got to rant

[nattab]

sorry, just so peed off at the mo. a few months ago a 16yr old girl on an internet game started chatting to my hubby and in her messages she would say things like 'luv ya loads' and 'your little rogue just seeing how u r'. now i got annoyed over this and sent her a voicemail telling her to pack it in and my hubby said, don't be stupid, she's just a kid, and she told me she is no threat to me as she has a fella., but i still got annoyed as she started texting him.

he stopped talking to her for a bit and then tonite i find him chatting to her and calling her 'hun' which really peed me off. then she asked him if i was around, i just want to call her and tell her to stay away from him. feeling so depressed and just want to cry, especially as i am not well at the mo.

just need a few words of advice from some friends.

[nattab]

she plays on the fact that she is depressed and he says he feels sorry for her, the only thing is that i have actually suffered from depression from the age of 17 and have now completed a course of counselling that helped a lot. i still have bad days, and this is definately one of them. i don't know what i would do without all of you to talk to

[nattab]

thanx inej, u r so kind,

but i've tried this once, as i mentioned she said she had a fella, so i said what's she doing texting a 37year old man. the texts stopped and she hasn't emailed him, but she still sends him messages on that stupid game

[nattab]

thanks for your help everyone, feel a little bit calmer now

[Drusilla1S]

If your husband had any respect for you, he would not behave in this manner. I believe you should issue an ultimatum that he stop his self indulgent behaviour and recognise your unhappiness. If he cannot accept that, then you have to recognise there is a major problem in your marriage and you may need to reassess your situation.

[nattab]

been considering my situation myself. really am at my wits end with the situation

[curiosity]

Hi nattab I'm glad you're feeling calmer ... nothing like a good rant! And I agree with all the other posters, it's just not on. However you say I just hate the way he makes me feel sometimes. and I just wanted to remind you that no-one can make you feel anything, it's what you say to yourself about what they've done or are doing that causes whatever feeling it is you get, like right now...anger. Listen to what you are saying to yourself that is building up the feeling, and that might give you some answers as to what to do about it. Good Luck.

[nattab]

thanks curiosity, i guess your right, i shouldn't let him get to me so much and should concentrate more on myself and why i feel so bad about it. i think a good talk is in order, if that doesn't work, then a pair of scissors and his favourite shirts, or some bleach.

[Jennykins]

Good point that she plays on the fact that she is depressed... men seem to be pretty naive when it comes to girls that like to manipulate men. Its like when you go out with your man and through the night a girl seems to be paying a little "to much" attention to your man.. and he seems to smile and laugh back with her.. mean while you can see her flurting and its just ******* you off.. then later when you confront him ... he says.. she wasnt flirting.. we were just talking about stuff... and of course you think he's lying, but then you realize that yes she was flirting with him .. but he "being a man" was just thinking they were having a chat like he would with anybody, right...

Well I hope some of that made sence.. good luck my dear... Things always find away of working out.

[nattab]

i think he knows what is going on, he just likes the attention. but it is so upsetting. thanks for your advice everyone

[silverdaler]

hi nattab, sorry to hear of your demise.

could you show him all these replies and let him see how other people view the situation ?

at the moment this probably is all innocent, and possibly this girl is feeding his ego. However, knowing how hurtful this is to you, even IF it is innocent, is VERY disrespectful of your husband. Tell him to grow up, tell HER to find a counsellor !!

good luck hun!

[electricblue]

He has to prove he still has,,,IT!!! Its his age,are you younger???Your time is yet to come!!!!!

[nattab]

thanks silverdaler. everyone has been a big help

[nattab]

thanks electric blue, but you think he would know he still had it as he is 37 in october and i turn 25 on the 26th. u think he would be happy with what he has

[spk]

Hi Nattab

I think everybody is right- its not acceptable and should only get to a certain level of chat and thats enough. You arent being over the top and are quite within your rights to be upset. Tell him how upset it is making you feel and how dangerous it is- this girl could be anyone and if she is 16 she is too young to know any better. Your husband needs to stop this. How would he feel if the roles were reversed and a man was calling you hun etc? I hope it all works out for youx

[shivvy]

Take a couple of minutes to get things clear in your own head.

You feel that he is treating you badly/being disrespectful - right?

Do you want to be with someone who is treating you this way/making you feel this way?

If the answer is yes, I don't think you would have posted this question.

If the answer is no, then sit him down (with the computer/phone etc turned off) and tell him that what he is doing is hurtful to you. Tell him that you find his behaviour unacceptable and therefore you need to know whether he plans to stop it or not so that you can decide whether you are able to stay with him or not.

If the penny drops with him and he doesnt want to lose you, he will stop.

If not, then pack your bags and go - without a backward glance.

Don't stay with someone who thinks so little of you.

I am sure you would give the same advice to someone else if they were in your situation.

Best of luck to you.

[kazzianne]

I would go mental if my b/f was chatting to a girl in this way,let alone one that is only 16!! He is obviously enjoying the attention,but as someone else said - how did she get his mobile number? How would he like it if you were chatting to men in this way and giving them your number?x

[nattab]

thanks to everyone for your advise. i wil let you know what i am goin to do later

[kazzianne]

nattab - if you ever want tp talk on msn then my add is [email protected]. Have you thought about telling his kids what he is doing and see how he reacts?? Might shock him.

[nattab]

thanks kazz, good to know i have someone to chat to