Mums

[Epiphany74]

Is it possible for a mum and daughter to be friends? Mine drives me mad ... she has an opinion on everything and is always offering advice. This is a perfectly motherly thing to do I suppose - but aaargh ... she makes me so frustrated. I want to be better friends with her but being in her company always makes me feel worse, not better.

[madham]

Yes it is definitely possibly, depending on the age, if she is still in her teens then no chance, but when she reaches her early 20's or starts a family everything will fall into place and you can start enjoying shopping trips, hair appointments and lunches together.

[4getmenot]

I love my mum. Yer from time to time she has her opinions but at least she cares. There are some mothers out there that dont give two hoots about their children. I know I often moan about the little things my mums used to do or say to bring me up ok but I also know that I will do exactly the same when I have my own children.

[loobie]

I think everyone has different relationships with their parents. I get on really well with mum not quite so much with my dad but it's not bad. Have you spoken to your mum about the issues. sometimes it just takes a little nudge for her to be more aware of her actions.

Out of interest how old are you?

[mccfluff]

i get on great with mine, we live quite far apart but make up for it when we get together and go on lots of shopping trips etc, at least your mum cares enough to offer advice and be interested in your life!

[redcrx]

If youd asked this when i was 14-18 Id have said no, mums and daughters cant be friends.

Now Im in my early 30s i love my mum to bits. Yes she annoys me sometimes but we get on great.

We are both directors in the same company and i loved sitting in our offices and telling funny stories through the open doors. We had a great lugh for years. Then i gave birth to my son and we cant work at the same time. Mum looks after my son when Im in main office and i work from home rest of time. I really miss her company i have to say and thats the only thing that i miss now i have my son.

[Veggibear]

Don't feel guilty about not being 'best-friends' with your mother. I love my mum - but were not friends not at all - we have too different personalities. I think it is probably a misconception that we have that everyone else is best-friends with their mothers.

[stylinsam]

how old is your daughter?

[4getmenot]

I think its her mum she's on about stylinsam. Isnt it?

[joby1]

My Mum and I don't really get on all that well, maybe to do with our ages (I am 36, she is a young 53), or maybe personalities, (she always says I am like my Dad, from whom she is divorced!!) either way I still love her and she me, we just don't live in each others pockets to minimise friction.

The fact I know I can count on her for support if I need it is enough for me.

[stylinsam]

sorry yeah 4getmenot its her mum how old r u then? epiphany

[Epiphany74]

I'm the daughter and I'm ranting about my mum. Like Joby1, the difference in age between us isn't that great (relatively speaking) - I am 32 and mum is 50.

[madham]

Sorry misread the question, yes I am the same age 32 and I get on very well with both my parents and they are divorced, just depends then if you have things in common I suppose.

[Maggie-Mae]

I really hope mums and daughters can be friends. I have two olders sons who are great but Im looking forward to doing girly stuff with my 4 year old daughter when she gets older. She drives me round the bend at the moment, questioning everything I say and argues me down when ever shes asked to do anything, so Im hoping its going to get better, not worse. My relationship with my mum is really good now. She was very uptight when I was younger, didnt like me knocking about with the "wrong" type of friends or boyfriends but now she's great. Dont know what I would do without her, and my dad too!

[evenstar]

I feel the same about my mother epiphany! Although I love her if we weren't related we would not get on at all!!! On the other hand my daughter is 24 and we are great friends and always have been, even through her teens, there were a few hiccups, but we were always close. I suppose it must be to do with personalities. I wish i could be closer to my own mum - but her and my dad drive me crazy !

[kazzianne]

I agree with redcrx - my daughter is almost 18 and has decided that she wants nothing to do with me and that Im a terrible nother!! I just hope she doesnt stay with this opinion!!

[Poglet]

kazianne, i know how you feel, i have 2 daughters one is nearly 19, the other 16. They are horrid to me especially when they are together, which isnt too often as the older one lives with her dad cos when she was 15 i wouldnt let her do what she wanted so off she went to live with daddy for an easier life.

my 16 year old and i used to be sooo close but now its like, shutup, am i bothered. hopefully its just a phase but it hurts.

they say god mum you look fat, your hairs a mess, dont pick me up unless you put make up on etc. they dont realise it really hurts. My mum is v chubby and i love her to bits and was never embarassed by her as a teenager. i weigh 9st (hardly bella emberg i think)

so, epiphany 74 i think the answer is "depends on the character of both". But even if you arent best friends, as long and you love and appreicate her, she will be happy x :)

[silverdale5]

i am lucky, i am very close to my daughter even though there is a 27 year age difference. we have the same taste in music, clothes and decorating, and often find we are thinking the same things at the same time. i do give her my opinion and advice on anything she wants - but only when she wants it !

[sense4all]

It's swings and roundabouts with Mothers and Daughters. I am resolute with my teenagers that I have provided them with the skills to make friends elsewhere (and they both have a wide circle of very different friends). I just tell them at the moment I think it is more important that I am their Mother first and foremost and they can moan about me TO their friends til the cows come home! ( That looks really harsh in print, I am the one who does the face bothered routine, it works for me.) I must be doing something right as my eldest informed me that she was the only one in PSHE who felt that they could tell us anything - including topics like pregnancy, she was scandalised by this.

Epiphany are you the only outlet for your mother to pass on her pearls of wisdom to? Some people always see you as the yougster needing advice and guidance that is a much harder nut to crack. If she feels this way I would smile sweetly, make a neutral comment, and do exactly what I wanted anyway. My sisters MIL is like this and I often have to bite my tongue and say " Yes, we COULD do that." While thinking : actually I'd rather gouge my eyeballs out with a teaspoon! On the upside it always give my hubbie a laugh as he knows it's a killer for me to deal with.

[aka pixi]

hi epiphany, bless your heart, this brought back memories of me and my daughter just a few years ago. I honestly believed we would have cheerfully strangled each other given half the chance. We disagreed over everything and were always at each others throats. But over the last 3 or 4 years we have got on brilliantly. We have a real good laugh and are very close. We seemed to start getting on better when she was pregnant, and just got closer each day. She is now 20 and I am almost 40 and we have a really lovely relationship (part from when she whinges about her love life hee hee)

[Bohne]

I think it is possible, but even though I love my mother to death, I would not call her my friend!