Should I stop contact?

[Amiira]

I posted a question on here Sat night about my non stop crying when my boyfriend came over to say goodbye before he left to work and live away. (I stopped crying on Sunday!) Pathetic!!!

Anyway on his leaving he promised me he would make an effort (as he doenst want to loose me!) , text, or ring. But its only Wednesday, and he has made b*gger all effort. Only replies if I text, and sometime doesnt even bother replying. Giving me some excuse, that he has been busy. Which he may have been, but I think he has just been out with his brother who he is living with.

So now I look like some maniac!

What shall I do? Just forget him?

My apologies for going on and on about this. But I really am confused.

[Suzyboo]

Know it's not what you want to hear but since he knew how upset you were and promised to make an effort but hasn't already, I think it would be better for you in the long run to accept now that it's over. Hope you cope with whatever you decide

[mccfluff]

sorry babe but i think he's making his feeling clear, if it was me i wouldn't text or call and just get on with my life, sorry if that's harsh but fromyour previous posts , he's decided to go and start a new life, you need to do the same, again sorry i know it easier said than done, take care xx

[Amiira]

Suzy and mccfluff, these are the answers I need to hear, as I cannot get them into my head. I am confused as he was so lovely at the weekend. But has been very distant to the run up to him moving. He said it was stress! But he didnt think about the stress it was causing me. I guess

[Suzyboo]

I think that that is the crux of it - he isn't thinking about you and your feelings or trying to make this an easy transition for you. Being nice while he is there is much easier than putting himself out now he is gone.. and he doesn't seem to be doing that. I am terrible myself for hanging on in relationships in the past because I still loved them and was able to kid myself that things would work out when they wouldn't but what helped me see it more clearly sometimes is imagining what advice I would give a friend in the same position - would you tell them it was time to move on? Probably I'm afraid

[mccfluff]

sorry babe i really feel for your right now, big hugs xx

[Amiira]

Suzy, yes I too am a person to hang on in relationships. And yes if a friend was asking me "my question" I would tell them to move on. Even though this is a long distance relationship. A big part of me is thinking ,its better than no relationship.

That makes me look pretty sad. Oh and I texted him at 7 and asked if he wanted to chat on the phone, and he has not replied. :(

[Amiira]

Thanks mccfluff. Am not going to cry over him anymore, it took all Sunday for my eyelids to get back to normal! xx

[mccfluff]

hey babe i'm with you, if you need to chat [email protected]

[Suzyboo]

Long distance relationships only work with a lot of effort on both parts I'm afraid and a relationship that makes you unhappy can't be better than being on your own til someone comes along who will put you first

[Amiira]

Thankyou mccfluff xx

[mccfluff]

anytime hun, i mean that!

[Amiira]

Suzy, I have always put him first. Maybe thats my problem. He had a "fling" and I even took him back.

So the long distance relationship is more difficult for me, as I dont completely trust him now.

[Briar_x]

I am worried that you are thinking things about him already and he has been gone for such a short period of time. This implies that you don't trust him. In that case is it worth hanging on to a relationship where there is no trust?

He has only just moved, I am sure there are loas of things that he needs to do, however, he should have contacted you and to ignore you is downright rude.

My advice is think verycarefully about what you want to do, I personally would probably end it to allow you to get on with your life and not wait around for him like you seem to be - but then its such early days. may be give it some time.

[Amiira]

mccfluff, thank you again. I feel so low about all this. And he just moves on (we had been together over 3 years) and its like I never exsisted to him. I really want to hate him. But I cant. How stupid am I?

[Amiira]

Briar, the trust is gone with me, as he went with someone else once. But says he always regretted it! ummm

[Suzyboo]

I'm sorry but if you can't trust him fully, then I worry that trying to cope with this situation will make you insecure. I do think you need to be strong and cut the ties now. Difficult I know but letting things drag on with only you making an effort will just be more painful. You never know, the shock of you giving up on him might just bring him to his senses. Good luck

[Amiira]

Suzy, I wish those tactics would work. But if I dont contact him. Then I hear nothing from his first. As he always knows I will end up texting or ringing him. I wish I was stronger.

[Briar_x]

I would say forget him then, but I can't talk given the twisted friendship/relationship I'm in.

Your happiness is the most important thing, but you have to make any decision on your own or it won't work, it has to be whats right for you at that time. If that means hanging around 'looking like a fool/doormat' but its whats right for you then, then thats what you do.

I'll be thinking about you and will support you if you need it.

B x

[Suzyboo]

You can be strong but it has to be a definite decision not to have contact rather than just hoping he'll notice eventually that he hasn't heard from you for a while

[Amiira]

Thanks Briar. I think I am put too much emphasis on my happiness on him. Whereas he puts all his into his work.

If you want to talk about your relationship. Then I will try to help out too.

I am pretty level headed usually! xx