daughters

[tradey]

why does my 2 and a half yr old scratch pinch and kick her big sister whos 17,there like cat and mouse cant be in the same room for 2mins its driving me mad,i tell my little one to stop and say sorry,but then as my backs turnned again shes at it again.

[Le Chat]

How does your 17yr old repond to all this? If she laughs or just tells the little one to "get off" and calls for Mum to help, then she is sending the wrong message out. Your 2 yr old must think there is some pay off to keep doing it. What your eldest daughter needs to do is drop to eye level and firmly tell the little one "We don't bite, pinch etc" and then put her in another room for a couple of minutes. After the time has elapsed, she then needs to tell her little sister that she can come back to be with her, but if she starts her antics again, she will be removed again...and again.... Believe me it will work!
I do think that the little one really wants big sister's attention though. Maybe she could dedicate herself to playing and interacting with her for a length of time. One to one, with no distractions. At 17, she probably just wants to do her own thing and the little one feels left out and lost - biting and pinching sure gets attention and even negative attention is preferable to a child than none at all!

[enigma]

Totally agree with Le Chat. It does sound as if your daughter is attention seeking but it may not just be big sis's attention which she craves because she will undoubtedly realise that you will come running when she is nipping so she can gain your attention by behaving like this. The only way to break this cycle of behaviour is just as Le Chat said - removing her from the situation and placing her on a naughty step/naughty corner. You could also use behaviour charts to reinforce the idea of your expectations. Sad faces for bad behaviour and smiley faces for good behaviour. You could use shiny stickers and add lots of bright colours. Children like shiny stickers and she will enjoy sticking them on. At the end of the week if she has enough smiley faces , then you could give her a small reward for her behaviour such as a small toy from the pound shop or a day of fun - even just fun in the back garden or whatever. It is important to reward her good behaviour as well as punishing her bad behaviour.

It is unrealistic to expect a seventeen year old girl to want to spend all her time with her young sister but perhaps if she could even spend a little time with her , maybe with you all doing something together , then it may reduce the need for your daughter to crave her attention so much. Do they share a room ? If so , it may be borne out of frustration that your eldest wants space to herself and gets annoyed at little sister's presence and little sister picks up on this resentment. I only say this because there is a thirteen year age gap between my young sister and I and I had to share a room with her. It's not easy Tradey but with a little perseverance and the use of positive and negative reinforcements for behaviour , it should get better in time. Good luck xxx

[tradey]

cheers to you both,my 17yr old tells her off says its naughty and outs her in her room for 2mins then tells her why shes put her in there,i do the same as well.they have ther own room.i was thinking of the sticker thing but though she was abit too young for that,but i will give it a try.i really think shes after attention,my 17yr old goes collage,works also so my little one doesnt see much of her.thankyou again it was a great help.xxx