relationships

[dmaxxx]

ive finished with my x 3 weeks now,im casually seeing som1 else,a really stunning looker,but i keep thinking of my x ,hoping we can get back,living on hope,its terrible.my x was cheating and decieving me allways,,she allways cheated on previous,she had drink problem too,,so why the hell do i still love her so much and only want her..this girl now is comin on too strong an i dont like that but shes a smasher....how do i move on from thinking about the bi*tch in the past who hurt me so much..she says she doesnt want me anymore!! is it true when a woman pulls the shutters down and says its over,is it truly over,or does she want a chase?

[4getmenot]

I'm sorry to say it sounds to me it truely is over. If I'm wrong then she sounds like even more of a bitch for cheating and then stringing you along for a bit. Cut everything out of your life to do with the ex and have the happy life you deserve now. I really think from your views on this new girl you're not ready, and remember if you aint happy with yourself then you wont be happy with anyone. Look out for yourself for a while. Good luck x

[teag1rl]

Totally agree with 4getmenot, and try not to hurt the new girl, cool it off with her and take some time for you-you don't want to be a git to her do you because that would make you as bad as your ex.

[INEEDANSWERS]

Its understandable for you to still have feelings for your x but for your sake and hers you need to stop questioning the 'what ifs', by this I mean you should stop wondering what she wants and focus on re claiming you independance from your past.

It may seem impossible now but you need to accept your past relationship before you will ever be able to be with anyone else properly.The fact that you are still refer to your ex as a 'bitch' shows the feelings you still clearly have for her.For whatever reasons she has 'pulled the shutters down' and this may also be a good way for you to distance youself from this memory.

The new 'stunner' in your life may be commin on too strong for many reasons, but if your not comfortable with this don't be affriad to let her know, women respect honesty!

You probably don't want to hear this but healing can take time and it is always difficult as im sure you know to bounce back from a particularly difficult break up, and there are no simple answers, but jumping into a relationship of any kind now may make you happy for now but in the long run may make you more confussed.

Hope you find the closesure your looking for!

[jedimistress]

I think you should tell the new girl you have just come out of a relationship and although you thought you were, and you think she is lovely...you are not actually ready for a new one....yet.

Yet does not mean forever. You need to heal from the last one first for there to be any fairness given to the new girl. Else she will be living in a shadow which cannot be much fun for her.

To cool it now, is not forever but at least you are being honest and I think if she has experienced a break up of someone she cared about deeply, then she will understand your reasons. She may still be hurt but it is a very understandable reason.

It helps your ego to find someone quickly, but it could be for all the wrong reasons. It will often just end up leaving your new partner feeling worse for wear.

It sounds like it's over between you and your ex. However hard that sounds, I believe you would be better off alone or with someone else, than with someone who treats you poorly. I know it's hard. My ex was an abusive alcoholic and I cry over him every day. I still love him DESPITE him being very nasty, cruel and abusive towards me. It's not so easy to let go of someone who treated you poorly because you always have less self esteem afterwards.

Don't look back, look forward, but take to get over it. Unfortunately it does not happen overnight. But one day you just stop hurting....apparently.

[GraceAnais]

over means over.

I splt with my ex 2 years ago and when i said it was over i meant it. we'd been on breaks before where i'd hoped things would sort themelseves out, but i got to the point when i realsied it wasn't going anywhere and i was wasting time on him when i could have been with someone better.

after we split i spent 6 months getting my head straight. i didn't want to be with him; but i didn't want to be with anyone else either. i stayed away from the dating scene and went to the cinema; for dinner; local pubs with close friends.

get out of this new relationship. you're on the rebound. sort your head out on your own and get over our ex. time is a great healer.

being alone isn't as scary as it seems right now, believe me.

[dancealot13]

Dmaxxx- Love sucks some times. In the begining of your story I thought you were going to say that she cheated on you only when she drank to much. Alcohol can make you do things that you would never imagine, nor want to do when you are sober. How long were you together? How many times did she cheat and to what extent? If she says she doesn't want to be with you then don't chase her because she probably isn't worth it, but if you think she just said that in response to something hurtful you may have said, then wait around for a sec. Do you think she's hearbroken for what she did? Has she told you that she wants to change?

I think people can make bad decisions and change..especially if alcohol is involved. But is you don't see any remorse from her, then get rid of her and move on.

As far as this looker. Just have fun, you don't have to be in a relationship with this women, you could just hang out and be in fun company! Take it one day at a time.

xxcheers

[dancealot13]

After reading everyones comments, I would have to say I agree with most of them. I guess I just have sympathy for people who have made mistakes that they feel so much remorse for under the influence of alcohol. I guess because I've done it. I think sometimes it's ok to forgive and trust again. People can change.