Confused

[Headless Rat]

Was seeing a guy for a yr. We weren't exclusive as he had a 4month old girl when I met him&I didn't want to let things get too serious as I thought he'd freak out.I always stipulated too that I was too young for a serious relationship (im only 23!) but we liked each other&so kept on being with each other for a whole year. In the end it got headwrecking due, i think, to jealousy of others who we'd be with. I ended it 7.5months ago. We bumped into eachother 2months later &were together. He said how he'd never had so much fun with a girl & that he really missed me. We were with eachother 2months after that too but havent seen eachother since. Yesterday i texted him&got onto the subject of relationships.he said how he'd briefly gone out with someone since me. i got really upset as he said he wasn't ready to go out with someone. he said he thought that all along i didnt want that. i said i would have if id known he did but i always assumed he wasnt ready. he replied that he wasnt ready but he'd just found that out with someone else rather than with me. we're meeting up to talk on Thursday evening but I'm really really nervous about it & now think its not a good idea but i cant get out of it coz he thinks im really indecisive as it is.ive a feeling that because im thinking about it so much now that i wont be able to say a word by the time thursday comes.there are things im confused about that i would like to clear up. Im justreally upset that he felt he could go out with someone so soon after me. should i meet him or is it inevitable that it will just make me feel worse?

[atolhurst]

Right so you dated. You told him you weren't ready for a serious relationship so you saw other people. The jealously involved with that got too much so you split up.

I get that but the following confuses me... "you were with each other 2 months after that but "haven't seen each other since". Was that "together "in a one night stand kinda way, or you got back together and then split up again. What happened to stop you seeing one another after this point? Did you break up again?

Anyway going forward, you started texting one another and got onto the subject of relationships and you were hurt about the fact he'd gone out with someone else after you, even though he said he wasn't ready for a relationship after you. But he said it was because you'd said you didn't want a relationship. But you said that you did want a relationship and just assumed he didn't want one. Well this confuses me too because right back at the start you said you didn't want to get serious because he had a child - that's why you were seeing other people at the same time.

[atolhurst]

To be honest, I think he's right about you being indecisive: you saying you don't want a serious relationship but then getting upset when he's been seeing other people. But then if he acted int he same way, you're probably not the only one who has been indecisive. So now you need to make some decision and stick to them. He obviously means something to you otherwise you wouldn't be going through all this so long after you split up.

So the bottom line is do you want a serious relationship with this man or not? After that, you can address the other things (although to be honest, I don't think you can really be that upset about the fact he dated someone else so soon after if you told him you weren't interested in a serious relationship anyway - why does he have to justify his actions once you're off the scene?). Is that why he's made you feel worse?

Once you've decided that for yourself, tell him straight up. Otherwise you'll continue to have these mixed communications which have, it seems, muddied the water already.

If you're not interested in him and all this meeting is going to be about is getting 'answers' about why he behaved in the way he did, then I think it will hurt both of you. I also don't think, as I mentioned before, that his actions POST your relationship, are really any of your business. Maybe he just met someone he really thought he'd clicked with even though he wasn't "looking" for a relationship? Or maybe he just wanted some regular s*x? It's really not your business. Leave him alone, stop texting him, delete his number and move on. For both your sakes - you'll only get hurt.

[Headless Rat]

Thanks atolhurst. Reckon theres some good advice there. I know i do sound confused and probably hypocritical. i think the thing is though that when i met him i didnt want anything serious but then he kept pursuing me and i got to really like him without my noticing it. I know it's not my business to dictate what he gets upto after we split but it's just that ive missed him so much recently and had been contemplating telling him how i felt about him and putting it to him that i wanted to go out properly . I guess it just caught me unawares that he had decided to commit, afterall,to someone else.yea, maybe they clicked but it only lasted a few months.i know there's a possibility he got on better with her but to be honest i find that very hard to believe. we were both so well suited and well able for each others smart remarks. When i said that i was with him 2months after we split, i meant that we were only together for a night- not like we got back the way we had been or anything. i said to him last night that i think a lot of miscommunication had gone on, as far as I can see, and that maybe meeting face to face would clear matters up. one of the main issues is that we never did the wild thing together ,so, even though i was with him for a year, i just couldnt bring myself to do it while KNOWING that he was doing the same with others .if he could only have just said then that he did want to go out, it would have been fine but he blames ME entirely for not letting him know how i felt.is that unreasonable of me?i really dont think it is....