First date.

[Oleanda]

I am going on a date tomorrow for the first time in 36 years, and I am terrified! (Was married 35 yrs, separated 1 yr). I met this bloke for a drink and he has asked me out for a meal; now what I want to know is, whats the form on going "Dutch" these days? Thats what I would prefer to do, but I don't want to offend him, and I don't know how to bring the subject up.

[caz21]

Oh wow! good on you! hope you have a lovely evening! Dont worry about who pays! It usually works itself out, if he is a gentleman which i'm sure he will be, he probably has old fashioned values (in the good sense of the words!) in which case he will probably pay, after all it is the first date! If he offers let him! Then you can offer to pay, or pay half second date!

(I usually go by the he pays one week i pay the next rule, it just seems nicer than only paying half, i personaly feel stingey doing that! )

[raysparx]

Hi Oleanda,

Speaking from a blokes point of view, If I was to ask a lady out for dinner,or out anywhere, I would not expect her to pay, if she wanted to buy a drink for us both, ok, I can accept that,but maybe I am a bit old fashioned,but even my sons who are 31 and 27 never expect a lady to pay, go out,have a great time,hope it works for you, good luck, Ray xx

[originalspa]

Why bring it up at all? I think you should just wait and see what happens as there's no hard rules here! What's to say that he won't bring it up?

I hope you enjoy your evening and don't worry about anything. Take it easy and go with the flow!

Good luck!

[B00]

Going Dutch is still acceptable, well it was when I was dating errrr some time ago! Unless the blokes I dated were just tight bu88ers ;-)

Not sure how you'd actually broach the subject of splitting the bill, but I'd be tempted to bring it up as a joke and guage his reaction to it.

Good luck and have a great night :-)

[~Wingnut~]

Wahey misses! Good for you! Don't let this one thing spoil the build up of excitment for your date.
I'd do like others have said, wait until it is time to pay and see what happens. The fact he has asked you out for dinner sort of suggests to me it's his treat and will most likely pay.
If it goes well, say "Ok, but it's my treat next time" leaving it open for another date if you want to.

Have a fantastic time, enjoy yourself and relax :o)

[raysparx]

Nice answer Wingnut, I like the "my treat next time" very subtle, really good idea.

[JamesEverton]

It depends how the evening progresses. If you find that you can't stand him after all it's up to your personal conscience whether you offer to pay half. If you think it's gone well it shouldn't be difficult to offer to contribute (so long as you're relaxed I shouldn't have thought it was possible to offend him). If he resists then don't push him but you might use the opportunity to say something along the lines of 'well, I'll pay next time' so that he's not in too much doubt about whether you like him.

As a man, I would expect to pay for meals on the first few dates. After that I think it's considerate to accept that a (modern, independent) woman may prefer to pay some of the bill.

[Oleanda]

Thank you all for your thoughts, I will bear them in mind and go with the flow!

[nobjob]

and just remember just because he buys you dinner doesnt mean you have to sleep with him !!!


sorry that was a joke fair play to you lady for getting yourself back out there after so long, i hope you have a great night .

[PinkFizz]

oooh,how exciting! I hope it goes brilliantly for you.And as the others say,when the bill arrives I would offer to go halves,but as I expect he will insist on paying,just offer to treat him next time.Let us know how it went!

[turboped]

If I was invited out for dinner I wouldn't expect to pay, so if it goes okay you can invite him out on the next one, but as has been said before, don't worry about it, try to enjoy and good luck, have a great time.

[angel-cake]

raysparx - do your sons have girlfriends??? (same age as me and im single, hehe!)