death and guilt

[tomtech]

my sister died on sat morning between 9.00 and 9.30. at that time i was in a bathroom getting ready to come home from portugal. i felt a bit sick and was over the sink heaving and heaving until my guts hurt, but nothing came up. driving to the airport about 10.05 i got the phone call with the bad news. i was totally gutted. but i wonder if my sickness was some kind of sign or pure coincidence. i had been perfectly well over the previous 16 days. i am now riddled with guilt for not being there for her just to say goodbye.my family say its ok but that doesnt take the feelings away. anybody had similar experiences?

[boobesque]

I am so sorry to hear about your sister, guilt is a natural feeling when someone close to you dies, you would feel this way wether you had been with her or not, so please dont beat yourself up about it.
((((hugs))) for you at this awful time

[cameo]

So sorry to hear of your loss.

i agree with boobesque, guilt seems to be a normal human emotion when someone we love dies.

just don't let the guilty feelings take over. You are proberly sad and a little bit angry at the fact that you didn't get to say goodbye and i think this is quite understandable, but you shouldn't feel guilty about it.

[gleaveyweave]

As the others have said, I am so sorry to hear of your loss and send you my thoughts at what must be an unbearable time for you xx
To answer your question about the sickness, my personal opinion would be that you had these symptons because somewhere in yourself, due to the bond that anyone has with a close family member, you knew what had happened. When I say you knew, I don't mean consciously (SP?) but just an instinct that something wasn't right somewhere. You would have naturally just dismissed it as a dodgy tummy so you must not feel guilty - there was nothing you could have done. As I say, this is just my opinion as I am quite a spiritual person but others may feel it's a sheer coincidence.
Again, I wish you well x

[CLOWN TICKLE]

I agree with everyone so far

[TopCat1]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I think quilt is a normal reaction to the death of a loved one.

Please take care.

[Hellion]

I agree with the other posts. If you are feeling sad that you didn't get to say goodbye have your own personal goodbye ceremony. Go somewhere quiet, think about your sister and say goodbye. Mark it in some way, throwing flowers on water or you could light a candle and send your goodbyes with the smoke from the flame, it sounds primitive but I promise it can help.

Hugs to you x

[Carakeel]

My heart goes out to you tomtech. I am so sorry for your loss. We have all heard of siblings being so close that one will react when the other experiences something, even when miles apart. However, I have never heard of this having been proven. This was probably a pure coincidence and is not something you should feel guilty about in any way! I am sure your sister would not want you to either!! It is up to us how much we let the ones we love go, when they die. I have kept my son 'alive' in my heart since he died in my arms and we still laugh together and cry together. And no, I have not lost the plot and yes, I am fully in acceptance that he is no longer here with me. He had asked me to do this before he died and he was right, it does enable us to be happy and laugh again, even though at first it seems so very, very hard. He will be forever young and beautiful and forever close and no harm can ever come to him again. Even in these very early days of your loss, please try to hold on to thoughts like that with regards your sister. She would want you to. My thoughts are with you and your family and I wish you all well.

[tomtech]

thank you all for your kind words and affection. it helps to know that there are still some people that care. thanks again. xx.