problem shared

[4getmenot]

Yesterday I was reading the paper and there's a section called problem shared where readers write in with a problem and other readers are given the chance to reply. Anyway the problem the reader had was she wanted a baby but her husband didn't. And the top letter was this � 'I think she should go ahead and get pregnant and then pretend it was an accident. He cannot blame her and I don't imagine he will force her into an abortion. He'll come round to the idea in time. A lot of men say they're not interested in having kids but when one comes along they often become a doting dad'. And she goes on to say she did this and he now adores their son. I was appalled this letter won �20.00. This is so wrong to trap a bloke into having a kid by pretending it was an accident. What do you reckon?

[boobesque]

omg! Thats awful! that is such a bad thing to advise and then to win the prize, how irresponsible, thats how lots of kids end up with single parents.

[JOEYGREEN]

Totally agree with you there. It's such a selfish thing to do and is so unfair on the child. There's always the chance that the father would turn their back on the baby. My cousin had a baby about four years ago and although she didn't 'trap' him or plan it in anyway he just wasn't interested and has never seen the child. Its so sad.

[jiggy-gb]

That's disgusting! No wonder some men have such a low opinion of women, thinking we're all scheming and coniving!

And apart from anything else, surely the subject of having kids came up before the lady who asked the question got married so what's she griping about it for now?

[teag1rl]

What she did was wrong, but I find the fact the paper gave letter top prize absolutely appalling. Really irresponsible.

[violetblue]

What a load of rubbish based on her (singular) experience, rather than on common sense and streetwise knowledge of what happens to the majority of relationships based on lies. Totally agree with you, 4getmenot, and with the other responses.

[wonder years]

this is an absolute disgrace a very good friend of mines son has just been in the same situation the girl said she was pregnant, they got a house together, then she said she,d miss carried,but things she said and the way she acted, and she actually told someone she was trapping him, but cos my friend does not have agood relasonship,with her sons girlfriend to speak about this would seem like she was causing trouble, so they quickly got a house to rent and shortly after this she misscarried, now to see him he sees confused she just told if ever he wanted to come back he could.

[crete]

it would be interesting to know what newspaper it was

[Rubyrose]

I'd like to know what the lady who actually asked for the advice thoguht of the top answer?! Bet she wasn't too pleased! But who was the weirdo who awarded the letter as top?????? What is the world coming to?

[redcrx]

sis, you know my situation and the fact that it ended with divorce. I wont say it was entirely due to wanting / not wanting children but that played a big part towards its downfall. I think its appalling to suggest someone deliberately get pregnant. I would never have considered it as i wouldnt risk my marriage falling apart because of such lies.

Jiggy, who says they didnt discuss children before getting married? How nice of you to describe the woman as to be 'griping' about it. I was in the exact same situation and had married after being together for 5 years. In all the time we had been together my husband said he would probably want kids in the future, exactly as i did. It wasnt until we got older (after 5 years over marriage) and i wanted children sooner rather than later that he said he still didnt want them yet. Was i wrong in thinking that at 21 years old he would want children when we were older as i did?

Im happy to say, as 4getmenot knows, that after divorcing my husband and few years a singleton i met my boyfriend and we now have a 13 month old son who is much loved by us both.

My ex is now involved with a women with a child and has admitted that he wonders what it would be like to have his own child.

[4getmenot]

I have written to the paper with this

I was reading you section problem shared in the news of the world yesterday where �Jill� from Berkshire replied to the letter of a women that wanted a baby and her husband didn�t. I am absolutely appalled that any woman thinks its right to trap a man into having a baby! And even more appalled that this women won money for this letter. In my eyes what this women did is so wrong and you printing this reply makes young woman think that it�s ok to get pregnant and pretend its an accident and the dad will always love it even if he didn�t want it. Its messing with people lives if a man doesn�t want kids then he doesn�t want them. You can�t just get pregnant on the off chance he might change his mind. No wonder some men have such a low opinion of women thinking we are all scheming and conniving!

Nicked that off you jiggy, couldnt have put it better myself :-)

[monkeemayhem]

hi 4getmenot- i read this letter to my husband last night too, I was horrified the newspaper thought the answer was a right one! To get pregnant without the mans consent is highly irresponsible and downright sly. A man has as much right to decide when to have a baby as a woman does. If they were to split up i bet she'd want the maintenance payments from him. My husband ranted for a good half an hour about it, i can't believe a national newspaper would print something so morally wrong AND when teenage pregnancy is so high in this country- what is that teaching them?

[crete]

The News of The World what a surprise gutter press never read it

[redcrx]

crete,
the question wasnt about your reading habits, just asking what you thought of the letter and the suggestion.

[4getmenot]

crete would you like to contribute something worth reading today? I read it and like it, its just this one letter has disgusted me. My question was what do you reckon? not anything to do with the name of the paper which is why I didnt put it in my question.

[crete]

why must you use the site to be nasty to people stop being offensive if not happy with a reply just ignore it

[4getmenot]

excuse me?? The site is to answer questions and erm you havent answered mine. You just have to put funny little comments just like you have over on the positions post. All we're asking for is a reply. I'm far from nasty thank you

[mnko]

same woman won �30 for the same answer here in ireland loldo u think they could b the same?
anyway its wrong 2 try and trap someone into parenthood, if someone had tried that on me i would said" oi no u cant be doing that now"

[crete]

dont know what the positions post is any assistance thanks

[teag1rl]

I don't think anyone was being nasty to crete, she has come out with some pretty unhelpful comments. I hold my hands up though -I'm not whiter than white in that department either.