Answers please????

[MarkR]

Hi all, ive got a bit of a dilemna occuring. Ive been with my girlfriend for 7 months and love her to bits....but im not sure if she is the one??? There's a woman who i work with who ive liked for the last 3 years and we have been really good mates....until now, i think she likes me in that way too. Shes 10 years older than me and she has a boyfriend too, but i cant help but think of her all the time....what should i do?????

[nicnic]

When you say you like this other women, how deep does this run? Do you just fancy her or is there more to it than just lust? Although you may not be sure that your girlfriend is 'the one' are you willing to jeopardise what you have with her for something that might or might not happen. Try to see the two situations separately - first of all you don't know if your girl is the one for you, and secondly you're attracted to your colleague. You know that you can't see both at the same time. Think about the pros and cons. Maybe the best thing would to be single, you just don't know...

[Ms.Hijinx]

if you loved your girlfriend to bits you wouldnt be distracted by this woman so let girlfriend go and have chance with someone who is 100% for her declare yourself to the older woman and be prepared for the consequences, either its gonna be youre wrong and youve lost a mate or she will dump boyfriend to be with you and if she is that easily distracted from her relationship what makes you think she would be any different with you also we woman know we look stupid when we are dating someone half our age unlike most men!! watch your back hun and follow your instincts and for gods sake let us know how it turns out good luck

[atolhurst]

If you're thinking about another woman in 'that' way quite seriously, it's not really fair on your gf. How would you feel about someone you loved thinking about another bloke. I personally would feel broken if I thought my bf thought that way about someone else.

If your current gf isn't making your feelings about this other woman any less, then I would think she's probably not the 'one'.

[MarkR]

Thanks for you answers. I dont know....i care for my gf lots, but i just dont know if i want to settle down with her, but at the same time i dont know if i could break her heart if i were to tell her this. The woman at work...we seem to have a good chemistry going. Im not that good with women, never really had a proper relationship until this current one.....am i insecure????? i dont know what to think. I know its easy for me to say this, but im not one of these guys who would do anything to harm someone. Im easy going and friendly...but i dont know why i feel this way???

[China Doll]

Tend to agree with what the others say but is it possible that you love your girlfriend and just lusting after the other woman? If it's lust then I wouldn't really go dumping the girlfriend.

I'm a scaredy cat but I think if you can you should speak to the older woman, find out if she does have feelings for you and see what you think after you've spoken to her.

[Champagne]

If you're that easily distracted from your girlfriend then she probably isn't 'the one'. Plus the doubt itself answers your question. In that case the fairest thing you could do for her is end your relationship. You don't have to tell her all the details about fancying somebody else, but you should tell her that you love her but just don't ever see yourself settling down with her. It's better to end it now than to drag it out.

Your work colleague is a completely separate issue. Good luck with that situation too!

[DotH]

Can you not step back and see your life as a bit of a cliche? it is a scenario as old as Cathy & Claire themselves, (older female abers will back me on that) and it is how men percieve themselves in this positon, not how the females take their role. men need to feel they can always do better, I think anyway.

[MarkR]

Thanks everyone, all of your answer help. I think your all right in a way, i do love my gf lots, but not as a partner, as a very good friend. The older woman at work is probably just a fantasy...and i doubt anything will happen. I cant explain the reasoning behind it, i feel so bad because my gf is such as nice chick, and i dont know if i will find anyone as nice as her....thats why i cant understand the doubt in my mind. But i will see what happens. Thanks again folks

[Champagne]

Ah, Mark, don't beat yourself up too much. I've dated lots of really really nice guys in the past, but it doesn't mean that I wanted to settle down and have their kids. Sometimes there isn't a valid reason for not wanting them in that way. You just don't. x

[Adamski44]

never ever ever ever ever declare your love for someone you work with unless you are prepared to leave your job, or you are in a supior position and can force them out or sack them. its gonna be really difficult if she doesnt feel the same, remember women can be friends with men! and not feel anything more, even if we cant understand it. i been through this dude, stick with the one you know likes you

[WendyS]

If you say you love your girlfriend to bits, but are not sure if she's "the one", then she isn't. Simple as that.

Part of you is obviously still searching for your "ideal". You may find it. You may not. But don't settle down until you're 100% sure that you can make a permanent commitment to somebody. It isn't fair on them.

Sounds as if you rather want to have your cake and eat it. If you don't want to hurt it, why are you still going out with her if you're not sure you want to commit? Maybe you should end the relationship and give her the chance to find somebody for whom she IS the "ideal".