ABers i need your opinion

[Weaza_cfc]

Quick question: 16 year old female wanting to know if ABers think that a 20 year old male is too old for me? I don't think so, friends do, parents would do if i had the balls to tell em, oh and just about everyone else in world thinks so... but what about you lot?!

[irisred]

Age is relative. It depends on the people in question. The fact you're asking implies you're not convinced about it yourself and the fact you can't tell you're parents also points to the fact that you're not ready for this relationship.

When I was 17 I went out with a 22 year old, my parents didn't mind at all, and in fact were happier because they felt he'd be more mature about the relationship than a boy my own age. But that was me.

I think a 20 year old is too old for you at this time.

[angel-cake]

It's hard to say without knowing you or him.

Depends how 'mature' you both are and what you both want from the relationship.

If you were 20 and he was 24 no one would say a thing.

The question is more as to whether you think he is an honest, trustworthy and caring person. If he is, your parents would probably rather you were with him than a 17-year old who lies, cheats and messes you about.

[Zorr0]

No....when you are 20 he'll be 24 and that will be nothing

[rugeleyboy]

i fell for a girl who was 16 when i met her, i was 19, 3 months later i was 20 she was still 16!!

we went out happily for a few years,with her parents consent! i am now 35 and although no longer together, we are very good friends still, i am also still close to her family!!

boring story,but i hope it helps?

[B00]

My daughter when she was 16 was dating a 22 year old and I was not chuffed at all about it!

I think I was worried that he'd want far more out of the relationship, that mentally she was not capable of giving.

[dot.hawkes]

My daughter got engaged and moved in with a 19 year old when she was 16. it lasted 3 years and he was really immature and she tried to keep a house going and work full time whilst he played at home on his playstation. A girl at 16 is far more mature than a 20 year old lad any day of the week.

[rugeleyboy]

i agree with that dot!!

[Zorr0]

Dot...are you saying Bob is very immature ?

[treacle84]

My friend atarted seeing a 29 yr old when she was 16 and we all kinda gave her a bit of grief but 5 years on and now she's 21 and they are just buying a house together so I guess it can work.

[noxlumos]

No that's not too old in my humble opinion assuming of course that you are of equal emotional maturity. numbers mean very little, it's how clued up you both are. It wouldn't worry me who my children went out with as long as they were happy, so I suggest you stop asking other people's opinions and have a good inner think and see if YOU think you are compatible. If so then go for it, if not then just stay friends for the now, either way everything will be fine as long as you treat the realtionship carefully ad slowly. Good luck:)

[alijangra]

When I met my first boyfriend I was 15 and he was 22. We spent 3 very happy years together. Of course my parents were not happy at first but once they got to know him it was fine.

[gessoo]

I never liked boys that were my own age and never had a boyfriend younger than 19 (when I was 15). At 16 most of my male friends were between 20-25. All my girlfriends had older boyfriends too. I really didn't have anything in common with boys nearer my own age who seemed terribly silly and juvenile to me then. I can't remember anybody commenting on it, and my parents always welcomed my boyfriends. It seemed quite acceptable back in those dim, dark ages. Have things now changed?

However, at 25 I married someone of my own age. That was a long time ago, I'm almost 59 now!!

[malaise]

Peronally I believe that a normal 20 year old boy will expect much more than any 16 year old can cope with. I say this from (repeated) personal (heartbreaking!) experience, and wish I'd never ever gone there.

[aka estie]

What is the law where you are? Over here, it would be illegal.

[alijangra]

The only thing that is illegal is sex with a minor (under 16).

[aka estie]

Well then all I can tell you is that I think you should wait. Date boys closer to your own age for another year or two, and then if this guy is really the one for you, you can date him then. I know it is hard to believe now, but your parents are often right, and if you think they'll have a problem with him, there is probably a good reason for it. My parents were almost always right about my boyfriends - of course, I didn't know it till years later! Good luck!

[saintjohnny]

It may sound narrow minded, but I would be seriously suspicious about a 20 year old guy who wants a relationship with a 16 year old. It's your life, and you are just about old enough to take responsibility for your actions, but I would advise you to keep your wits about you and not be rushed into anything. I'm a 28 year old guy btw. best of luck.

[~Wingnut~]

I think so long as you keep your wits about you, don't get pushed in to doing anything that your not ready to, then you should follow your heart and do what you feel is right for you. There are some mature 20 yr olds out there but there are also some immature ones and so long as you realise this and don't get taken in then go for it :o)

I was 18 when I met my husband, who was 34 then, there are 16 yrs between us and we have been married for 7yrs this year. I don't know what it is but when we first met we clicked, even after all these years (nearly 10) we are inseperable :o)

[gessoo]

Surely not all 20 year old guys are out for what they can get. Perhaps I am mixing in a different circle but the 20 year old guys I know through my son are the nicest bunch of lads ever and I have known them long enough and closely enough to say I would honestly be very happy to see any mature 16 year old go out with them. None of them would choose to go out with a 16 year old who wasn't mature, sensible and would be an equal partner.

A lot of 16 year olds are very mature and can handle themselves quite well. This thread is making me feel that we were a far more mature bunch of people in the 60s!

[gessoo]

By the way, I consider that I was (and still am) a very caring parent and probably overanxious on lots of issues.

I agree 100% with noxlumos on this.

Weaza, see how it goes, use your head (I am sure you will) and I hope the relationship goes well. It's a shame you feel you can't tell your parents. It would be better if they could meet your new boyfriend and see for themselves what he is like. Mental age is not a matter of years - don't forget not all boys of your own age are little angels and many of that age have not a clue what respect for a girl is all about.