Relationship question

[I-say]

Can a relationship survive if (in my case) your partner was unfaithful. He doesnt even seem very sorry about it.

[alijangra]

Have the confidence to ditch the loser. Surely you know you have to?

[B00]

Yes a relationship can survive an affair, providing the couple both acknowledge that there were problems in the relationship in the 1st place, that you are totally (brutally?) honest and that BOTH of you are forgiving.

Where a partner doesn't even seem to be remorseful? I would have said no, a relationship couldn't continue.

[I-say]

I think you have got it right alijangra. But its having the confidence to do it. He knows its hurt me, he makes no apolgies for it. I think I am scared of being on my own. Which kind of makes me look pathetic. Plus I do love him.

[Dot:Hawkes]

he doesn't love u, real love is beyond cheating and extremely hard to find and keep.

[I-say]

BOO, thanks for replying, yes there were a few problems but not in the "bedroom dept" to put it nicely. But he seems to be enjoying the fact that I am upset and yet he has yet to say sorry. Am I just being a mug?

[alijangra]

He obviously thinks you are too weak to do anything about it. I say show him you are a strong person and worth more than a cheating scumbag like him.

[I-say]

Thankyou Dot for your reply. Alijangra, I think you are right again. I have now become this horrible needy person. Why? I hate myself for being like this. I wear my heart on my sleeve and he is just so hard.

[alijangra]

Tell him you are getting shot of him. I can guarantee he wont be so hard then. Call a friend and go have a night out away from him. Life really is better without someone like him.

[bobis]

why should he be sorry, if he was happy then he would not have gone elswhere

[alijangra]

Yes bobis that is probably true that he wasnt happy, but that doesnt mean you can take a sh1t on someone else from a great height. What goes around, comes around. Never a truer word spoken.

[I-say]

Thanks alijangra....you are right again! Guess I just needed someone to tell me, as I keep thinking I must of done something wrong. But even being totally honest, I dont think I did anything to deserve him being unfaithful, and now him enjoying the fact that its upset me so much.

[alijangra]

No, dont blame yourself! If he had even a shred of decency about him he would have ended the relationship properly. Nobody deserves to be treated this way. Except maybe him in the future.

[Dot:Hawkes]

men. can't live with em, can't shoot em, barstewards

[alijangra]

Go out and buy some new clothes, have a facial and get your hair done. Show him you are getting on with things. If you live together, either pack his bags or pack yours. Its a hard thing to do but once you have done it you will feel liberated.

[I-say]

bobis, yes you are probably right, but there are ways of treating others who you have spent a long time with. And if he is unhappy, then why does he now want us to be together still? Its his not saying sorry, that I cant get over. Its like he has put up this barrier wall now.

alijangra, yup, I believe what goes around etc etc. But he has been cheated on before, so maybe he thinks he can do it to someone else...........me!

[alijangra]

Dont make excuses for him, there is no excuse for what he has done. On that note, I must be off to bed. Good luck with whatever decision you make and I wish you happiness for the future xx Alison

[I-say]

I think I need to be a stronger person alijangra. Thanks for your sound advice. A problem shared etc etc...... Thankyou.

[I-say]

Dot, we think along the same lines!

[I-say]

Thanks alijangra.............night night xx

[jno]

he enjoys the fact that you're upset? Only one answer to that I-say. Well, two, actually: if you're in some sort of vaguely S-M set up where one person likes inflicting hurt and the other enjoys it (because it makes him or her feel loved), then go with it. But you don't sound as if you're enjoying it one little bit. On that basis, no, it can survive only as long as you allow it to.