Dealing with offensive comments

[SanelyMad]

I was at a barbecue at the weekend and the people at my table started talking about immigration and said some racist things. I was not happy about this but after a couple of minutes they stopped and changed the subject. I have been thinking since how I could cope with the situation if sadly it happens in the future. If they had tried to bring me in to the conversation I would have said I found their comments offensive. If they had been talking for longer I would have got up and left. I was just wondering your views on how to handle the situation.

[dot.hawkes]

well, assuming the people did not know you as sanelymad you would be starting from a whole better aspect than anyone here, i would have laughed at them and made them feel small stupid and thick.

[spk]

Hi sanelymad - I can understand how you feel I hate racism. Live and let live is my motto the world is big enough for everyone. I would deal with it in future by putting your opinion across in a polite way and standing up for what you believe in. It might not change their opinion but might make you feel better. Hope you have a lovely day x

[mazzywoo]

Hi sanelymad. Yep, I hate racism too. We had a friend who held very radical views about this and one day, he started ranting on about immigration. It ended with us telling him what a total prat he was and walking out because we couldn't stand it any more and we haven't seen him since. We had considered him a good friend but now see that we couldn't stay friendly with someone who was so bigoted and stupid. I would say how you feel next time it happens and think how idiotic these racist people really are! Good luck xx

[raysparx]

I agree it is not nice, sad to say though a majority are Rascist in one form or another although most will deny being so, how many round that table weren't laughing or joining in ?

[Catso]

I think your best response would have been to say that you found what they were saying offensive. I think making your point quietly and politely would be far more effective than getting into a slanging match.

Having said that, fortunately we are still (just) in a land where everyone is entitled to an opinion. Just as you are entitled to disagree with it.

[Goodsoulette]

My ex- inlaws are racist, they think they arent but they are. They didnt like any ethnic minority, they didnt like asians earning money and if anyone of a skin a bit darker than theirs moved in around them there would be presumptions of trouble, cause their kids were such angels ha ha ha Now they used to say, whenever I got ****** off with them for this ( I couldnt contain my annoyance and the first comment and I am a very shy and quiet woman), that you dont understand what its like to live around them. I used to laugh at them and say I understand now its just cause you are stupid and poorly educated, its not your fault you feel like this but there are laws against racism and most reasonably educated people would find your comments racist. They were from Birmingham but my step-mother from London who has grown up in a similar environment is totally opposite, it has made her very anti-racism,

I know its tough but you just have to be strong on this one and make them feel like rotten sods. I find it really hard to believe that in this day and age people are still racist, those who are, are thick.

[flip-flop]

Catso's second paragraph sums it up nicely for me - unpalatable as the comments may have been, they were opinions and were therefore perfectly valid and just as valid as your opinion.

If you don't like it, leave would by my advice.

[JustSia]

Whatever comment you make in this sort of situation, given your views, would more than likely spark a full on debate or an argument, given their position, so I'd first consider whether it is worth the bother, it is not as if you're gonna change their opinion in 5 min. Would you want to turn a family/friends gathering into politics debate? Besides you against however many people there were would be pretty futile.

If you really want to pull them on what they said then confront them individually but don't insult them or try and be all righteous. I bet most of those comments were made without much consideration and in the spirit of a pack. Once on their own they might be more receptive to the fact that others might have found them offensive.

S.

[Supernick]

The directors of my company are racist, and after one too many comments about call centres in India I snapped and told them I wasn't prepared to join them in the restaurant if they didn't stop saying things like that in front of me. I'm not sure it did me any favours, but it made me feel better.

[Octavius]

I would probably have done what you said you would do. Thats my view.

[ugly_bob]

What's wrong with having a go at call centres in India? They are useless. Yes, because they're in India. That's not being racist, it's stating a fact. It's because the people on the end don't speak English very well that is the problem, not just that they're Indian.
I think a lot of people get caught up in the anti-immigration thing and go too far, tarring all immigrants with the brush of illegals, where this country could not have prospered as it has in the past without immigration.

[Pippa68]

ugly_bob touched on a good point there. I would complain if I was given bad service in a restaurant, from a call centre,in a store etc..and that includes bad communication.

If the people I complained about were ethnic, would I be considered racist? most probably, and not always by the person I was complaining about either!

SanelyMad ~ I would have done what you have suggested. Just politely comment that you find this kind of talk offensive and if neccessary, walk away.

[Loosehead]

The problem is that quite a lot of what is considered racist by the guardianistas is not it's just stating unpalatable facts but we are often accused of ism's for doing this. As bob says, stating the facts is not racist. It's like saying that there are very view pensioners in the Olympics is that ageist? no just a statement of fact. Now implying an action or a trait only occurs because of being a certain race then that is racist. It's not racist to say "there are very top class few black swimmers" or "there are very few top class white sprinters".

[Supernick]

I should clarify that they were using extremely racist terms to descibe Indian and Pakistani people and their respective countries.

[Octavius]

You seem to be missing the point and jumping on some crusading band-wagon.

The question refers to comments which the poster found �offensive�. The poster may be an illegal immigrant, or in a different context the comments could have been sexist, ageist, or heightist.

[mccfluff]

i'm half malaysian and i find it extremely irritating when people make racist comments around me, and when i object they turn round and say 'well your different to them' meaning that i'm acceptable whilst the object of their racist remark isn't. I will always make my point if someone is being racist but ultimatly i feel sorry for these people that they have such a narrow and blinkered view of life.

[netibiza]

I agree with flip-flop, it's all a personal choice as is religion, abortion etc. As long as you stick to what you believe in then don't worry about the others. Most people are against something or another even if they don't realise it.

[Tha-Flash]

Just choose how YOU deal with it, don't get offended by it. Why don't you make a joke and say "A white man insulted me in the street once and then the next day, another man did the same... THEREFORE I hate all white men".

I don't know what exactly was said or what the whole situation but I'm assuming it involved dumb generalisations as you say it's racism.

[ugly_bob]

I'm not racist - I hate everyone equally.
Does that make me humanist?

[Jenarry]

i had this recently when few people were having big debate whether good or bad thing 4 employment etc. and one guy who was being particularly anti-immigration and pretty fired up bout it then went onto say that he was going to go back to spain to work to get away from it!!!!!!!!!we all laughed but he couldn't even see the irony of what he'd said.i would maybe politely give your view next time or try and change subject if it's offending you.