sex drive

[Minnaloushe]

OK this is embarrasing - but here goes...

My partner's sex drive has gone...7 years ago!!! There is not sex...at all!!!

He refuses to get help saying it is a problem he has to sort out on his own. But he hasn't. He keeps making empty promises to see the doctor but never actually goes.

It is driving me to distraction!!!!!!! I must be the most patient woman in history.

He's only 39 so old age is not the problem. We don't have kids so they are not the problem either. He does not have a stressful job and are very much in love with one another.

Talking about it has not helped.

Is anyone else suffering this?

Is there anything I can slip in his food?




Please someone help :(

[KateMerrills]

Go to Anne Summers, get some really sexy under wear or an outfit (depends on you!) get some massage oil (pref. lickable) go home to an empty house, have a nice relaxing bath with candles while listening to music, blow dry hair, apply make up, spray perfume (not too much) dim lights, light candles, choose sexy music, get into a clean fresh bed, phone him and tell him to come home now......

[lady_p_gold]

Well I think there is more to this than meets the eye .... I think he probably already is sorting it out on his own and that might be the problem ... unless there is something medically wrong with him then I think I would be wondering if he is not telling you something, if not then he should seek medical advice

[tomestone]

Tell him you want to do it somewhere you might get caught like,in a car,or in a shop changing room,or wheelie bin,on a bus,in a pub,in the shed,tesco,if that fails try a porn video,if that fails let me know and i will send you some viagra for him.all these work for me.

[KateMerrills]

In or on a wheelie bin? I'm confused/intrigued!!!! lol

[Dan Glebitts]

Me too Kate, wanna try?

[Minnaloushe]

Forgot to mention..there is no way he is having an affair. Oh and he does not seem to 'sort himself out' either.

The sex drive has left the building completely so the big seduction routine is pointless.

Viagra only boosts performance (so I hear!) I didn't think it actually brought back a lost libido.

Seriously is there anyone out there who has actually experienced this?

[Big A.T]

Probably more common than you think. A lot of people do not talk about it due to embarassment etc but there are probably loads of people in the same boat. People have varying degrees of sex drive ranging from all the time to none at all. It is a problem if both partners have varying degrees.

Is he under stress or has a problem that you do not know about. Maybe he has just has a naturally low sex drive.

Good luck

[tomestone]

kate merrills; i once went into a sex shop with the wife for a new vibrator,after a few minutes she decided on a tartan one about 10 inches high,it turned out it was the shop mans flask for his tea.ha!

[KateMerrills]

whoops!!!! I can imagine that was embarrassing!

Oh the shame!!!! lol

[dancealot13]

If his sex drive is really THAT gone...I would go see someone. Maybe a sex therapist, or a doctor. He can get it back, but if he isn't excited to try then it won't happen. He has to want to get his sex drive back, and he should care enough about you to try. If he doesn't make an effort, then I would really start threatening him a little. I mean, I could only take so much of him not wanting to help himself. Of course if its a medical condition, then stand by your man, but even if its a medical condition..he can still take time to pleasure you. Don't let the relationship turn into "Brother and Sister"

[jno]

maybe it's time for you to be less patient. It's a problem for you too, and he's being disrespectful in not trying to sort it out with you. It's impossible to say what's wrong, but chances are he's just gone off you. (This doesn't mean there's anyone else, or that he wants to leave; he may be very happy to stay with a woman who makes no demands of him and cooks his food.) But you're entitled to a sex life. I think, in your position, I'd start demanding some answers.

[Chipshopfat]

Sorry.

[Minnaloushe]

dancealot & Jno you've put into words exactly what I have been saying these last few years. Its kill or cure time.

But believe me I have made demands, it's not been pretty at times. But I have decided to make a stand and it's time to deprive him of my company in bed...it's spare room time, which he is not happy about. I just need to pluck up the courage and make the move.

[ll_billym]

Was there much sex in the beginning? I ask this because he may have a low sex drive anyway and after so many years of marriage it has disappeared completely. Anyway, you need to make absolutely clear to him that you need a sex life, even if that means him pleasuring you only. If he loves you as much as you say he does then this should be a small request. If he starts to do this then you never know it may reawaken his appetite.

[rach912]

Hi Minnaloushe

I don't think that a trip to your local sex shop is going to sort this problem out. One thing I will say is even though he is being selfish by not pro-actively doing anything about the situation it will be getting to him without a doubt. He will definitely be aware how it is affecting you and will probably be feeling quite ashamed of himself deep down. The reason that he wont confront it is that what you are saying is true and everyone finds that difficult to hear at times - don't we?

Although you have every right to be angry and hurt by his actions (or lack of them) I think you should really try and sort things out calmly, set aside some time to talk about things because chances are they will stem allot deeper than you realise. If you find that he is really not willing to do this then I think it is time to spend some time apart from each other so that he can see you mean business and appreciate how much this is affecting the both of you.

I know it was a long time ago.....but can you remember if there was a particular incident that happned when you last had sex? Or any jokes or comments that have been made that could have affected his self confidence?

Whatever happnes try and stick in there because it is clear that you both love each other. I really admire your commitment and dedication to your relationship so far - allot of people would have given up!

[Minnaloushe]

Thank you Rach912, your reply was very encouraging.

Not sure what happened to my last post but I wanted to just fill in few gaps...

We are not married. Sex was great for a year...his mother died then his sex drive disappeared...and hasn't returned for the last 7 years. Maybe a coincidence? not sure. I don't want to go into the ins and outs of his mother's death in respect for him and what he went through. It could have had a psychological effect. But surely after 7 years.......

Oh well I can wait I suppose...not much more I can do except cause him more pain and I certainly don't want to do that.

[jno]

well, he's causing you pain Minnaloushe, and I think you're entitled to do something about it. You say you love each other, but I'm not sure people in love do what he's doing to you: stringing you along, refusing to go to the doctor (I could understand if complicated surgery scared him, but not even going to a GP is crazy), pretending it's nothing to do with you anyway. Seven weeks maybe, but seven years?

It may be physical or mental; but that's not the problem. The problem is he's in total denial about it and it's affecting you. Personally, I'd be moving into another house, not another room... but it's up to you to decide how drastically to respond, how much the bad times outweigh the good times. But it sounds to me like a serious problem.

[Belle Fast]

I think when someone has an issue like this about sex it is impossible for people to guess what exactly it is about and he probably doesn't understand it himself fully. He may be too ashamed to get help or even admit the problem. Loads of guys have this problem (and girls too) but it is especially taboo for men in our society.

I think it is definately something to do with his mother's death. He may be depressed or if his mother was disapproving of sex he may feel she is there judging him when he feels interested in you sexually or that he is betraying her in some way. Also, sometimes people have problems having sex with the person they love because they can't bear emotional and physical closeness with the same person for some reason. I think you should let him know how much you care and after checking with your family doctor what's available get yourselves refered to a psychotherapist's sexual problems clinic. Hopefully he will feel able to get help with your support.

[lia*]

is he diabetic? he should see a doctor