Ask someone to tie you to a chair ,then play a recorded episode of your most hated soap( pref corrie).
Your pains should ease dramatically ,as you realise what others are able to put themselves through voluntarily night after night ,this should make you feel much better inside lol
Take two parecetomol 500mg tablets . Then bend together a large banana a generous amount of good quality honey and half a pint of full cream milk and drink.
Try also if can find a liquour called Fernet Branca,tastes horrible but works.