getting out of a rut 2

[salisbury]

How do you start to meet new people? I am 23 and find myself stuck indoors most nights and even now on weekend as mates are either with girlfriends or are skint.

Im only 23 and feel like everybody is out there dating and having fun while Im stuck in.

The thing is im kinda shy, and Im not the kinda guy who can just go down the pub on his own and entertain the ladies........me and my mates have various plans etc to go on holiday, but that seems all so far away. I have now been single for 5 months and really want to get out and start dating, and seeing whats out there for me


HOW DO I GO ABOUT IT?

[4getmenot]

What happened to the girl you met?

[Champagne]

Salisbury, you are either making all of this up or you are a manic depressive. If this is for real then you should look over how many similar questions you have posted over the past 2 months and then get yourself to see a doctor about your issues. There's more to life than girlfriends y'know.

I'm off to get a coffee...

[4getmenot]

Champagne is right You do seem to have the glass is half empty attitude all the time. And we have all said YOU DONT NEED A GIRLFRIEND.
Don�t really know what to suggest because you say you are left on your own quite a bit but you wont go out and make friends. Is there anyone at work that you could organise to go out drinking with or any clubs locally you might want to join?

[salisbury]

CHEERS CHAMPAGNE FOR THAT.

yes i have met a girl but she lives in London whereas I am up in North Wles, I dont think much can come of it as she is going travelling next year, but we are gonna meet up next month anyway.....

god damn, i just meant that i feel like an old man, being stuck indoors almost everynight at the age of 23 !

[Champagne]

You're welcome salisbury.

The fact remains that there is NO REASON for you to be couped up indoors all the time. There are plenty of recreational activities going on in every town. Everyone has that hobby that they've always wanted to take up, or a qualification that they've always wanted to obtain. Most are fairly cheap too. Two evening classes per week would sort you out.

I just fail to see why you're still complaining after 2 months when you've shown no signs of improving your situation.

[salisbury]

AActually, i have!

I have joined the gym (altho i havent been a lot since world cup has been on).....and am now playing football 3 nights a week.............so i am doing things all the time but, always with men!!!!

The only time i see women is when I go out, but none of my mates really go out much these days

This is my point, I find it hard to chat up women sober in the high street so my only option really is going out drinking, but nobody else really wants to as they are either loved up or strapped for cash

[4getmenot]

You're young though, see if any of your footie mates want to go out, I cant believe they are all settled down. You think to much about the girlfriend situation. You ever heard the saying 'you're more likely to find someone when you're not even looking'

[Supernick]

You're always best off meeting girls through mutual friends, but you can't expect it to just fall in your lap. Chatting girls up on the high street is vert rarely going to work, and I'd be willing to bet that no-one on here met their partner like that. (This is where I'm proved very wrong though!). Why not go out with the football lads that you play with? I go out with the people I play football with, and pretty soon you're chatting to their friends etc. Before you know it you know more people than you did the day before.
And lastly, being 23 and single is nothing to worry about. What will put off girls/mates fast is not looks, a gym toned body, cash, etc, but someone who is really negative all the time. So you HAVE to try to look more positively otherwise you'll never get anywhere.
Anyway, we all know that girls are no good anyway ;-)

[Champagne]

What about a course to improve your confidence?

This isn't a joke. Shyness is your biggest problem so why not address the issue that's causing all your grief?

[salisbury]

champagne i am more of a tryer than you think, i have already phoned up colleges but they only have courses for this in the daytime, and as I work 9-5 I cant go !

I really do want to change otherwise I feel I might not find happiness
Some people actually tell me im not as shy as I think, and i did have a very good loking girlfriend (i know looks arent everything)

but i just seem to beat mysef up over being shy

[4getmenot]

How about a drama course?

[salisbury]

drama? i am afraid that would scare the cr@p out of me

i find things like that pretentious and im not one for showing off

[4getmenot]

But it would get you out of your shell.

[Champagne]

I think 4getmenot has a point. Any course that will help you come out of your shell would be good. You need to overcome your fear. Public speaking would be good. Or something that you would require you to overcome the embarrassment. It's not a case of 'building' confidence really. More a case of getting you to realise that there's nothing to lose from letting go, losing your inhibitions etc.

[Supernick]

You must realise that psychologically you have trapped yourself in a vicious circle.
You want to stop being shy, but won't accept any ideas to solve that because you say you're too shy to commit to them. Unless you break out if it somehow then you'll just become a neverending cycle of misery. So take up one of the decent suggstions that you have been given, and really try as hard as you can to carry it through.

[polly1]

Loads of people are shy but it doesnt mean they need to start public speaking or go to drama classes - i tried it and it can be fun but not the only way to improve confidence which i think comes over time and with age anyway.

why dont you get a bar job for a night or two a week. It might be a bit tiring with your 9 to 5 but you are sure to meet loads of people and make frineds that way AND make money at the same time.

Good luck

[4getmenot]

We didnt say he NEEDED to, we're giving him some ideas

[WendyS]

What are your hobbies and interests? You don't have to be out dating all the time. Go down to your loca llibrary and see what clubs, associations and organisations exist to suit varying interests. Wine-making? Line dancing? Rotary or other local charity support groups? Keep fit or Gym or a sports/tennis club? You surely must be able to find something of interest which you can join and meet new people. Sometimes it's good to have friends and acquaintances with whom you can mix on a non-sexual basis.
Being shy is another form of worrying more about about what other people are thinking of you, rather than you thinking about them. Don't worry about what people are thinking of you. Just get out and investigate the options available.

[WendyS]

And if you want to meet some ladies, pick an environment where they are more likely to attend than men.
Enjoy reading? Enquire at your library if a local group exists.
And cookery - You'll doubtless meet lots of ladies at a cookery class, especially if it's Chinese or Indian food.