Does anyone know how to deal with someone with dementia ?

[inej]

I have to visit my great aunt in a home tomorrow,she has dementia , half time she can't remember people, when she keeps asking the same question or if someones died or something should i tell her truth or just play along with her . I don't want to cause her no distress. Any idea what to do in these circumstances ? Thanks

[dot.hawkes]

talk about things that seem familiar to her, often they can remember their childhood far better than their own family.

[inej]

Thank's dot.hawkes , i just don't want to stress her out.

[sixpence]

When I used to visit my mother-in-law, who was in her 90s, she used to get distressed if I talked about family etc, as she couldn't remember them, so I would talk about the things that she had mentioned over the years about when she was young. I can't begin to count the times I listened about her picking blackcurrants and making jam, but she was happy and could remember every detail.

[Polotoo]

Hi inej

As the others say, try and talk about things she may remember, growing up, brothers and sisters, holidays, the war? etc. And just chatter - doesn't really matter what about, just happy things that are happening to you, she may not understand it all but that doesn't matter.

The only other thing I'd say is that, I'm sure it will be upsetting, but try and remember her how she was, and try to visit as much as you can, they can go downhill so quickly.

My nan was alzehimers (sp?), but I managed to spend a lot of time with her before she went really downhill, which I will always cherish, as now she sadly knows no-one.

Remember the good times!

[robbo82]

My mum works for The Alzheimer's Society. If you're worried about how to deal with someone with dementia, you could get in touch with them (they have branches up and down the country) for some advice.

[FelixtheDog]

Hi inej, My nan is in a similar situation and i also want to know if I should 'just play along' when she says something that is wrong or mentions someone who has died, thinking they are still alive.... and yes, how do I respond when she keeps asking the same questions, forgetting that I have just answered it for her ? I notice no one has answered that for you yet.

Most importantly, I think we should try to not cause them any distress and that probably means playing along and keep on answering the questions as if she hadnt already asked it 3 times...guess I just answered my own question. Thanks for asking it

[raysparx]

My mum had dimentia, and the one thing I would advise is, if she says something really silly don't correct her to much as they can become even more confused,as others have said childhood memories can be quite good,just keep it simple and try to make her laugh,

good luck, Ray

[loobie]

inej,

My mum is a carer for people with dementia. The one important thing Ishe was taught is not to remind them that their husband, mother, father etc has died even if it was many years ago. As it is something they can't remember, each time they are told about it they will be distraught and grieve for the loved ones as it is new news to them. The best thing would be to tell them that they are at home and they will visit them when they can. By the next day they won't have remembered what was said.

That's the only advice I can give.

[WendyS]

Many people with dimentia can remember the distant past but not the immediate past so if you can get her talking comfortably about her childhood and earlier memories this may ease the conversation gap. If she says something odd, just try and deflect the conversation back to more comfortable ground.

[peachy3]

play along you will get more conversation & thoughts out of her, ya neva no u may learn things about ur aunt u neva knew! gud luck i really feel for ya its hard, very hard i was 15 wen i 1st dealt with the death of my grandma!