this guy (yet) and she knows his situation. If a married person deliberately misleads someone into having a relationship with them by denying they are married/in a relationship (though I think there must always be 'signs' that someone is married) then that's another matter. I feel sorry for you women who can't get your own man!

[Drusilla1S]

Affairs and the bohemian lifestyle always seem glamorous until you look at the devastation and sense of betrayal they leave behind.
I suppose it all depends on your sense of morality, but ask yourself how you would feel in his wife's position and would you care to be betrayed by someone you thought loved you deeply.

[Lindylou]

One of my friends had a boyfriend for about 8 years who was married with two young children. Both under 8! Now the wife of the boyfriend has been discovered having an affair of her own and the boyfriend is distraught! He's filed for divorce and has moved in with my friend. And he's causing havoc. Very, very possessive. Of course, maybe he thinks he can't trust her. After all, she had a married man as a boyfriend for 8 years.........

Do not meet this man. You are worth more than that.

[Englishbird]

Run, run for your life!!

seriously tho - it'll end in tears, most probably yours and his wife's. Undoubtedly not his.

If he's not happy with his wife, then he should have the balls to leave her. If he's a coward then I'd have nothing more to do with him. Weak men cheat, not strong ones. If you carry it on, you'll start liking him more and he'll hurt you. It's very straight forward.

Go and meet someone else who can offer you what you deserve, not a low life rat who can't, even if he wanted to. good luck.

[sammd]

I agree with Englishbird - leg it before it's too late! He's never going to leave his wife for you so what's the point. Go and find someone who'll treat you right and will only be with you, not using you and sleeping with his wife at the same time, yuk. Also, sympathise with the wife, how would you like it if your husband was doing that to you...

[Gerbil Girl]

Thanks everyone for the advice, makes for some interesting, if not slightly offensive (!) in some cases. I do know that morally this is the wrong thing to do but having been traumatised in the last year by the most horrible way, my self-esteem is at an all-time low and thus reacting to the attention that this very good-looking and charming man is showing me. Although, not being totally naive, I do not believe I am the first or will be the last but in a totally selfish way, I'm looking for a fling and a bit of excitement. But like many of you say, it can only end in tears so I'm really torn about what to do. Being 30 and single can be quite depressing!

As an aside, why are there no single 30yr old men around anymore, where did they all go!

[Miss Zippy]

Sorry if my answer came across as a bit offensive but I have seen so many women (a close friend in one case) get involved with married men and it all ends in tears. I was right though that you are experiencing low self esteem at the moment and that is why you are entertaining this affair. I bet you wouldn't otherwise. Why the hang up at being 30 and single? It should be the best time of your life!

[Englishbird]

I'm 30 and single and I know exactly what you mean. My self esteem took a hammering in my last relationship, which ended two years ago, and left me in therapy for a year. I battled my way through an eating disorder and all of my 'not good enough' demons. But, I've come out the other side, and I am damned if I'm going to let any man make me feel like sh*t again.

I know it's lovely to be flirted with and to be made to feel attractive, but if they can give that to you, then they can take it away. You have to find a way of liking yourself and knowing that you are attractive in yourself, that way no-one can take it away from you.

This man is not the answer for you, by all means flirt with him, as long as you're strong enough to walk away, in fact, I would relish saying no. If you're struggling with self esteem already, he's only going to pour salt in the wound at some stage.

Try looking at a couple of Dating websites, if nothing else they show you that there are absolutely loads of single men around your age in your area, honestly, you'll be amazed. I can't say that one of them will be the right one, but I can say that this married man won't.

Good luck honey, and remember to be careful what you wish for. I'm going out to watch the Rugby this Saturday, I'm going to drink too much, I'm going to flirt with whomever I want to and I'm going to come home when I want to, because I don't have a boyfriend, husband or children that I have to compromise for yet. Hopefully I will one day, but for now, I'm going to enjoy myself :o)

[theren_911]

I was recently cheated on. It's not nice, obviously. We're still togehter trying to patch up our relationship, but there is a major trust issue now, not to mention self esteem and confidence taking a servere beating.
The guy may have reasons for cheating, but it doesn't make it right. Personally, i'd assume he's bored and this isn't the 1st time, watch your back and remember that theres someone you don't even know who's probably going to be really hurt, if you choose to meet up with him.