advice needed

[Immi666]

i have a problem with my best friend. we have so much fun when we're together & he makes me laugh. not to mention doing all my cleaning & stuff. but he keeps stealing from me, & lying to me. i always tell him its his last chance, but then i give in & give him another. because i hate not having him around. i dont like the fact that he thinks he can get away with things, but i dont wanna lose him. he's done ok recently, & he's homeless so i invited him to live with me. i told him that if he screwed up once, i'd kick him out and call the police (he has 2 warrants out for his arrest - skipping probation or something). this morning i found out that he used my credit card 2 buy something off the internet. it was only �4, but it counts as a screw up. if i stick to what i said and kick him out, he'll know he cant get away with things anymore, but then i'll be lonely again. he's the only friend i have up here, if it wasnt for him i'd be on my own all the time. i dont know what to do. got any suggestions?

[PinkFizz]

Best friend - stealing???? Helloo????

[lia*]

How can you consider him your friend whe he steals and lies to you? Furthermore best friend! Wake up babe and smell the coffee.

[ELVIS68]

Kick him out and change your locks

[4getmenot]

If he steals of you once its his fault if he steals of you more than once its your own. Have some self respect woman/man. This person doesnt give a damm about you as a best friend. Where I come from its hard not to know someone when you are growing up that doesn�t get into drugs. My mate unfortunately got into heroine big time and I began to help her and take her in, things were going good and then she relapsed, she realised what she had done and sent me apology letters I tried helping her again. But after getting the third �Sorry I�ve done it again� letter I realised she could only help herself and I said I didn�t want anything to do with her ever again. She is off the drugs now and as far as I know living a happy life but I still wont speak to her. I will always be there for any of my friends but I am not going to be walked over. This is what your friend is doing to you. Yer some people that steal are in a bad situation but they have to learn to help themselves and not rely on others. So kick him out and get the courage yourself to go and make friends it isn�t hard when you put you mind to it. Through work colleagues, local clubs you�ll find friends that do care.

[mccfluff]

i think you have to stick to your guns and kick him out, he ob doesn't respect you and if you keep putting up with this it will get worse!

[cameo]

as you said yourself, he is your only 'friend'. but that is just it - he is not your friend. he is just using you because he knows he can get away with it,
get rid of him. i know it's hard if you are lonely and like his company but it really is the best thing you can do.
try and make other friends - maybe join a club.
this person is only going to drag you down.
good luck!

[Immi666]

thanks guys. i know i'm just being a wuss. i need to kick him out and have nothing to do with him ever again. not easy tho :(

[~Wingnut~]

Unfortunatley immi, I would say this person is only being your friend because you have let them get away with so much that they are just using you know. I'm sorry to tell you that but you really need to get rid.
So you'll be on your own for a while, at least you'll have the same amount of money, same amount of processions than if he were still there.

See this as a kick start to going out more, maybe attending a nightclass and make some new friends.

You really don't need someone like this in your life, you just can't trust them and they are making you feel dependent on them and trapping you in a corner.
Good luck and be strong :o)

[raysparx]

This jerk is no friend, you might be his friend,but he is not your friend, lets get that right, you don't steal from anybody,but if you are going to nick something, you NEVER nick from friends and family, chuck him out, he ain't worth the time of day, keep him there next time it will be a lot more, he is a ****** !!!!!!

[noxlumos]

I'm going to go against the grain and strick up for him here. He may very well be at a point ( homeless, warrants out for him etc) that he's lost all perpective of what "right" and "normal" is. The thing with the credit card may or may not be a chuckoutable offence depending upon the way in which it was done. It sometimes doesn't help to have a constant threat hanging over you re you screwing up when your in that sort of low state. In fact it almost encourages screw ups to some extent. I've had a fair amount of experience with people coming off drugs ( including myself) and many relapses and associated problems are to be expected, it's simply unrealistic to set goals such as "screw up and your out" because it'll never happen in a million years. I don;t think your friend lying to you etc is any idication that he's not genuinely your friend, just that he's not in a position to recognise how out of whack his behaviour is at present. I treated many people I love deeply very very badly indeed but it wasn't for a long time that I could see it, and those who stuck with me through it were real friends and those that didn't probably were as well but just couldn't hack it. If you can try and support him, it's nothing to do with you having no self respect, it's just about being able to see the possibility that ONE day he'll be back on this planet and feel awful about the way he treated you.It's your call, only you really know how bad he is and if he's taking the mick or not.If he is just kick him out but if you think he can't help it ,then if you can, give him a break.

[jno]

Immi, I fear the next bill may be for �8... then �28... Is there any way you could keep him around but nail down everything you want to keep? I know what it's like to be short of friends and to not want to lose the ones you have. But it sounds like this one is making it an expensive business for you - not just in terms of money but of self-respect too. You sound like a caring sort of person; I think you'll be able to acquire the sort of friends who aren't being sought by the police.

[Ms.Hijinx]

hey immi, ill be your friend kick this parasite to the kerb you deserves loads better contact me through yahoo messenger as mistresshijinx if you want a chat lots of luck

[Immi666]

thanks for the advice guys. i'll try and sort something out.

and thanks hijinx, i dont use yahoo messenger tho. it keeps crashing my pc.

[WendyS]

You're being used Immi. He's just taking advantage of you and I think for the sake of your self esteem you need to follow through on your threats to kick him out and tell the police before you get yourself a bad name as being one of his known associates. Contact your credit card company and tell them about the unauthorised use of your card.. I'm not surprised he's homeless if this is how he's been treating his friends and family. He's probably stolen from all of them too and if he's allowed to continue in this way your own address could be compromised if you want to obtain credit in the future. Get the credit card company to cancel your card and issue you with a new number NOW.
As for being lonely, you're better with your own company than this toe rag. Go to your local library. They will probably have a list of lots of organisations you can join to make new friends, or charities who are seeking volunteers to help them. You'll meet interesting new people in this way and will discover that there are still lots of decent people around.