Animals & Nature2 mins ago
Relationship trouble
Byatch: "Hello! It's me! Can you talk?"
Him: "Er�. Hello� umm� yeah of course I can�"
Byatch: "Okay, was just checking that your girlfriend wasn't there."
Him: *pauses* "�yeah, she's here. We're just watching a movie... er... how are you?"
At this point he gets up off the sofa and walks away, turning to me and saying, "It's just James." He continues to chat to his ex casually and when he looks back again I am staring at him, with one of those stares which says, "STEP AWAY FROM THE PHONE!". To cut a long story short I end up grabbing the phone and hanging up. She has the audacity to phone back so I tell her to get lost. Boyfriend and I row all night. He then stays up until 4am by himself getting drunk and the next morning I sneak out of the house (would have left the Saturday night but he prevented me from doing so).
I've now laid down an ultimatum: I have said that I do not want to hear from him again unless he sorts things out with his ex. I believe she is calling him for a reason. He needs give her closure and tell her not to call again.
I know for a fact that he doesn't want her and that he is very much in love with me, and as the feeling is mutual I am not going to throw everything away; there's far too much to lose. But how will I know for sure if he deals with his ex in the way he should? I know it boils down to trust, but this is the 2nd time in 9 months that his ex has called him so my faith in him is a little bit lacking at present.
Answers
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how long did he go out with her?
my wife hates the fact that i am very good friends with my old girlfriend!
this could of been a very innocent call about something silly,you will have to ask him in a non argumentetive way,but dont be judgemental,if you say your both commited to one another why should you care about the ex!!
If you know he doesnt want her then why not let him deal with her in his own way? 2 calls in 9 months is hardly harrassment. It may be that hes too nice to let her down gently or that he would like to keep some sort of friendship there. I am friends with almost all of my exes, some i hear from a couple of times a year, some my partner and i go out with often, including my ex husband.
I think that you are risking a lot by walking out and fighting over what seems to be a surprise call. It may all have been innocent on her part and she was checking if you were there in case you were upset.
You need to be able to trust him and at the moment it doesnt sound like you do at all.
I think that to grab the phone and hang up was definitely the wrong thing to do (although quite understandable!) and makes you look like Ms BunnyBoiler 2006.
However, as HE did not say something like: 'Listen, I'd rather you didn't call again, ok?' it is him who looks like Ms Bunny Boiler 2006 has a point.
The sad fact is that you will never know for sure how things are with them. He could give you all the right answers (change his number, speak with her while you were present etc) but those things could be purely for show - so many ways round them being the actual truth!
I appreciate that you don't want things to end - but unless you can trust him completely (and it is his issue, not the ex-gfs) there is no way you can be happy WITH him.
Very best wishes in whatever you decide to do :0)
Hi Champage honey - I think he probably said that it was a mate because he knew how you would react if he said it was his ex - which you did do! And now he's unlikely to tell you should she call again.I understand that it annoys you,but surely you being so happy with him is all that you need to know.She only calls him when drunk - loads of people do that.
I would only worry if he goes out and you dont know where,or hides his mobile etc,things like that.
Give him a big hug later and tell him that you are worried she wants him back.
The last time she had phoned we had a big row too. I�d gone to bed and he ended up taking a call from his ex and her best mate while I was asleep upstairs. I didn�t know this. But I woke up later in the night hearing voices. I went downstairs to find him naked in the living room on a phone $ex line!! I was pretty upset, and when we talked he blurted out that he�d been chatting to his ex earlier in the night and it was all a bit emotional. So I was pretty confused and I didn�t really get any sense out of him that night. Also bear in mind that an ex of mine contacted me early on in our relationship and I asked him not to call again because I knew it would upset my boyfriend.
I hate it when I react to situations like this. I know I should be bigger and better than that. I just hate being dragged into other people�s emotional dramas. I like my life simple!
So should I apologise and never raise the subject again?
I think you should only apologise if you mean it. You should also qualify why you reacted the way you did.
I feel there is a lot more to this than at first meets the eye...
*I* would ONLY stay with him if the alternative was so bad that i couldn't stand being alone... the thought of not being able to trust someone would make me very unhappy indeed... and that does not make for a successful relationship!
And as a final point - i would make damn sure that he knew that any more iffy behaviour and he'd be gone for good. He needs to believe that you believe that, otherwise you will be repeating this over and over.
Okay Not-so-psycho-champers!! Well if it was me I would tell him that I may have over-reacted,but how would he if the roles were reversed.Then tell him that you were angry because you heard her speak yet he lied and told you it was this James.Ask why he lied.Say you know he doesnt want her.Do all this whilst looking as sexy and hot as possible!! Fultter your eyelashes.Lots of cleavage.Get the picture??
Maximo is right. I do need to have a long talk with him. Had the shoe been on the other foot I know he would have gone nuts. So fair is fair. Plus he knows I�m as patient as a Saint when it comes to his antics. He often pushes the boundaries in many other respects and I never bat an eyelid. He did get aggressive with me but as soon as I told him he was scaring me he backed off. He knows better than to throw his weight around with me.
I get the distinct impression that his ex is calling him because she stills has feelings for him (which can be expected after a 2 and a half year relationship). He can remain friends with her if he likes, so long as she knows not to cross that line, which only he can make clear... IF he wants to.