Confusion...

[Katy loo]

I need some advice on my current situation...I have been married for 3 years and have a child who is a year and a half. For the past year things have not been good with our marriage and we have said we will try for our childs sake but I am now concious of the fact that he suffers with the arguments he hears. I work full time as does my husband and now feel that there is nothing there any more I cry everyday and things are so bad that there are times i could have got up and left on my own...which I do not want to do. What I want to know is should I continue the marriage for my childs sake or not? Also financially what help and support can I get if I go alone? My husband thinks thatwe should work at it ...when times are hard he thinks you shouldnt give up., but we sleep in seperate beds, I dont love him and I am 28 surely there is more to life

[madham]

Hi Katy Loo.

I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going so well for you, but it does sound as if you are suffering mild Postnatal Depression, and this is probably making any problems with your husband seem 10 times worse, arrange to see your health visitor and have a good talk about the way you're feeling.

I don't believe people should stay together just for a child, they are resilient and it won't affect them as much at your Son's age as it would were they a teenager, but you must try and exhaust your options before you decide to leave.

Has anything happened in your relationship that has changed your views of hubby?

Also could you ask a family member to have your Son for a few days, you and your husband get away for a few days and have a proper chat about how you feel about each other without any interruptions.

Good Luck honey and let us know what you decide x

[rugeleyboy]

there is more to life..........but dont join the statistics for the sake of it!! try and remeber what things were like before the bills came along! we all like to think of living the endless summer but sooner or later the winter arrives!!

perhaps there is a spark between you and your hubby,but because the mortgage/rent is due,you need to go shooping,the little un needs new shoes,the car needs taxing......it all adds up and you take it out on the one's you love!!!!!

i lost a business 4 years ago and it made us very cash poor,me and the wife were at each others throats all the time....things are better now financialy and there is less pressure on us!! ..we argue now and again but i/we are happy we never went through with the divorce talk!!!

good luck with your decision!!

[rugeleyboy]

crikey.....i forgot about the post natal depresion!! she had it very bad,but now it seems like a long time ago!!!

[KARL]

This is a predicament very many people find themselves in. It is one which has really proliferated in the past 50 years or so and is to some extent a product of the prosperous times we live in, together with greater enlightenment and individual freedoms. Many "specialists" in the field of human relations feel people do not try hard enough to resolve disputes, and that they enter into them too self-indulgently - in not a small degree due to utterly unrealistic views brought about by the media, consumerism, etc. Additionally, children are brought into this world into circumstances they did not choose - it took literally seconds to start the process. There is no single, simple answer but it seems likely that living with only a bitter, single parent is not an ideal start in life. Provided both parents are willing to completely set aside selfish considerations there should be a way to at least rationally evaluate options. Nobody has a right to expect love from anyone else, but they deserve certain basic respect. With a clear head one can realise that there is a lot to be had out of life by co-operation, but for that one needs to conquer many emotions (not eliminate them altogether but moderate them), including romaticism, anger, self pity, etc.

[Drusilla1S]

I think madham has hit the nail on the head. As your child is only 18 months old, you may be suffering from a bout of post natal depression combined with a few other factors.

Post childbirth, our sex lives get disrupted and the re-organisation of our everyday lives is often haphazard. It is also worth remembering a relationship between two people changes dramatically when a child arrives on the scene and some people are better at adapting to all these changes than others. It might be an idea to contact one of the marriage guidance groups before doing anything final.

I hope this helps.