Well sorry but you should pay it to the person with care whatever your own ideas are that "the kids never get the benefit" as that's what all absent parents say when they don't want to pay their ex. People's ex partners are entitled to a certain standard of living and very often all that happens when someone witholds money from the other parent is that it means that the parent with care ends up subsidising their lack of financial input and thus have no quality of life. Mind you very often that's the non payers idea in the firstplace. If your ex is entitled to the money then pay up. I'm male by the way and would have no problem in contributing to my kids parent if we ever split up. It's up to them what to spend the money on, not you.